I Don't Know About You, But I Feel 102

Okay, that's a bit dramatic, Pinky. But friends, I'm feeling hella hella hella old right now. Something has been festering in my brain and I can't shake it. All of a sudden all I can see in the mirror is old.

I'm 34. THIRTY FREAKING FOUR. Next year I will be five years from the big 4-0. I am of the mindset every year is a blessing and every birthday should be celebrated because we all know life is fleeting. Life is temporary no matter what anyone tells you. We are not permanent. So I try to live thankful and grateful and happy.

Key word is try. Every now and then something happens and something festers. Usually I can find the culprit. Usually it is very easy to drill down to find the cause for the effect. But right now, I can't see it. I can't find it. I honestly don't understand it. All I know is I feel old and haggard and so past my prime.

All I see in the mirror now is gray hair I have to die every six weeks. Lines on my forehead that NEVER and I mean NEVER go away. Wrinkle lines around my eye and dark puffy bags underneath. Dull, sun spotted skin which has now decided to break out constantly. Add all of that onto the chicken pox scares on my forehead that seem even more pronounced. Let's not even talk about the more yellow than white teeth because of coffee, tea and wine.

My body seems to be tired more often than not, even with breaks from teaching. Even with BCAAs. Even with extra magnesium. Sleep, what is sleep? Or what is good sleep? I used to think I'd do okay with minimal sleep, but it seems to be part of the reason my body is so blah at the moment.

Most people guess my age to be 10 years younger than the truth. I still get asked if I'm in college, but by fewer and fewer people it seems. Apparently my age is finally starting to show. I've started to consider botox for my face which is something I'd NEVER thought of as an option. NO judgement with others, I just always expected to grow older just the way I am and be fine.

Right now though, fine is the last thing I feel. This age drama is the pits. The worst. And yes, I do know I'm being a bit dramatic, but that's where my head is right now. This is my head space the past ten days. This feeling of being old and drab. Maybe this is the food I'm eating. Maybe this is the solar eclipse. Maybe this is a lost feeling of self. Maybe this is an unsettling moment for another reason entirely. I don't know. All I know is I want to live my truth and be happy. Which might mean a few facials in the future. And maybe a massage. Who knows.

For now, send me all your tips on getting younger looking skin and how I can minimize the bags under my eyes. Oh, and allllllll the makeup tips for mmmmkay?

Average is my Enemy

++++++This post is brought to you my over active brain. By some self loathing with a side of wallowing. If you're in a happy place, just skip, because I don't want to bring you down. Yet, this post has to happen. These words have to be said and out of my being before I explode. Feel free to X out this post and don't worry about commenting. This is for me and for my sanity!++++++

I HATE being average. When I say hate, I'm talking the Grinch "Hate, hate, hate, double hate, LOATHE ENTIRELY".  Since I can remember I've been "good" not "great". Decent enough soccer player to be an NCAA athlete, but not great enough to do anything significant in the records. Smart enough student for good greats, but not straight A excelling. Fun, active and fit instructor, yet no where near the caliber to train/inspire others. Friend people enjoy getting to be around, but not the first call for an outing or the life of the party everyone wants to be around. Cute in my own way, but nothing show stopping or head turning.

This mediocrity crushes my soul when I realize how little I stand out. Is that egotistical? 100% yes, but I've never been one to say I don't have an ego. I want to be the best or at least in the top three. I've held stock there every so often, in different pieces of life, however it has never truly amounted to what I hoped.

Kickball this weekend just seemed to expose this frustrating feeling, nagging in the back of my head recently. In the past, no matter how hard I tried, practiced and spent time scheming, I was never in the top talk. I was in the GOOD players bracket, but not the great. It was frustrating, but I was in the top group on my team so that gave me some solace.

Flash forward to this past weekend, with my new team. I knew going in my playing time would be limited because the team was stacked with incredibly talented women, who also have been with the team for years. I was ONLY added on because they wanted Le Husband on the team. Which, in itself is a bit of a blow to the ego, but has kind of been the way of life since the beginning of our kickball coupledom. I honestly was just excited to be on the team, be back in the kickball realm and thrilled to be a part of a team that could win it all again.

