June 29, 2011

WORTH to the LESS

Yup, you heard me. My body is WORTHLESS! I hate it! I am so over it! I want another one.
No, I'm not talking about being overweight or upsets with the muscle tone
(although that's another POST in itself)

My body is broken and I am at my WIT's end trying to fix it.
I've tried PT! Fail
I've tried not doing anything for weeks! Double Fail cause I'm miserable&fat
I've tried going to a podiatrist! Fail plus waaaaaaay too expensive
I've tried just working out through the pain! Triple fail plus some tears!
I've had it! I've had it! I've HAD IT!!!

I CAN'T play soccer!
I CAN'T play kickball!
I CAN'T run!
I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ACTIVE!!!

And it's making me insanely crazy, unhappy, miserable, overweight, untoned, grumpy, exhausted, any other adjective that means not happy.
{insert boo chorus heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere}

You have NO idea how much it kills me to not be active. I am an energizer bunny who is constantly on the go. I can't STAND not working out, playing soccer or just RUNNING! I've never been that girl (sorry if anyone reading is). I have ALWAYS been that girl on the team that would run the extra mile with someone else, who was first in sprints, who was the most in shape (running wise) on the team, who would never stop. And now...NOW I'm the girl who can't even wear heels because my shins hurt. I am the girl who can't go to the gym and run or work out. YOGA even bothers me. I am the girl who lets her team down because she can't play. I am the girl who doesn't want to go to practices because I am no longer one of the best.

I have an acupuncture appointment again today and I am hoping and praying it works. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I am ACTUALLY going in for a physical tomorrow morning (and getting blood drawn...eeeep) to see what I can find out. Hopefully everything will be fine and they'll just shoo me on my way. But I'm scared it's something more because my body can't just stop working right at my age right!?!?! I've never done drugs and I drink socially at most. I eat junk food but who doesn't? I have tried to clean up my eats recently and was trying to incorporate workouts more, despite being hurt.

If you get a second say a prayer for me. For my mental state of mind and for tests.
I know things could be worse, by my normal BAU life is affected and it is taking it's toll.

No comments: