January 17, 2017

Happy Birthday, Husband!

Sure, we're 3+ years past our wedding, but I don't care. I'm still going to post a picture from the best day ever. We've has many adventures this year, some incredible and some terrible, yet through it all we were together. You are the BCAAs to my protein powder, the butter to my sautéed mushrooms, the red wine reduction to my medium rare steak, the fluffy blanket to my couch, the complimentary color to my pink and my best friend. Wishing you an amazing year and so thankful I get to do life with you. Love you to the moon, back and straight to the stars. xoxoxoxoxoxo

January 13, 2017

Fitness Friday the Thirteenth

Y'all, two posts back to back, stop the world! Hah! I really think I'll be able to get back into the blogging groove now that things in my life are more settled. Probably not five days a week, but at least three, fingers crossed.

Why am I so busy you ask? Oh you know, I work at a gym and my life is alllll about that fitness, everyday, errryday. Most of the time my stress is brought on by something I'm not that into, but the past two weeks and especially the past few days my stress has been high but my smile has been big. This weekend is FITTEST at Gold's and also the GLOBAL LAUNCH OF #BODYPUMP100!

THIS.IS.HUGE! Something so massive and so fantastical, I'm just grateful to be a part of it. Normally launch week is a busy time of year, but this year it's even busier since we are launching multiple programs over the weekend. I have three different formats I've had to learn and with my new job haven't been able to spend as much time as I normally do learning the chorey. But, I was a great late night studier so I'm confident my brain power will work, I just hope my body does. Check out my weekend, and then add two more classes Monday and Tuesday! #thatinstructorlife

Check out some of the fun I've been learning!

You'd think after this week I'd be all 'ahhhh I can't wait to relax', yeah, no! Once this week is over it's time to perfect my BODYPUMP100 technique because I have another training schedule for February that will take my coaching even further. I'm excited but super nervous because this could make or a break a big dream/goal of mine for the year. 

Speaking of goals, did I mention I was also trying to become a personal trainer in the next five months? Oh yeah, I am. This is a relatively new goal of mine and something I never thought I'd EVER attempt. But, being here in Tennessee and really sinking into the fitness world has made me realize what an ASSET a national certification would be for my career. I hope I can make myself proud and really absorb all of the knowledge to becomes one kick@$$ trainer. The sky is the limit once I pass my test and I'm looking forward to where my fitness path might lead.

Soooooo, yeah, how are you spending your weekend :)!?

January 12, 2017

No Place Like Home

Yes, friends, YES! 

After months of feeling lost, days of feeling depressed, weeks of wondering if this was the stupidest decision ever, finally, finally have A H O M E! You may have seen the good news over Instagram on Saturday [ find me here ] and I've just now found the time to update this space with the news. 

Le Husband and I closed on a townhouse last Friday and moved everything in over the weekend [talk about that adventure another day]. Right now the place is filled with boxes, both taped and opened, and our kitchen looks like a bomb exploded, but that's okay. It is OUR KITCHEN in OUR HOME. There is a lot of work to be done and we are slowly making lists, unpacking, organizing and brainstorming ideas to make it even more us. 

Thank you all for the support and prayers the past seven months. This move was much harder than anticipated on me, on Le Husband on our marriage and just in general. Now it all makes sense and now it is all worth the pain, tears, stress, frustration and failures. We are where we need to be and it's time to build our life in Knoxville. 

I can't wait to show you more pictures once everything gets more situated and get ready for a a bunch of DIYs because this place needs some work. Two words, popcorn ceiling [i know]. Now that we have Internet I'm hopefully going to get back into the swing of blogging and will be visiting y'all soon. Before I go, I have to share a picture of our second meal in the new place. The first night I created homemade bagel bites which were delicious but not something to brag about. Saturday night [after a ridiculous day, again, more to come] Le Husband decided he wanted homemade chicken and waffles so that's what we made. They, along with champagne and a Disney movie on my laptop, created the most perfect dinner experience and will be a memory I hold on to for a very long time. 

Thank you again for being here during our journey and for championing us when we lost faith. Y'all mean so much to me and I'm so grateful for each comment, prayer, happy vibe and well wish. I hope y'all have a wonderful rest of the week!

January 5, 2017

A New Year... A New Challenge...A New Life

Hello 2017...a few days late. Story of my life since November, huh? This poor lil space has been so neglected due to life, frustrations, happenings, depression, job stresses and just a plain old disheartened spirit.