We won on Saturday which was awesome. So, so, so awesome to win with new friends and Le Husband. But, it also was really hard because I honestly felt so insignificant in the scheme of the team. Not sure why I thought it would be easy for me to sit on the sidelines when I agreed to play since I'm so competitive. Hindsight I know it's because I wanted to play one more year and because Le Husband was doing it and I hate being left out of anything. So, while I enjoyed being there, winning with him and the team it was so much harder than anticipated.

Compounding this 'average' feeling is the fact my husband is a superstar freak of nature athlete. This isn't meant as a statement about any other husband/boyfriend out there, this is just plain fact. He is good at every athletic sport he plays and quickly becomes the team superstar almost every time. People love him because he is good, reliable and gets the job done in a quiet unassuming way 99.9% of the time [he's lost it a few times, but those are rare]. Away from the kickball field we both have our fortes and niches, however, every tournament I'm reminded how INCREDIBLE he is and how average I am. And yes, you're reading this paragraph correctly. I am jealous of my husband and YES I realize how stupid that sounds. Understand I'm 90% proud 10% jealous. Seeing him succeed makes me so happy and proud, I just sometimes wish I could be the one being awesome.

So now, what do I do? Stop playing so the evil green monster can't come out? Admit to myself average is what I am in the grand scheme of things? Truthfully, I'm not sure what I want to do right now. Sunday, after an even more deflating women's tournament I was *THIS* close to just quitting and walking away. I can't be bad at something I no longer participate in right? Then I thought more about it and how hard it was to get the starts to align so being on this team could happen so I'm keeping my mouth shut around people.

Please understand I recognize how lucky I am in life. I truly, truly, do. Babyspice pointed out that being good/decent in the things listed above is something many people will never know, which I understand and appreciate. Yet, there is little solace to me right now, because average is my enemy. Part of me thinks I need to refocus on WHAT I want and why I want it so I can find a plan of action for greatness. #notimeforaverage.

I Don't Think it Could Be Any More Random

|| I planned to go back to the gym for a second work out yesterday evening but when my aunt said 'want to go down to the lake and ski?' I couldn't say no so I skipped out. #worthit

|| Constant victims drive me bonkers and make my skin crawl. RHOC just started and already Vicki is frustrating the crap out of me. I knew someone who felt everyone was out to get her and it was so draining. Learn to own your stuff or let ISH go and life will be a lot better, promise.

|| I'm LOVING my nail color combo right now. I call it strawberry lemonade :)! #lovenailcombos

|| All the snicky-snackys and pre-dinner cocktails are messing up my diet. I'm really good at not craving anything if I don't see it, but once a cork is popped or a bag of chips open I find it really tough to say no. This week has been better than most but I'm still driving the clean eats struggle bus.

|| Job searching blows!

|| I have a thing with copycats. Maybe it stems from being the oldest of three girls but watching someone do the same thing I do [without credit] ruffles my feathers. I honestly don't understand how people can't find their own friends, ideas [blog or otherwise] and even vacations on their own. I'm learning to laugh it off, slowly, but I'm not perfect so there are times I just vent. #barf

|| It was hard to be mad when Argentina beat the USA on Tuesday. Messi is just dirty nasty good and his free kick was one of the best goals I've ever seen. Pulling for a third place win for our guys, it would be great for the sport and our team. #ibelieveinthirdplace

|| Tomorrow I'm trying something new here and I'm excited and nervous as hell. #hopeyoulikeit

|| Summertime/laketime is the best time. #theend

linkingupwithsomefaves

Things I'm Too Old For

Drama. Friend drama, family drama, work drama, life drama. Just NO! Stay away, please.

Staying out way past my bedtime. I like sleep, I hate feeling like death after a late night so thanks for the invite, but I'll be at home. In my bed asleep and happy. #gottagetthatbeautysleep

Littering. Don't be a jerk to our planet. 

More than two glasses of wine a night. #howsadisthat

Ex-friends People playing the breakup game. You know what I'm talking about, right? You stop talking to someone and they reach out via email and comments for two weeks before they get the hint and then all of a sudden, it becomes they DROPPED you?! Seriously, move on, it's over. #cantkicksomeonewhostoppedtalkingtoyoufirst

Painful shoes. When I was in my 20s I wore the 4+ inch heels CONSTANTLY and LOVED it. Seksi sky high shoes were my vice and I rocked them whenever possible. Now, if I wear 2 inch heels I consider them high, haha. I love pretty shoes, but they have to be comfy too. #helloflatsandwedges

People pleasing just because. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy making people happy and not rocking the boat, but long gone are the days of just doing what people say out of fear of confrontation.

