April 25, 2017

When the Bad Self Takes Over the Brain

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"You're not good enough."

"Gosh, when did you get so soft?"

"Everyone else is enjoying life more than you are."

"Why do bad things always happen to me?"

"Her? Yeah, that girl. She's better than you and has everything now."

"Sweet chicken pox facial scars and forehead wrinkle lines. #ugly"

"They're laughing at your picture online."

"You're in this mess because you messed with safety."

"Kiss the easy life goodbye, honey. You chose this, you now live it."

"Those dreams? Yeah, never gonna happen, so stop wasting your time."

All those nasty thoughts you struggle with secretly. All the bad things that go through your head. Don't worry, you're not the only one dealing with them. I constantly battle the bad self. The bad thoughts and more often then not, I battle them away. They get pushed into a box after I count my blessings and remember each day is a gift. Usually I find the good and can move on with a smile.

But.

But, sometimes.

Sometimes the bad self takes over the brain and won't be ignored. Sometimes, I fall down the rabbit hole of self doubt, fear and pity. Sometimes my bright world turns grey as I list all the things wrong with me, my body, my life, my decisions and my world. I find hundreds upon thousands of things I can't change and wallow in the quiet space inside my brain.

My smile dims. My laugh quiets. My motivation dries up like the desert. "Live here" repeats over and over again. An anthem to give up, to recognize the insignificance of myself in such a vast, exotic world. "Nothing". Just, "nothing."

Thoughts and words are powerful. They can shape our existence and our well being. Thankfully, my time with the 'bad self' usually is limited to a few days. Someone, some song, or something usually pulls the clouds away and I revive myself in the sunshine pouring down onto my soul. Tears often richen the soil of my heart and I emerge with goals anew, visions a plenty and an even more grateful heart. Life is a blessing.

Until next time, melancholy. - xx

April 24, 2017

Confession Monday

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I confess . . .

... Today is a struggle after a wedding weekend. I was actually good and didn't stay up too late, it was just a traveling weekend and we hit some traffic on the way home. Sunday was lazier than planned but the naps were needed. Heck. I need one now.

... I hate answering the phone. It's been a part of my last job and current one, but man do I hate it.

... People being ungrateful makes me mad and sad. Complaining constantly just isn't a good look.

... This job seemed like it would lend more time to blogging, but so far, not so much. Will be working on it though, because I have the time just learning about the set up.

... Friday I taped for a new certification and I still haven't uploaded it. That's three days it could have been assessed but our traveling and the stupid incompatibility with my MAC has me behind. Again.

... I haven't been listening to my body like I should. I know when it feels the best and what I need to eat to make it look the best but I've been lazy. And now I'm paying for it. I hate being bloated.

... Even though I'm normally as scardy cat, I am beyond ready for my gallbladder surgery. It happens next month and I cannot wait to get my life back. Send up prayers for me?

... Le Husband's traveling schedule has helped us recenter and get back to the couple we used to be together. I have a post sitting in drafts [not sure if it will ever see the light of day] about how hard it is to struggle with your spouse and life. We still have a lot to work on, but things are slowly getting back to normal.

... I miss Europe!

April 14, 2017

{Just} Another Trip Around the Sun

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Or, the biggest trip yet. Hard to believe friends, hard to believe. Even so, here we are again. My birthday. [Well, tomorrow is the actual day, but I rarely post on Saturdays, so today. We talk today.] The start of a new year, a blank slate. Staring 34 in the face with fear, trepidation, excitement, thankfulness, joy, humility and hope.

364 days ago, Le Husband and I started our great European adventure [which I STILL haven't finished putting here, le sigh]. We toured Europe for a month and then came home and changed states. The past year has flown by it seems, just whoosh.

There have been moments when days felt like years and minutes couldn't pass by quick enough. Days, even on the lake, dragged as we couldn't find a job or our footing in this new space. Our plan was to live with family for a month, maybe two tops. Somehow two turned into six and suddenly we were celebrating the holidays not in a place of our own.

Jobs. Oh, jobs. Ones I applied for back in the summer are still posted on Linkedin. Yeah, those easy jobs I thought I could float into, yep, never happened. Instead, Le Husband worked commissions only for a new company and I took a job I knew I would hate from day one. But, it was the only thing out there and we needed to start making money.