December 2016 was quite different than December 2015 and I started a post looking back on where I was last holiday season. I was blogging about gift guides, cohosting a holiday linkup, talking about parties, food and traditions, scouring the Internets for the best buys and sharing in the joy of the hustle and bustle on other blogs.

Last month...I posted a total of five times. F I V E! During the busiest and most festive time of the year. I'd blame it all on work, however that would be a lie. It wasn't 100% work, maybe 85% which is still high when you think about it right? Quite often I was too tired to even think about the computer, or I was teaching or I was hanging out with family for dinner or just sitting trying to find my center.

The few times I opened up this space I'd write a sentence or two and then get stuck. Because that's what I've felt the past two months, stuck.

Stuck in a job I don't really care for but I know is a good experience.

Stuck in someone else's home.

Stuck feeling nervous, anxious, worried, fearful and stressed.

Stuck thinking about a possible medical issue which keeps popping up.

Stuck with thoughts of doubts, sadness and nostalgia in my head.

Stuck comparing where I was last year and where everyone else seems to be while I'm in this place.

Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.

Being stuck SUCKS.

As you can imagine, posts like this were not what I wanted when everyone was posting happy, happy, joy, joy, party, party life is grand. Not only did I feel whiny, I felt annoyed I was the only one feeling this way. The only one 'going through something' which I know is not true at all. Everyone has something they are dealing with and right now this feeling of stuck is my burden.

I'd like to say I've got this new mantra for the New Year and I've changed my mindset. That would only be 75% true. I am adapting a 'IT WILL ALL WORK OUT' thought process when I can, because it all has worked out so far. I was able to go home for Thanksgiving. I was able to go home to surprise my family. I was able to take off for Christmas and I was able to have a quiet New Years. Missing out on those were my big fears when I applied for this job, and lookie there, Pinky, it all worked out.

2017 has started with  a bang, both good and bad. Good I'll share next week, stay tuned it's big. The bad, yeah kind of tough. Someone quite without notice, which took away weekend help, I'm losing a kids care person and an overnight person at the end of the month, which I just learned about this week. Yeah, lots to work around and multiple puzzles to solve so NOT BORING.

My challenge is to keep the positive in focus, to trust in Him, to not cry overtime something goes wrong and to embrace this trying season of life. Because soon, it will pay off. SOON it will all make sense, I just have to hold on, with that hope for the new life down the road.

December 19, 2016

Hashtag So Worth It

This weekend was:

... a car road trip starting at 6am.

... seven+ hours in the car in three days.

... two stops for gas.

... very little sleep.

... getting surprises and schedules married up on the sly.

... lots of tears.

... crazy when a deer brushed the side of my car.

... lots of cooking and cleaning.

... festive movies, clothing and sing a longs.

... one of the most fun surprises I've ever been a part of.

... 100% worth every hard moment and frustration to see the surprise on each family members' face.

I LOVE MY FAMILY! This weekend was long and I'm exhausted, but it's what you do for FAMILY!





I'm beyond exhausted and paying for all the fun now. Send me some extra energy, please!

December 15, 2016

The Good...The Bad...The Ugly

The Good...
I passed another initial training over the weekend. I took a chance with BODYCOMBAT because it is way outside my essence and I made it through with a 3/3 pass. My trainers were incredible and my training team was so supportive. I walked away from this training a lot more sure of myself within the Les Mills world. I also walked away with high praise from my fellow instructors and from one of my trainers. Despite still feeling 'new' to BODYPUMP and ATTACK, I was told I "OWNED THE STAGE" whenever I presented and that meant a lot coming from a trainer. I'll take that nugget now and grow in my classes which makes me excited to teach once again. There was also movement on my overall goal within the Les Mills tribe and very good feedback when I expressed where I wanted my journey to go. I love the fitness world and each training reminds me of the fire I have to help create a healthier world.

The Bad...
My job sucks donkey balls. Sorry for the vulgarity, but there is no other way to express how I feel. It sucks and it sucks badly. Managing people is HARD and managing people who don't take their jobs seriously is stressful beyond belief. I've had multiple no call no shows and it causes so much stress and frustration for me. I'm still struggling to understand I can't control people and if they don't show up, that's not my fault and not a reflection on me. I've only hired ONE person and some of the people I've inherited have been disappointing. The corporate culture here is also tough as our management team has been thrown multiple curveballs, multiple times a week and even a day. I'm lucky to have a supportive GM and an FM who I consider a friend. 75% of my team is amazing and I have five people I can count on no matter what which has helped numerous times.