Being the butt of every joke around certain people. We've all been there before [maybe] but now that I'm in my 30s I don't need to be around people that try to bring me down. Jokes are one thing but nasty comments, yeah no thanks.

Soccer games after 9pm. I can't DO IT CAPTAIN. My body won't shut down quickly after the game and I'm a mess the next day. Call the waaaaaahbulance but I'm gonna have to stay home after 10pm.

Using text speak in chats, texts or comments. Sorry, using tho instead of though over the age of 30 just looks lazy. I understand using brb, sys, lol {I like haha better}, gm and ty in conversations at work and on text to save time but find it quite silly in any form of writing.

Not wiping down gym equipment once done. 1] EW and 2] EWWWWWWWW! #sweatisgross

Inspiration found *here*
Linking up for confessions & here & here

Losing SUCKS

[source]

I love you all and hope you had a great weekend! I'll be back tomorrow with the sunshine as normal < 3!

Confession Session

I confess

... teachers that brag about snow days, every time they have one, drive me nuts. My sister is a teacher, so I totally understand the effort y'all make each and every day, but the bragging when you're off is a bit off putting. Yes, it's great to get a day off, but how annoying would it be if I constantly gloated about my paycheck being more than a teacher's? Pretty annoying! #stopbraggin

... I lost it yesterday when Le Husband couldn't say brooding. He kept calling it broody and I thought it was too hysterical. #lovethatsillyman

… the cold weather is making me shoppy. I'm trying to be good, sales are driving me nuts. Especially when I've found a sale on des boots

... a coworker started talking to me, about something ridiculous and I pulled a Heather. #eyedontcur

… I'm more excited about cooking food this week than I have been in a long time. I'm trying something new [which I'll share later] and can't wait to mix it up in the kictchen. #clean

… Le Husband almost got sucker punched yesterday when I realized how badly and strangely my back was burnt in Florida. Note to self: men do not know how to put on sunscreen. #yourekiddingme #iwillbeaskingstrangersnexttime

... this picture made me giggle more than it should have, but it's soooo funny!

[source]

linking up *here* and *here*

Dear People In Charge

MAKE 

BETTER

DECISIONS!!!

It snowed in northern Virginia today and it was only 2 inches. No big deal, right?!?!

WRONG!

VDOT screwed the pooch and didn't treat the roads, nor did they plow them. 

So, my 35 minute commute became a 2 hour commute.

Oh and all schools in the area are still open. 

Yeah, that's stupid, too. 

I'm so angry and annoyed at those that make big decisions. 

The new super intendent should be relieved and all of the supervisors at VDOT should be fired, too. 

People are in ditches, kids are riding unsafe school buses and traffic is a mess. 

BE BETTER!

{rant over}

Officially Fall...Fiddlesticks

Today marks the first official day of Fall. I was greeted with 50 degrees this morning, which meant I had to use my seat warmers for the first time, since Spring. BAH HUMBUG!

You can find me mourning the loss of my best friend, Summer all week day!

It was a magical Summer this year and one I'll never forget. 

CONFESSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIION....CON-FESH-ON

 ::These are my CONFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSIONSSSSSSSSSSSSS::

Happy hump day, kids! Let's start confessing, shall we?!?! *whatupkathy*

I confess .:. Copy cats drive me bonkers! Y'all know what I'm talking about right? The coworker that adopts your format, the friend that claims your friends for theirs, or the blogger that just so happens to copy posts and linkups. Yes, I understand copying is the biggest form of flattery, but sometimes, enough is enough. Have your OWN ideas, get your OWN friends and find your OWN linkups and blogs to read. #rantover

I confess .:. The amount of support I've already received regarding the Monthly Motivation makes me super giddy. It's my first link up and I'm super stoked other people [besides my two awesome linkup buddies] think it's a good linkup idea. Please mark your calendars, for Tuesday, August 26th and come linkup your posts.