The tears. The frustrations. The feelings of failure. They were all felt during 33. Two of my favorite number, but quite possibly the hardest year of my entire life. Thirty three has challenged me more than any year. Thirty three pushed me beyond my expectations and outside of my comfort zone. Honestly, I don't know where my 'comfort zone' is anymore because everything seems to be uncomfortable.

33 was hard. Beyond hard. Life changing hard. 33  was also incredible. 33 was adventure. Taking a chance. 33 was finally putting words to action and leaping into the unknown. 33 was finding my what and now my why. 33 was falling in love with group fitness and decided to chart a new course. 33 was fresh air and catching my breath all in one.

34 starts as a home owner. 34 is living in a new state and not having a family birthday dinner. 34 is putting the birthdayaholic aside for life and others. 34 is beast mode. 34 is looking inside my heart and declaring what I want for my future. 34 is close to the best shape I've ever been in since college. 34 is lonely at times, still. 34 is learning who I want to be and rebuilding my tribe. 34 is new, fresh, unsoiled, full of possibilities and rife with new challenges. 34 is redemption. 34 is the year of unstoppable.

April 3, 2017

A New Life Begins Today

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Today...

... I woke up earlier than normal with butterflies in my stomach.

... I put on regular clothes instead of black jeans and a black polo.

... I spent more time than normal on my hair and makeup.

... I turned off two exits before my old job.

... I packed a gym bag to work out AFTER work.

... I will be learning a whole new routine.

... I will join a new team.

... I feel as though my life is back in my own hands.

... I start my new fitness instructor routine with FOUR classes a week.

... I begin again.

Wish me luck and have a FABULOUS MONDAY, peaches.

March 29, 2017

An Attitude Adjustment


Monday night I had a moment. A very big moment. It turned into a big #transformationtuesday moment. If you follow me on insta you've already seen what I'm talking about, but for my records here it is again. 

The picture you see above is me last summer/fall. Pretty sweet right? I've worked forever to get abs and boom they finally showed up. I was the leanest I've ever been and back at my wedding weight, which is where I've T R I E D to get many times, to no avail. And finally, HERE I WAS, goal weight and abs showing. 

But, at what cost? I was teaching probably 7 of the same classes a week, plus certifying another format, all while looking for a full time job. The girl up there...wasn't sleeping. The girl up there...was barely eating because there was no appetite due to stress. The girl up there...lost EIGHT pounds in a month due to a death in the family and life. The girl up there... was living in someone else's home trying desperately to figure out where life was going to turn next. 

Monday I taught a BODYATTACK class and as I looked in the mirror I immediately went yuck. My arms...not as toned. My legs...big. My booty...strong but not lifted enough. My stomach...soft, soft soft. It was disheartening when I realized how far I had 'let myself go'. I had a down in the dumps moment, then rocked the stage as best I could for my members. 

After class I got to thinking. This 'softer' body still functions like the leaner one. I can still rock two classes a day. I can still tuck jump, pushup, pull up, squat and run with a smile while teaching. This softer body is due to stability. To an actual INCOME where eating cheat meals can happen without freaking out. Where small little victories equal a trip to froyo to celebrate. Where I'm actually HUNGRY and want to eat food. Where pop tarts with coworkers become a fun bonding moment. This softer body isn't a BAD thing. Is it where I want to be ideally? NO! But, I can make the right choices and get where I want SAFELY and the right way. 

Longwinded post, and possibly boring for most, but hey, that's cool. I just wanted to pop in and say YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Take today as a moment to reflect on how incredible your body is RIGHT NOW, because it REALLY is an incredible machine. < 3



March 22, 2017

Right Now {How Is It Almost April?}

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Un-freaking-beliavable right? I'm in awe April is RIGHT around the corner and super excited spring to O F F I C I A L L Y has arrived. Can I get a warm weather AMEN? A M E N!

As I write this I realize it has almost been 365 days since Le Husband and I left our jobs and moved. A week from today we bought our storage unit and started packing up our stuff. Our way too much stuff. Our life all of a sudden fit in a storage unit and my parent's house. BUT, that is post for a different day.

