August 13, 2018

NEW START BEGINS NOW

Today beings a new week for everyone. But today, for me, it begins so much more. 

A new job. 

A new path. 

A different way to make money. 

A new schedule.

Four weeks of training. 

A steady paycheck.

Leaping outside my comfort zone. 

Time to be the new kid. Time to learn. Time to pay attention and sit still. 

Good wishes are so appreciated. I wish you a wonderful week, friends. 

August 8, 2018

C U R R E N T L Y

[source]
traveling to DC this month to visit family
grilling all the protein and veggies on our green egg
creating workout programs for clients & friends
feeling overwhelmed with all the ideas I have and how to make them happen
anticipating starting a new job next week
eating very few things because of my elimination diet at the moment
reading so many fun books right now
loving how supportive this place, my Instagram and IRL friends/family have been to me
praying for a diagnosis and easy fix for my back pains
rejoicing in the fact Le Husband and I have navigated this dark period so well together.

July 30, 2018

I Can Finally Breathe

Finally.

A happier post. A post with something good to share. Almost motivational, if you will.

My legs and lungs are finally taking a break and I no longer feel as though I am treading water in the middle of the ocean. I am swimming. Swimming towards a goal. Swimming towards dry land, which makes the tiredness just drift away.

After a month of feeling hopeless. Of not knowing WHAT TO DO. Of feeling like a failure. Compounded by eight months of a dream not coming to fruition, I've finally found space and air.

I
Can
Finally
Breathe.

I shared more of my story on my Instagram, with videos because it's so much easier to talk than write. But the crux of it is, I've found another job, hallejuah. One which is a guaranteed 40 hours a week, plus has the flexibility to allow me to train and teach, too.

This moment means so much because the feeling of failure was so great, but it also means I can allow my husband to breathe. He no longer has to hold up the household on his own. I will finally be able to contribute to the finances as I should. I am so grateful for his support and love. I'm so grateful for you all lifting me up. For reading my resumes and cover letters. Thank you for reading and for championing me at my lowest. I am always here for you if you need it.

Cheers to the new chapter.

July 19, 2018

Life Is SO FREAKING HARD {Oh How I Have FAILED}

How's that for a blogpost title? Cheery, right?

I have started and stopped this post too many times to count. Legit, ten times since last Tuesday.

Why, Tuesday you ask? Oh, I'll tell you. Tuesday was when the bottom dropped out.

When the JOB I interviewed for and was awarded in FEBRUARY was pulled. The job I've been waiting MONTHS FOR A BACKGROUND CHECK was ripped away. Without anything more than a "budget cuts and lack of work".

Yeah.

Yeah.

Security I've been counting on for months is gone. A new, fresh start is gone. Supplementation for my training is gone. Being able to hold my head high because I'm ACTUALLY contributing to our bills, our retirement and our future is gone.

G
O
N
E

Gone.

Once again, the carpet has been has been pulled from under my feet and I'm laying on the floor dazed, trying desperately to understand WHAT JUST HAPPENED?! How are we now here? We had it figured out. I did the work. I got the other job. I have security. Y'all we were so happy. SO SO SO happy and good. Life was on point. Jobs for both of us. Me still training and pursuing a dream. We are even trying for kids. So damn H A P P Y. And then...this.

I can't tell you how many times I've cried the past nine days. How many moments I've spent SOBBING trying to figure out the why. I've cried to Le Husband more this week than I have in our marriage. And, dude has taken it like a champ. Normally not his forte but he has stepped up big time. He's dealt with me crying "why?" Dealt with the "what do I do now?" questions. He's quietly shouldered all the bills again. Marriage works that way, and I'm so grateful for him.

Training has been hard, I haven't been shy about that here. This job was supposed to help and now the lack of it just highlights EVERYTHING I COULDN'T ACCOMPLISH the past eight months. I've trained eight people. EIGHT. In eight months. Not good for the paycheck and not good for the ego. I've tried, but apparently tried all the wrong ways. I'm so so disappointed in myself and beyond embarrassed right now because I've honestly just flamed out big time. Something I've cried about quite a few times. Back in the day I was all 'it's okay if you fail. the important thing is to try' and now I have to eat my words. Failing is awful. It sucks. It hurts. It is the worst thing for your ego and I frankly don't really know what my calling/purpose is right now.