I confess .:. I'm seriously considering taking a beginners ballet class this fall. I always wanted to dance, but other sports always got in the way of picking up something new. I have two different friends [advanced/beginner] that are taking ballet and that might be the nudge I need to jump into something different. I've also heard about the amazing flexibility and ankle benefits too. Now...about those leotards, eep!

I confess .:. I ate an ice cream sandwich before dinner last night. It was divine.

I confess .:. I wanted to stand up and applaud the author of this article yesterday.  "Life Isn't Fair" by Lisa Morguess fantastic and I hope moms all over the internet really take to heart her words. Obviously I'm not a mother [yet], but I found myself nodding to almost every one of Lisa's points. Children in this day in age are extremely entitled and grow up into adults that flip out when things don't go their way. Her "Be hopeful, be strong and be resilient" points are right on and are things I hope to teach my children one day.

I confess .:. Even though babies and pregnancies seem to be popping up EVERYWHERE, I'm still quite content being a DINK. I know the 'urge or fever' will appear someday, but even though I'm 31, I'm still happy with my two person family :)!


I confess .:. I had more fun playing in Denver, on a team made up of players from other teams in our league, than I've had with my own team, all year. The Eskimos raised the bar on camaraderie, talent and fun and I have no problems telling anyone and everyone how much fun I had, without my team.

 
I confess .:. I'm probably more excited than I should be for the return of "DCC Making the Team". Every year I look forward to watching the show and I even stalk the twitter accounts of current members during tryouts. I already know the veterans that were cut and I'm getting excited to know the new girls. If I could go back in time, I'd learn to dance, just to try and wear that uniform!

I confess .:.  I can't believe a week from tomorrow is my one year wedding anniversary! That's just crazy, crazy, crazy! Time flies when life is fabulous!

 

Ummmmmmmmm did I miss something?!?!?!

Am I already married?

Is it time for trick or treating?

Should I be unpacking my winter jackets?

No right?!?!?

IT's STILLLLLLLLL AUGUST!

Which means it's STIIIIIIIIIILLL SUMMER!

The season of sun tan lotion, bbqs, pool parties and HEAT!

I'm not sure WHAT stores and the Internetz is smokin,

but STOP IT WITH THE FALL TALK!

It's AUUUUUUUUUUUUGUST

AUGUST!

Not September or October.

Fall fashion....yeah NOT THE SEASON!

Right now it's about bikinis, tank tops, flips,

jean shorts, pool cover ups and dresses.

NO BOOTS!

NO SWEATERS!

NO NONSENSE!

Let's all take a FALL chill pill

and enjoy the BEST season of the year!

CAPICHE?!

[source]

[source]

#rantover

Thoughts on a Thursday

1] This week has been hellacious. UTTERLY AND RIDICULOUSLY HELLACIOUS! Anything and everything that could go wrong did. My work situation was a mess and my personal life was off the chart insane. Oh and my car tire had a nail in it too. I just could NOT WIN! I was so stressed out I literally made myself sick Tuesday night. YES, LITERALLY! I'm talking sleeping on the bathroom floor sick. Yeah, no bueno. Next week is the light at the end of the tunnel...so close....so flippin close.

2] Yesterday I was decompressing and talking to C about wedding stuff and how crazy my week had been. I was rambling on and on and he then says "Hey can you do me a favor"? To which I think "ummm, sure, but I'm in the middle of talking". He then says "Try to stress less okay honey? It will be okay"! I was caught between wanting to hug him and throw something at him. How do dudes do it?!?! < 3 my honey!

C] This picture and story made me happy yesterday. Hooray for such an amazing man and a GREAT PRESIDENT!

[via]

3] The USMNT is in the Gold Cup finals this weekend. Let's go Men's Soccer! WE NEED THIS OKAY!?!

4] Today we woke up to fall-like weather in DC...yeah no thanks, bring back the HEAT!

5] God are you there? It's me, Pinky! This pin is exactly what I NEED

[via]

To Whom It May Concern

[via]

Dear September 7th,
HOLY MOLY, you are only T - W- O TWO MONTHS AWAY! Wait what?! Hold the PHONE! For Rizzle!?!? GETOUTTAHERE! MY WEDDING! STOP.THE.WORLD. TWO MONTHS! Almost a MRS. EEEEP Leeee-go!