Right now. . . I'm looking at the calendar and realizing I have less than TWO WEEKS at my gym job. LESS THAN TWO WEEKS of being an operations manager and less than two weeks of living a hellacious six months. I always try to keep the job of the blog, so I won't SAY much else here [you've read enough], but if you want to really know about my life hit me up in the comments.

Right now. . . We are in the middle of looking for my replacement and I have high goals for some of the candidates. Some good internal candidates who will make the transition much easier, which is a very good thing. I think I've made some good changes and there is a good operational flow to the group.

Right now. . . Word has gotten out that I am leaving and I have sooooo many people asking why and saying they will miss me. Super awesome for the ego, but super tough when I don't want to truly say why I'm leaving. Yes, money is the BIG reason, I'm leaving for a better paying job. However, that is not all. I am also leaving for a better state of mind and more peace in my life, yet I don't feel comfortable sharing that with people. Partially I see it as a failure. Partially I see it as being ungrateful. And partially it's not of their damn business. Eeeep, well that sounds harsh for those who will miss me.

Right now. . . Hearing people will miss me means a lot. Because I've only been here six months. Because I've been a basket case most of those months. Because I've so often felt like I was failing everyone. Because that means I did what I was here to do and that my changes worked. Because knowing you've touched someone's life after so short a time means so much to a people pleaser.

Right now. . . Le Husband and I are knee deep in housing renovations, but we are also slowly getting back to our together life. Meaning, our traveling life and our eating life and our working out life. It's been such a struggle without a routine and with my job being so demanding outside of working hours. We could NEVER truly find time to get away, without me being worried about something at the gym. Now, we can plan. Now we can say YES to weddings and family trips and just taking a weekend away visiting friends. I cannot wait for the freedom.

Right now. . . I'm trying SO HARD not to buy all the cute clothes. My wardrobe has only consisted of black pants, black polo and tennis shoes. Great for the budget but no fun at all to wear. I've actually ruined two pairs of black pants which really pisses me off. Now, I just want to spend the money on cute trends. Now I want to go crazy at the outlets. Now I want to go crazy online shopping. I won't go crazy, but I plan to buy two new fun pieces...any thoughts?

Right now. . . I am swimming in Les Mills new release choreography. First Launch in Tennessee I had one release, BODYPUMP. Second, I had three, BODYPUMP, BODYATTACK, & Barre. This time I have four, BODYPUMP, BODYATTACK, BODYCOMBAT and Barre. Which means lots and lots of new choreography to learn in just a few weeks. I have a better handle on it all this round than last time and have already made some great progress.

Right now. . . I am slated to start teaching FOUR classes a week, WOOHOO! So excited to teach at multiple gyms and have some extra cash flow coming in, even with a raise. I really am excited for the growth I'm going to experience teaching so many classes.

What's going on in your life right now?

March 16, 2017

Messy, Busy & Ever Changing

First, THANK YOU for all your kind wishes and words. Seriously, y'all are the BESTEST! I can't tell you how much it means each of you still read and care, insert smiley face. I miss conversations here and I miss the supportive community. Y'all make me really wanna come back. Here's hoping, right? RIGHT?!

While I'm here, I guess I'll share a bit more about what we've been up to since February. My life has been consumed by work, teaching/practicing Les Mills classes and remodeling our townhouse. Le Husband has gone all Chipper Jones on me and I'm doing my best to jump in when [and where] I can. I HOPE to chronicle in a more DIY post, especially with the popcorn ceiling, but for now I thought it would be fun to share a summary of all the work going down.

We've been... 

Removing popcorn ceilings...






Repainting the faaaaabulous yellow walls...

We went with a dark accent wall and a light grey all around
Completely redoing the fireplace...



Picking out new flooring, new counter tops, master bath tiles and fixtures...




Oh yeah, and spending tons of time online looking for the best deals and decor ideas. We are still bring a whole 'feel' to the house but have decided on a color scheme and theme. Probably not at all on trend, but that's okay. I must say I'm in LOVE with subway tile, chandeliers, copper fixtures, deep hardwoods, clean whites and of course a few pops of colors. The hardest part right now is still living in chaos, but once the floors are done downstairs everything will finally come together and feel more like home. If you have any DIY tips or shopping for decor tips, PLEASE share! I'm all about a bargain and saving some time. Fingers crossed for us this week, we're hoping to lay down the hardwood floors.

