November 7, 2012

What's Weight Got to Do With It!?

Yep, that dreaded SIX letter word.


It just SOUNDS heavy and horrible.

That *one* number that can
define happiness
for women.
How many of you have stepped on the scale,
and literally
held your breath,
while waiting for the numbers
to appear.
Source: via RMW on Pinterest

I know I do
I step on a scale.

Before you read on, I'm gonna give it to you straight...
Right now I weigh 115-118 and to me
that is too much.

If that number offends you,
if you are pissed I feel this way,
please just click the red X to the right.

I 100% understand that I am petite
and my weight is not very much
for an almost 30 year old.

However, I could and should be around the
110-112ish zone
and much more toned than I am currently.

I'm squishy in places I shouldn't be,
and many of my pants are snug in the
stomach and booty area.

When I say too tight I mean
the leaving lines in my skin
kind of too tight.
And no, this isn't just something
that happened recently.

This has been going on for a few years.
Pretty much as soon as I turned 25
my body changed :(!
[that and my shin injury preventing
my normal running program]

I was warned, but I didn't believe
because I was always the girl that could eat
WHATEVER she wanted
and never gain weight.

I used to be able to fit into size 00-0 pants.
And when I say used to, I don't mean in college,
 I mean 3ish years ago.

Now, some 2s and even certain styles of 4s
are too tight.

Sure, I understand as we women get older,
our body changes,
gravity happens
and metabolism slows done.

But really?!!? I can't lose
3-5 pounds
and keep them off?!?!

I've been running and going to the gym for "maintenance"
for the past 6 years.
Well, that's really helped me.
[sense the sarcasm]

I tried giving up certain foods
and I never drank soda
unless there is alchol mixed in the glass.

Again, that's really helped me!

So, I'm trying something new.
I'm being restrictive
and seriously watching
what kind of food enters my mouth.

I told C I wanted to try Paleo again,
because my way of
hasn't changed my body ONE BIT!

And so far, I've stuck to it for the most part.
There were two days my will power
majorly SUCKED
which uber ticked me off.

I haven't gotten the 'carb flu'
thank goodness.

We've measured biceps,
and logged everything into a spreadsheet.

I'm sure I sound nuts!
But, my self esteem BLOWS right now
and this seems to be the only
route to fixing it.

I have a picture of myself
my junior year of college
that I'm using as an unrealistic goal.

Well, unrealistic to the friends
and family that has seen
the picture.

For the record,
my family, boyfriend, friends and acquaintances
have told me I'm ridiculous
and don't need to stress
like I'm stressing.

But, now I'm the girl who can't lose weight.
Many of my friends just stop using salt
run 1 more time a week
give up sugar snacks
do three more sets of abs
change from yoga to pilates
and POOF
weight/bloat GONE!

Not me!
I went 2 weeks without adding salt to anything!
I gave up carbs and sugar!
I switched up my workouts 2304830 times.


Well that's changing now
and I hope results happen.
I don't want to hate my body
like I do now.
And I don't want to continue
to hate certain foods,
because I know that's not healthy.

Am I taking care to eat enough for sustenance and health?
Have I been analyzing everything on my plate?
Should I allow myself to indulge more than I have been?

But, if I want to reach my goal
I have to take the hard road.

Wanna see my goal?

Unrealistic again?!?!? Probably.

But, staying in 'matinatnece mode' has done
jack $h*t
so now
it's time to


Illegally Blonde said...

Did you just read my mind? I hit 29 and bam, body blues. I struggle to stay between 115-120 when I too used to be 110-113 like 3 years ago in law school. My body has suddenly curved where I would rather it not and bulged in those same places. I have tried new workouts, watching what I eat etc... I am convinced I destined to be what I call big for my liking. I feel your struggles love! We can lament together.

Janna Renee said...

I'm in the same boat as you! I am a little up in weight and I don't like it! I want to be perfect when Will comes home, but I'm trying to not stress too much. I think that I'm beginning to accept that my body is changing and I'm happy that I want to be positive about it. I know it's harder for you, because you are so athletic, but just so you still look bangin'!!!

Jenn said...

I know that I'm one of your friends who tells you that you look great (and you DO!) but I also understand someone's own thoughts and desires for their own body, separate from what everyone else thinks. I get it. Do whatever you need to do to feel good about yourself, because you should feel good--you're an awesome chica :)

Carolyn said...

First of all... you are NOT crazy! Girls everywhere deal with this issue ALL the time, so you're not alone. Second - I'm so glad that you have such a great partner in C! Third - YOU CAN DO IT! :) I know you are going to get to your goal. And you'll be a sexy beast. And then you can be my body guard. My teeny tiny body guard. :)

Erin said...

Thank you for this post!!! I have wanted to write one just like this but I can feel all the haters chomping at the bit without even having written it. It doesn't matter what your initial weight is - every girl feels the same pain when that number goes up five pounds.

I'm in the same damn boat. I weighed 100-105 pounds all through college (three years ago) and looked fone and healthy but now I float around 107-112. So that means seven extra pounds making me too squishy for some of my old 0's. Not okay, I'm with ya!

Holly said...

I'm totally with you! I noticed my body changing about a year or so ago, so like you, around the 25 year mark.

My problem is, I'm actually under weight for my height so it's not the number that bothers me as much (well it does a little since it's gone up a bit over the years) but it's when I look in the mirror. The belly and booty are super soft these days. And my arms too. I miss my toned ex-gymnast body but I'm having the hardest time finding the motivation to work out and stick with it :/

Bitzy said...

You realize that you have 2 conflicting goal pictures in your head? With that goal picture, your weight WILL go up as you add muscle? Do you have any idea how much weight is in that chica's BICEP alone? And while I completely understand not being satisfied with your body, you have to decide if you want superskinny 2005 body or rock hard model/boxer body, and know that those VERY different results will have VERY different paths, and that if you chose the latter, the number likely won't change the way you want it to.

Nikki said...

Girlfriend you have to be happy with your body and if making these goals is what is gonna help you than you do what you gotta do! I am here for ya if ya need anything!