The Ugly...
I am slowly stressing out about my job, my life and soon my health is going to start suffering. The no call no shows at work have stressed me out to the max. Each call in the early morning ruins my day and I honestly can feel my body breaking down. I don't do well without sleep and I can barely sleep two hours before waking up thinking my phone is going to ring. I cry, ALL.THE.TIME because I feel like I'm failing on so many levels. I miss my family like crazy, am so so so so sad about my sister leaving and not being able to be home to hang with her, I barely find time to eat at work, I work 8+ hour days without a break to get work done and then get in trouble for going into overtime. I worry I won't get away for Christmas and I fear I'll never be able to take a day off of work. This also affects my fitness goals because worrying about people not showing up means I might not try to attend trainings and that kills me. I KNOW WHERE I WANT TO GO AND WHAT I WANT TO DO, I just can't seem to make this job work for that end goal.

The first three paragraphs were brought to you on Sunday evening. After I wrote my note to Jason, which I almost didn't post because it felt too sad this time of year, but I needed to be true to me so on the blog it published. Losing Jason really hurt and really put me in a bad place for a few days. Work was a mess and I just felt like the biggest failure on earth. But then, my big boss showed up to check on her lil baby OM and really helped me put things into perspective. I learned how to manage my time better and she even helped me figure out how I can find a day off here and there which means a lot. Nothing about this job is easy, but my mentors and support system both make it manageable when I think I'm going to break. I've renewed my resolve and set a MUST MAKE goal. I can get there, I know it.

December 11, 2016

Dear Jason... I'm Sorry

Dear Jason,

How do I start this letter? Honestly, I can't believe I'm writing it now. Four days later and everything still doesn't seem real. When Sportyspice texted me the news I was in shock. I responded back What the F*$&, (which probably made you laugh since I rarely cussed around you).

She had to be lying, I couldn't be reading the words she texted, they just COULDN'T be real. But they were, all too real. Driving down I-40 sobbing I somehow made it to work. Jason, what happened? Why? Why did this happen? Why are you gone and not here anymore?

There is so much left unsaid and it breaks my heart because it's my fault. Your base was only four hours away from here and I had no idea because we hadn't talked in so long due to our falling out. Did you know you were on my heart the past few weeks? Did you know I was thinking of reaching out to you, and then my job got in the way and every time I thought about it I got distracted and forgot until the next day? Did you know I worried about you even though that was no longer my place? That I checked up on Facebook when you had important posts? I'd like to think yes, yet a big part of my heart knows you probably thought we were still where we ended when you didn't come to my wedding. 

Man did that hurt. And it shows today because that's what drove this wedge. I still don't understand why you didn't come and why you didn't tell me before when I asked. You were my big brother and every time we talked about the wedding you were excited, asking if I wanted you in military dress or just a suit. Talking about how you'd make sure to have a chat with Le Husband at the reception. You were always my protector, ever since you were my college RA sophomore year. That's when you became my big brother and I your little sis. We made people do a double take when we talked like family. You knew that stupid college boyfriend didn't deserve me and offered to 'take care of it' whenever he acted a fool. I loved how you and my Dad got along and how you both connected. It made me happy because I knew you didn't have the best relationship with your father. Being there for your commissioning with my Dad is a memory I'll always cherish because we were BOTH so proud of you. 

Our argument seems so stupid right now, funny huh? Sad it takes you being GONE FROM THIS WORLD for me to understand how STUPID holding a grudge can be and how short a time we have here on earth. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. 

I know I was your person for a time and I should have been there for you, always. I'm not going to put your business out there, but I knew the things you dealt with and we had many a long nights talk about the importance you had in this world and how important you were to people. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you the past few years. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you realized you needed a career change. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you during the hard times and the happy times. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help whenever you needed it. 

And, Jason, I'm so sorry you left here without me telling you how much you meant to me and how much I loved you. My eyes fill, my heart breaks and my soul hurts every time I think of you now. I messed up and I'll pay for it the rest of my life. I will do whatever I can to make sure your daughter knows HOW MUCH YOU LOVED HER. She will also know how incredible you were and your impact on this world. 

I don't want to sign off, that makes this so final. But it is final, which hurts, sucks and kills me. Our country owes a debt to you and I owe you more than you know. I take comfort that you are with Shane now and can only imagine the good natured trouble you both are causing in heaven. Watch out for us, here. Your guidance, smarts, good manners, kind words and loving demeanor will be missed greatly, so sprinkle a lil bit here and there when you can. 

I love you, Jason. Godspeed.