March 15, 2017

What's Happening... I HAVE A NEW JOB!

Yes, y'all, YES! I have a NEW JOB!!!! A NEW FREAKING JOB! P.T.L. times a billion! Throw the Glitter!
My life is changing the first week of April. For the better and I couldn't be more grateful for a new opportunity. I have been hoping and praying for this change for the past four months and finally, F I N A L L Y there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Don't get me wrong, I am beyond thankful for my current job. It finally brought me to full time work after months of part time. It allowed me to dabble in the fitness field. It brought me to some incredible people. It QUALIFIED us for our townhouse. It taught me how to manage people. It threw me in the fire time after time and tested me over and over. I learned to be stronger than I ever knew I could be and I learned to let things go, which has been a struggle for many years.

Honest truth, finances motivated this move. Well, this opportunity fell into my lap, thanks to an incredible friend, but actually considering a move was all about the dollar dollar bills. My current job pays very little and with a new townhouse and renovations needed, the pay just wasn't cutting it anymore.

I'd be lying if I didn't mention how excited I am for a set schedule again. My life since November has been so topsy-turvy and not being able to make plans has been a real struggle. This OM life is 100% not for me. I need to be able to make plans for the weekend and know when I plan to go home and take a day off I will be able to actually enjoy the time away. Too many times in the past six months I've been burned and I'm so ready to be able to turn my phone off at night without worrying about an overnight crisis. My job has made me cry more times than I can count and moving on is the best thing for everyone involved. I know Le Husband is more than ready for me to be somewhere more settled.

I will still be connect to the gym though, as I now have two classes on the spring schedule and since my new job is close it is set to work out really well. I'm glad I'll still get to see my friends, my coworkers and some of the members. This lil gym has become a sort of family and there is a part of me sad to be leaving. I'll also miss the lunchtime workouts and access to the gym when it's quiet.

BUT. I'M.SO.READY.FOR.CHANGE! SO, I N C R E D I B L Y ready! I can't think of a better ONE MONTH TILL YOUR BIRTHDAY present. This new schedule will mean more time here, to record the renovations [ so many to share, eeek], our new life, and actually catch up with all of y'all. Cause I've missed blogland like whoa. Hope you have a fantastic day, loves!



February 17, 2017

Fri-YAY!

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The best day of the week is here, woop woop! Today I'm focusing on the YAY of Friday.

YAY... I taught four BODYPUMP classes and felt shifts happening in my teaching.

YAY... I'm super excited for my BODYATTACK class tonight. 

YAY... Le Husband was home all week. 

YAY... We did Mexican and Margaritas for Valentine's day with a friend which was a blast.

YAY... My staff at work is showing up, being consistent and people are willing to always help out.

YAY... A short weekend trip is planned and I'm excited to feel like I have a life again.

YAY... I'm SLEEPING!

YAY... Le Husband picked up major slack when I felt HORRIBLE on Wednesday. 

YAY... The weather seems to be consistently warmish and not freezing.

YAY... I'm finding time to blog.

YAY... Les Mills released all the new formats for each program yesterday!

YAY... You guys make me smile, constantly. THANK YOU!

February 15, 2017

What's Happening in My World

1] Work is still annoying but not as stressful. I've gotten scheduling down pretty well and can get things taken care of, I just hate working the front desk every day. I also hate dealing with ungrateful people. I thought I was more of a people person, but this job reminds me too much of retail and I think something more steady without so much facility responsibility will make me happier.

2] Speaking of happier, my fitness journey is continuing and I'm loving all the growth. I'm stronger, fitter and leaner than I have been in awhile and beyond grateful for the changes in my physical body. Bringing BODYCOMBAT into my regimen has given me another awesome tool for leaning up and the cardio is out of this world. I do miss lifting heavy and need to add that back into my training, especially since I need to finish up my PT cert.

3] Speaking of that, have NOT made nearly enough progress with the program and book. I have to pass my exam by May and holy cow here we are in the middle of February. I need to get my act together, however it seems like new choreography keeps popping up and I'm not able to spend time with the text book. Need to work on planning PT time into my day.