Dear Time Before the Wedding,
STOP moving so fast. YES, I am 2034803248.5 kinds of excited to become Mrs. C and eat drink and be married, but oh my word there is SO Much that needs to get done before then and NOW! I would appreciate it very much if you streeeeeeeeeeeetch summer this year, just a bit. THANKS!

Dear Jillian Michaels,
I've been 'enjoying' your video workouts online the past two weeks and lady, you know your ish. I am SWEATING like whoa at the end and can totally tell I'm out of shape. But, I'm HOPING mixing your workouts in with my own form of working out will help me get over the hump regarding my body. I PROMISE I'll work for it!

Dear Body,
GET IN BIKINI SHAPE.....NOW!

Dear Work slash Coworkers,
STOP with all the drama and the insane workload. Yes, I get it, we are busy. But hold your freakin' horses already. We can't process content we don't have, if you don't do your job, I can't do mine. Having to answer 203480238 status emails will NOT get you a different answer. When we say "we are looking into it" that means YES WE KNOW THIS IS IMPORTANT.

Dear Kickball teammies,
It's that time of year again. Kickball tournaments every month until the end of the year. OH, flippin' vey! I do love me some kickball tourneys, but sheeeeesh, trying to plan a wedding and participate in shenanigans is just a bit stressful.  I can't wait to win everything this year though, we are gonna ROCK IT OUT if we keep our heads on straight. GO OSC! THIS TOURNAMENT SATURDAY IS OURS! WE WILL BE DCKO CHAMPS!!!!

Dear Sleep,
PLEASE come easily and keep me rested!

Blog Every Day in May [Day 23]

Day 23, Thursday: Things you've learned that school won't teach you

Source: Uploaded by user via Bri on Pinterest

Manners Matter

Please and Thank You are two of the most important phrases in the English language, yet people so often forget them. Minding your manners will get you far in life. Knowing etiquette and how to act in certain situations can be a saving grace. Sure, the 'stuffy' old manners of yesteryear are gone, but being polite and kind is something that will never go out of style.

Source: Uploaded by user via David on Pinterest

The Bad Guys Will Sometimes Win
This is a SUCKY truth, but it's true. You're taught that justice and GOOD will prevail in school, but sometimes they don't. Sometimes the bad guy gets off on a stupid law inconsistency and is free. Sometimes darkness triumphs over the light. Often the big CEO's and Presidents of companies have reached their status by being dishonest and cheating and will never be called out. Cheaters often prosper. But, I take solace in knowing that MOST of the time the GOOD GUYS will beat the BAD BUYS!

Source: shelivedhealthyeverafter.tumblr.com via Pinky on Pinterest

Move and Eat Healthy
Sure, NOW school's are trying to push children to eat healthy, but when I was in school...pshaw. I learned EVERYTHING from my mother, a collegiate gymnast and coach. We were RARELY allowed to watch TV during the week and computer time was learning time ONLY. Once homework was done, we were outside playing or going to a team practice. Even though I struggle with managing HEALTHY food choices with YUMMY food choices, I KNOW what I should be doing. We always had balanced meals as kids and it's something that has stuck with me to this day. Learning to MOVE and eat healthy at a young age makes it easier to implement as our bodies change.

Blog Every Day in May [Day 22]

Day 22, Wednesday: Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel. (a pet peeve, a current event, a controversial topic, something your husband or roommate or neighbor or boss does that really ticks you off)

 I'm getting on my soap box today!

 

Source: flickr.com via Rosie on Pinterest

I hate how materialistic and LAZY my generation
and those following have become.

It is an atrocity to America
and all this country stands for.

Our society has become so
ME-CENTRIC
and our children are growing up
thinking they are entitled to whatever they want.

This drives me batty.

I hate how kids have iphones
tablets
personal computers
and Nintendo hand devices.

Kids don't know the value of REAL WORK,
they just expect things to be handed to them.

These entitled brats grow up into
entitled teens and adults
that don't want to work, they just
want to complain.

And ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh gurlllllll do they complain.

If they don't agree with something
Lawd you're gonna know it.

It's gonna be on Facebook, twitter
Instagram, the whole mess.

But get people as a group to
get behind something that matters and
takes actual work?!?!
FORGET ABOUT IT!

I am SO disappointed and embarrassed
to call myself a Generation Yer.

The Greatest Generation
has classified MY generation
as the ME GENERATION!

