June 21, 2011

Insecurities suck

**Warning: This could be seen as a pity-party mumbo-jumbo post. Please forgive me for my non-p!nk day**

INSECURITIES SUCK A BIG ONE!

Yup, there I said it: I AM INSECURE!
About alot of things; about my weight, about my scars, about my height, about my lack of figure.

Seriously, the list could GO ON AND ON AND ON!

Usually, I can battle those demons and make them go away.

I KNOW I am blessed.
I KNOW I have family and friends that love me.
I KNOW I am lucky to have food, water, shelter and a job.
I KNOW I have a boyfriend who loves and cares about me.

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!

But hell if these INSECURITIES don't just rear their little unwanted heads.
And DRAT if they don't have the ability to RUIN my head and my day.

You THINK you are done with something that happened in the past, say 6ish years ago. You were hurt....HURT REALLY REALLY BADLY. A huge blow to your ego and your life. Was one of the hardest points of college, but it made you stronger. You brushed yourself off, you stood up for yourself and you moved on.

But. you. didn't. forget.

You guard your heart. You guard your head. You WORRY CONSTANTLY about it.
YOUCANTLETITGO!

But you try and try and try. And some days it feels like its gone.
All rainbows and butterflies.


THEN
BAM!

Like a COLD SHOWER that insecurity slaps you SMACK in the face.
And brings you to your knees.
and not to pray.
But, to cry and cry and cry.

The hardest thing being, this is something sooo
personal
You can't share it with any of your girlfriends. And being a non solitary sistah, it hurts even more to try and conquer this one on your own. Just when you think you've figured it back out and are STRONG WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR, that one little itty bitty question peeks it's head up again and crumbles your walls before the mortar and cement have dried.


However, the words "I LOVE YOU" can mean the difference between light and dark. Those three simple words and "Throw those insecurities out the window" can help bring you back to the world of rainbows and butterflies. A lap to cry in and the kissing away of tears can give you strength to smile, regroup and move on.

"It's a good thing he did huh??!?!?"

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