4] Studying LES MILLS has been my life. This past weekend I attended a second Advanced Training and came out an Advanced Instructor in BodyPump. My next goal is to become ELITE and then hopefully become a trainer if everything falls into place. It's  BIG BIG GOAL and I have quite a few things to work on first.

5] Those being talking LESS in my classes when instructing and SMILING more. Yeah, this girl RIGHT HERE was told she needed to smile more when teaching because I come off much too dominant and need to be able to reach the more social people in the class. Very strange, but actually makes sense when you really dive deep into who I am and how I want to be perceived on stage.

6] Life has kept me from really being present in many things and I'm still not sleeping the greatest. I'm not sure if there is a happy medium with my job and being present and happy, but I'm doing my best to find it. Maybe it will take a new job and that's okay. I know this isn't forever, I just might need to find something sooner rather than later.

7] I still miss my family and friends back home like whoa. My tribe here is amazing, but things still aren't the same. I miss my regular dinners with friends, my church, my soccer team [ oh i miss soccer], my other gym friends, casual and quick dining places and just the ease I had living. It will come, I know, sometimes I just wish it were sooner.

What's happening in your world?

February 9, 2017

Loving Lately {The JUST HANDLE IT Edition}


What, a post without whining? Is this a different blog? Nope, friends, nope! I'm trying to get back into the swing of things and TRYING not to be so negative. I've heard from quite a few of you that you like how REAL I've been about my struggles and you have no idea how much I appreciate those words. I NEVER want to be fake and I'll NEVER pretend things are roses if they aren't. I know people like that and KNEW people like that and it drove me bananas how FAKE their blog was compared to their REAL LIFE personality and situation. However, that's another post for another day. 

Life has been nothing SHORT of bananas for me, so my faves and loves have come in QUITE handy. None of these are new, well one is, the facial mask [oh em gee love] was recently discovered at Target, they are just my tried and true steady eddies. 

Or, old pieces I totally forgot about and now use like crazy. I'm looking at you Oakley Kitchen Sink. Le Husband and I bought Oakley bags back in the day for traveling and kickball and since we've moved I haven't touched my bag. Well, I barely used it last year now that I think about it, haha. My gym back was NOT cutting it for work, it didn't have enough pockets and all of a sudden I went, wait a minute, I have a solution. This bad boy is super comfortable and holds a ton of crap! I carry my laptop, binder with teaching materials, planner, keys, makeup bag, workout outfits and BCAA cup easily. The only bummer is if I want to change out shoes, but I just keep those in my car, no sweat. HIGHLY recommend this bag, totally worth the price.

Being so involved with Les Mills I basically live in workout pants outside of work. Zellas are my favorite because they are SUPER comfy, wear well without thinning and if you take care of them last forever. Normally I'm in black pants at work and very now and then will throw on my Zellas and they feel great all day. 

Reebok sponsors Les Mills, so I've slowly started building my Reebok wardrobe. The shoes have been pretty incredible and I'm so glad I snapped a few up during Black Friday. The pumps are my favorite, perfect for cross training and magic when teaching BODYPUMP. I need to find a more active shoe for ATTACK and COMBAT, though. Any suggestions?

November and December I was just about survival at work, so my hair and makeup routine was pretty horrid. I did not take care of myself and I hated how scruffy and blah I looked. I've started to take care of my appearance more now, hello fresh new hair cut and products, but still need things to be quick and easy. No fuss, because after all, it is a gym, right? Still loving my ELF primer and the mineral eyeshadow is pretty fantastic for all day wear. Garnier makes the best undereye concealer, I look like I'm carrying shopping bags under my eyes if I forget to swipe it on in the morning. 

Lastly, I have to send out some love to a group, not a thing. This move has been hard and stressful and I've wanted to throw in the towel more times than I can count. But, it has brought me to my people. My tribe. Those who will never leave me and who support me unconditionally. I'm talking about my group fitness peeps. My peers, my members and now, my squad. I have created fast and secure friendships all because of group fitness. Some of my closets friends I've met at trainings and my Facebook group keeps growing because of people I've connect to through new formats and new classes. I am beyond grateful for finding my niche and for finding those people who will always be there because they GET IT! I love fitness, I love results and I love my squad.