HOW HORRIBLE IS THAT?!?!

It honestly makes me sick.

Sometimes I sit and think and wonder,
what if something like WW2 happened now,
and men were called to join the army
and women were called to give up clothes
and material things they loved,
what would happen to our country?!?!

I 100% believe we would fail. 

I know there are good men and women in our country.

Men and women that work hard
and know the value of a dollar
and the value of America.

But the bad apples out weigh the good
in my opinion
and it makes me sad, sick and scared.

I'm scared for America
and I'm angry with my generation.

We need to look to the PAST
for our HEROES,
and stop thinking about ourselves!

Source: rare-posters.com via Minter on Pinterest

Source: magnoliabox.com via Magnolia Box on Pinterest

Source: sphotos-f.ak.fbcdn.net via The Digital Subway on Pinterest

Source: google.com via tjanting on Pinterest

Source: google.com via tjanting on Pinterest

Ain't Nobody Got Time For That....

Source: liveluvcreate.com via Melissa on Pinterest

You know what I'm talking bout?!?!?

Tights that don't pull on correctly the first time....

Rude people cutting in line like they own the joint....

Tv Stations changing the time/channel of sports games...

Cold weather in the SPRING...

Blog posts that just don't come together...

Lilo's crazy antics...

Coffee spills in the morning...

Drivers that drive below the speed limit...

Advertisements at the beginning of Youtube videos...

Coworkers that pawn of work...

All the hate that's on social media...

Coworkers that take CREDIT for work they didn't do...

Injuries that hold back fitness progress...

People that don't text back quickly when I ask a question...

Life without pink...

Say it with me....

AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!

Ornament Swap Linkup

Christmas is my favorite time of year.

People care EXTRA about one another.

Everything is festive and bright.

I love shopping for gifts to give to others.

Hot cocoa, family, friends, decor
and CHRISTMAS TREES!

And you know what goes on Christmas trees?!?!

ORNAMENTS!

I love Christmas tree ornaments
so when I saw Megan's ornament swap
I knew I HAD TO ENTER!!!

I was partnered with the lovely Amanda,

[HI NEW FRIEND]
and immediately went ornament hunting.

I tried to find ornaments that would
match her tree motif's
and be fun to look at.

I HOPE YOU LIKE THEM AMANDA!!!!

After I sent mine off,
all I could do was sit back and wait
for my fun package to arrive.

I was so stinkin' excited to see this baby outside my door!

She totally put my packaging to shame. I LOVE the wrapping paper!

But, I loved what was inside even more!

Love at these beautiful and festive ornaments!

How precious and awesome is Santa's beard?

Amanda was so generous, she sent a set of 4 ornaments.

They are all dazzlingly beautiful on my tree!

Thank you Megan for setting up the swap!

Thank you SO MUCH AMANDA! I hope you enjoyed your ornaments!

I LOVE MINE!

MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS FRIENDS!

**********************soapbox***********************

I've see around the blogesphere people talking about a SILENT blogger day tomorrow

and I 100% disagree with the idea. 

Our blog pages SHOULDN'T be filled with a BLOG BUTTON tomorrow,

but with the names of those lost.

Too soon people are going to forget those 20 lives lost.

We should do everything WE CAN to keep their names at the fore front.

Tomorrow I WON'T BE SILENT!

Tomorrow I will be posting the victims names on my blog.

I may be ruffling feathers, but I'm doing
what I think is right.

I hope you're wearing green today!

SHES

I confess...Life sometimes SUCKS!

Can I get an amen?!?!?

My life is great and I am so blessed.

But, gosh DARN IT, if some days just make ya wanna scream.

If you couldn't tell, yesterday was not the best of days.

Today's post was supposed to be fun, cute, cheeky

and of course an ode to my over packing nature.

But, then scrambling at work happened.

And the one hour commute happened.

Then the super long choir practice happened.

I had plans to dance and drink it out before packing,

but then I got THE phone call.

BabySpice: "Sis, someone broke into Sportyspice's car and stole her purse!"

WAIT.............WHAT!?!?!

Yes, some asshole smashed her driver side window and stole her purse.

Did I mention she was parked in the front of our CHURCH!?!?

Poor bear already had someone break into her apartment

this summer and

now THIS!?!?!

I was already home so couldn't help out

and I felt so helpless.

