***Disclaimer: If you are looking for a happy post or something to make you feel good use the red X to the right immediatly. This post is NOT for making anyone feel better***
The weather here is really crappy today. Rainy, cold, yucky and just blah! Fits my mood perfectly. I've been down in the dumps lately and I have no earthly idea why. I'm moping and not fun. I feel fake smiling. I honestly don't really FEEL much right now. Except like this!
I am having huge ENVY/GRASS is greener issues at the moment as well. Cyberstalking people on facebook and becoming SO jealous about what their lives are like. EVERYONE is married! Everyone has babies! People are dating sports super stars! People have amazing job opportunities now because they have worked their tails off early on. And I'm STILL sitting at this job I got when I was 24. JUST a job, not a career. I wanted to go into sports broadcasting, hit one speed bump and dropped my dream. Now every time I see Erin Andrews on TV I get sad. Don't get me wrong, she is gorgie and amazing and I am happy she is living her dream, but I WANTED THAT DREAM. And every day it's one day farther away. And I'm STUCK here! I am too scared to take ANY chances. I suck.
But NOW, yeah peace out hot body. My weight has plateaued and it sucks. I'm soft in places I was NEVER soft. My stomach is flab! My booty...yeah it's just big. I'm not strong anymore. I can't run because of my shins, but I do it anyway on the elliptical. Leaving the gym I am high on endorphins, but also LOW because I'm in pain. But I'm NOT quitting. I did that last year and I got fat. I hated my body and my self esteem plummeted. Never again.
You know what else sucks...I hate food now. Everything is the same. We eat peppers, onions, garlic and then a protein. Fixed the same way, all the time. Chicken, beef, shrimp or fish. No starches or complex carbs. No rice! No pasta! I hate the caveman paleo diet C is SO gungho about. But I do it anyway because again, I don't want to be fat. I shop at Whole Foods and spend a fortune but to what gain? I miss chips! I miss spaghetti! I want rice and pasta and potatoes!!!! I'm surviving on larabars, salads, nuts, larabars and water at my office. I get home and I'm hungry. I eat dinner and I'm hungry. I wake up hungry, but don't have anything to eat because I haven't been grocery shopping. Food used to be fun. Now it's just substance. That sucks.