What's Weight Got to Do With It!?

Yep, that dreaded SIX letter word.

Weight.

It just SOUNDS heavy and horrible.

That *one* number that can

define happiness

for women.

How many of you have stepped on the scale,

and literally

held your breath,

while waiting for the numbers

to appear.

Source: google.com via RMW on Pinterest

I know I do

every

single

time

I step on a scale.

Before you read on, I'm gonna give it to you straight...

Right now I weigh 115-118 and to me

that is too much.

If that number offends you,

or

if you are pissed I feel this way,

please just click the red X to the right.

I 100% understand that I am petite

and my weight is not very much

for an almost 30 year old.

However, I could and should be around the
110-112ish zone
and much more toned than I am currently.

I'm squishy in places I shouldn't be,
and many of my pants are snug in the
stomach and booty area.

When I say too tight I mean
the leaving lines in my skin
kind of too tight.
And no, this isn't just something
that happened recently.

This has been going on for a few years.
Pretty much as soon as I turned 25
my body changed :(!
[that and my shin injury preventing
my normal running program]

I was warned, but I didn't believe
because I was always the girl that could eat
WHATEVER she wanted
and never gain weight.

I used to be able to fit into size 00-0 pants.
And when I say used to, I don't mean in college,
 I mean 3ish years ago.

Now, some 2s and even certain styles of 4s
are too tight.
SO.NOT.OK!

Sure, I understand as we women get older,
our body changes,
gravity happens
and metabolism slows done.

But really?!!? I can't lose
3-5 pounds
and keep them off?!?!

Source: media-cache3.pinterest.com via Tyrone on Pinterest

I've been running and going to the gym for "maintenance"

for the past 6 years.

Well, that's really helped me.

[sense the sarcasm]

I tried giving up certain foods

and I never drank soda

unless there is alchol mixed in the glass.

Again, that's really helped me!

So, I'm trying something new.

I'm being restrictive

and seriously watching

what kind of food enters my mouth.

I told C I wanted to try Paleo again,

because my way of

moderation

hasn't changed my body ONE BIT!

And so far, I've stuck to it for the most part.

There were two days my will power

majorly SUCKED

which uber ticked me off.

But, unlike last time,

I haven't gotten the 'carb flu'

thank goodness.

We've measured biceps,

butt,

chest,

quads,

stomach,

and logged everything into a spreadsheet.

I'm sure I sound nuts!

But, my self esteem BLOWS right now

and this seems to be the only

route to fixing it.

I have a picture of myself

my junior year of college

that I'm using as an unrealistic goal.

Well, unrealistic to the friends

and family that has seen

the picture.

For the record,

my family, boyfriend, friends and acquaintances

have told me I'm ridiculous

and don't need to stress

like I'm stressing.

But, now I'm the girl who can't lose weight.

Many of my friends just stop using salt

run 1 more time a week

give up sugar snacks

do three more sets of abs

change from yoga to pilates

and POOF

weight/bloat GONE!

Not me!

I went 2 weeks without adding salt to anything!

I gave up carbs and sugar!

I switched up my workouts 2304830 times.

NADA

ZIP

ZILCH!

Well that's changing now

and I hope results happen.

I don't want to hate my body

like I do now.

And I don't want to continue

to hate certain foods,

because I know that's not healthy.

Am I taking care to eat enough for sustenance and health?

ABSOLUTELY!

Have I been analyzing everything on my plate?

Yep!

Should I allow myself to indulge more than I have been?

Probably.

But, if I want to reach my goal

I have to take the hard road.

Wanna see my goal?

Source: dietadvices.com via Dana on Pinterest

Unrealistic again?!?!? Probably.

But, staying in 'matinatnece mode' has done

jack $h*t

so now

it's time to

GO BIG

or GO HOME!