CUE TEARS!

I don't know why bad things happen

to good people.

I hate that they do.

Especially when my family is affected.

Luckily, my family is awesome and tight knit

so we will figure everything out.

She'll use her passport this weekend

when she joins me in NOLA

and we will figure out money.

Sometimes life is hard

and it sucks a big one,

but then we dust ourselves off

and keep moving forward.

Karma's gonna get that SOB!

So, if you get a chance,

say a prayer of peace and calming for

sweet Sportyspice.

Thank you friends!

What's Weight Got to Do With It!?

Yep, that dreaded SIX letter word.

Weight.

It just SOUNDS heavy and horrible.

That *one* number that can

define happiness

for women.

How many of you have stepped on the scale,

and literally

held your breath,

while waiting for the numbers

to appear.

Source: google.com via RMW on Pinterest

I know I do

every

single

time

I step on a scale.

Before you read on, I'm gonna give it to you straight...

Right now I weigh 115-118 and to me

that is too much.

If that number offends you,

or

if you are pissed I feel this way,

please just click the red X to the right.

I 100% understand that I am petite

and my weight is not very much

for an almost 30 year old.

However, I could and should be around the
110-112ish zone
and much more toned than I am currently.

I'm squishy in places I shouldn't be,
and many of my pants are snug in the
stomach and booty area.

When I say too tight I mean
the leaving lines in my skin
kind of too tight.
And no, this isn't just something
that happened recently.

This has been going on for a few years.
Pretty much as soon as I turned 25
my body changed :(!
[that and my shin injury preventing
my normal running program]

I was warned, but I didn't believe
because I was always the girl that could eat
WHATEVER she wanted
and never gain weight.

I used to be able to fit into size 00-0 pants.
And when I say used to, I don't mean in college,
 I mean 3ish years ago.

Now, some 2s and even certain styles of 4s
are too tight.
SO.NOT.OK!

Sure, I understand as we women get older,
our body changes,
gravity happens
and metabolism slows done.

But really?!!? I can't lose
3-5 pounds
and keep them off?!?!

Source: media-cache3.pinterest.com via Tyrone on Pinterest

I've been running and going to the gym for "maintenance"

for the past 6 years.

Well, that's really helped me.

[sense the sarcasm]

I tried giving up certain foods

and I never drank soda

unless there is alchol mixed in the glass.

Again, that's really helped me!

So, I'm trying something new.

I'm being restrictive

and seriously watching

what kind of food enters my mouth.

I told C I wanted to try Paleo again,

because my way of

moderation

hasn't changed my body ONE BIT!

And so far, I've stuck to it for the most part.

There were two days my will power

majorly SUCKED

which uber ticked me off.

But, unlike last time,

I haven't gotten the 'carb flu'

thank goodness.

We've measured biceps,

butt,

chest,

quads,

stomach,

and logged everything into a spreadsheet.

I'm sure I sound nuts!

But, my self esteem BLOWS right now

and this seems to be the only

route to fixing it.

I have a picture of myself

my junior year of college

that I'm using as an unrealistic goal.

Well, unrealistic to the friends

and family that has seen

the picture.

For the record,

my family, boyfriend, friends and acquaintances

have told me I'm ridiculous

and don't need to stress

like I'm stressing.

But, now I'm the girl who can't lose weight.

Many of my friends just stop using salt

run 1 more time a week

give up sugar snacks

do three more sets of abs

change from yoga to pilates

and POOF

weight/bloat GONE!

Not me!

I went 2 weeks without adding salt to anything!

I gave up carbs and sugar!

I switched up my workouts 2304830 times.

NADA

ZIP

ZILCH!

Well that's changing now

and I hope results happen.

I don't want to hate my body

like I do now.

And I don't want to continue

to hate certain foods,

because I know that's not healthy.

Am I taking care to eat enough for sustenance and health?

ABSOLUTELY!

Have I been analyzing everything on my plate?

Yep!

Should I allow myself to indulge more than I have been?

Probably.

But, if I want to reach my goal

I have to take the hard road.

Wanna see my goal?

Source: dietadvices.com via Dana on Pinterest

Unrealistic again?!?!? Probably.

But, staying in 'matinatnece mode' has done

jack $h*t

so now

it's time to

GO BIG

or GO HOME!