Oh, speaking of bruising the ego, have you tried looking for a job recently? Minus a bad health report or getting let go, I'm pretty sure looking for a job is one of the most miserable things on earth. So devastating when you don't have ENOUGH experience. Beyond frustrating when you have too much. Everyone wants the world and no one wants to take a chance on an unknown. It's who you know, not what you know. I've sent out so many resumes and been so discouraged in a week. If ANYONE IS GOOD AT RESUMES PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I feel beaten down. Again.

I am just so ready for a normal life. For a purpose. For a reason. For security. For money. I'm just ready to stop feeling like a failure. At the end of the day I want to find my worth again.

June 29, 2018

Weekly Wins: End of June and BEFORE FAMILY!


Y'all, July is almost here. Say what? Part of me is 'oh my goodness' while the other part is 'yay, family time starts on Saturday' excited! Which of course brings me to my first weekly win!

+ FAMILY TIME ALLLLL NEXT WEEK! Yes, y'all, yes! I am so excited to see everyone and of course snuggle on my delicous niece. CAN.NOT.WAIT!

+ Power came back on quicker than expected yesterday and I was so grateful. 

+ I am training a client today, woop! She isn't my client, but it's money, so I'll take it. 

+ My PT appointment has slowly helped my back issues and I'm really thankful to have such an awesome PT to work with, she's the best. The work she makes me do though, yeah, no. 

+ I gave up two classes and am enjoying the extra night off a week. It had to be done.

+ Having people tell you how bummed they are you aren't teaching the class anymore is nice, though.

What are your wins this week?

June 22, 2018

Weekly Wins {Summertime is Here}


Hey Friday! You here. I'm happy, They are happy. We all happy. Here's this week's wins:

+ Summer has begun, y'all! I am so excited for my favorite season. Beyond, just beyond. YAY WARM!

+ I've been 99% better about wearing my seatbelt, thanks to you, friends. I appreciate your love and kind yelling. It was needed and I am safer, xoxo.

+ My new gym is pretty awesome and I've gained crucial knowledge in the first week. Hoping this really helps me grow my business and become more successful at training. 

+ I had two new [to me] people in my BODYPUMP and BARRE classes tell me how much they enjoy my teaching style and they love coming to my class. Warm fuzzies all over. 

+ Le Husband and I had a great evening on the kickball field playing a double header. It was really nice to connect and rally the team when other people could't make it to the game. 

+ I finally took the plunge and gave up a BOOTCAMP class at my old gym. The pay scale randomly changed [boo] and the timing just wasn't great for many people. I now get one night off a week, woop!

+Because no one was able to come to the BOOTCAMP class on Weds, I was able to emergency sub a BODYPUMP class at my new gym. I was 20 minutes late because the call came at 6:10pm for a 6:00pm class but I made it over there quickly [with a seatbelt] and the ladies were beyond grateful. I'm happy I could give them a good class and earn brownie points, too. 

+ NO PLANS THIS WEEKEND! ZERO! NONE! YAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAY!

How was your week? Anything fun this weekend? 

June 19, 2018

Show UP


Feeling a bit in the weeds recently. A lot going on over the weekend which leaves very little time for planning during the week. Then all of a sudden boom, Monday - Friday appears. 

Lots of running around. 

Not a lot of winning the day. Computer and technology issues make me wanna pull my hair out. Then there's planning to video a new work out but the room is already being used. 

Of course there are all the questions. Do I get head shots? How much should I pay? Should I use my camera for videos instead of my phone? How can I get the stupid converter to work to get NEW music for barre classes? Why is my body rebelling on me all of a sudden?

But, I still show up. 

I still try and I still put one food in front of the other. You can too, friends. You can, too. Here is your daily/weekly cheerleader post. Deep breath, charge forward, make it HAPPEN!

***PSDOTCOM: WHAT's going on with blogger and no email comments? I know I'm late to the problem but is there a solution? How are y'all still responding to comments?***