February 7, 2017

Trying to Find My Light


And holy Sh*t has my pink ass been kicked. Every time I wanted to come here and write, decompress and veg out I couldn't because I didn't have the energy. Why? Because I'm not sleeping. Why? Because I'm constantly practicing or teaching classes. Why? Because my job is bananas and barely gives me time to breathe. Why? Because we just bought a town house and there is ALWAYS something that needs to be done. 

I have been a tired soul. The toll of life hurt my heart and my brain and I have been so emotionally, physically and mentally fatigued. It was all I could do to get out of bed and roll into work. The only, O N L Y piece of joy came teaching group fitness. The hour I could zone out with the music and my members gave me a piece of my soul back, but it was never, ever enough. Class ended too soon and suddenly it was back to horrible, stressful, awful reality.

When I say I'm not sleeping, I'm talking newborn parents not sleeping. I'm up EVERY HOUR, like clockwork. Through new hires I've managed to put together a pretty great team and my overnight guy is money now. So, you'd think I'd be okay to sleep knowing he'd be there...nope. Every night, for weeks, no sleep. I finally made a doctors appointment and have been using different plans to combat symptoms but have yet to find an actual cure. When I sleep for five hours I feel like a million bucks and have thankfully had a few of those nights recently. But the normal three hours of collective sleep is slowly crushing me.

I had no idea the toll no sleep and all this stress was taking until my boss at work asked me if I was okay. A dude, y'all, a dude. He point blank asked me if my quality of life was okay because I looked awful. I answered him truthfully and said no, I'm not okay. Because, y'all, I wasn't. 

I am so stressed about money. I have made friends but don't do anything because I don't want to spend money.  I am so over my job. I hate the stress, even though I've now created a stellar team. I'm over the bullshit, the new initiatives and slogans. They legit don't pay me enough and it's hard to have buy-in when you're not getting compensated for your work. I want to be in the fitness world, but operations is NOT for me. All of this stress doesn't just stay with me at work, I bring it home. 

Want to put stress on your marriage? Try quitting your jobs, moving to a new state without jobs, live in someone else's home for six months [four months longer than anticipated], get a new stressful job, buy a home on a teeny salary and then try to move in during the winter and busiest time of the year for said job. Yeah, it's been super peachy here. We are learning together and growing together, which is good, just so the opposite of easy.

Life has been dark, so dark and I've struggled to find the light at the end of my tunnel. I know there has to be one, but it's so dim and far away I wonder if it exists or is just a figment of my imagination. Last week brought me some extra light from friends in response to an Instagram post. My faithful cheerleaders showed up and helped me realize it is achievable and it can be done, I just have to faith and continue to work hard. So that is what I will do. I will continue to show up to the arena and get my ass kicked. I will continue to bring my light into the darkness and look ahead. I will continue to try and achieve my goals and find the finish line ahead. One step forward, one day at a time.


January 17, 2017

Happy Birthday, Husband!


Sure, we're 3+ years past our wedding, but I don't care. I'm still going to post a picture from the best day ever. We've has many adventures this year, some incredible and some terrible, yet through it all we were together. You are the BCAAs to my protein powder, the butter to my sautéed mushrooms, the red wine reduction to my medium rare steak, the fluffy blanket to my couch, the complimentary color to my pink and my best friend. Wishing you an amazing year and so thankful I get to do life with you. Love you to the moon, back and straight to the stars. xoxoxoxoxoxo

January 13, 2017

Fitness Friday the Thirteenth

Y'all, two posts back to back, stop the world! Hah! I really think I'll be able to get back into the blogging groove now that things in my life are more settled. Probably not five days a week, but at least three, fingers crossed.

Why am I so busy you ask? Oh you know, I work at a gym and my life is alllll about that fitness, everyday, errryday. Most of the time my stress is brought on by something I'm not that into, but the past two weeks and especially the past few days my stress has been high but my smile has been big. This weekend is FITTEST at Gold's and also the GLOBAL LAUNCH OF #BODYPUMP100!

THIS.IS.HUGE! Something so massive and so fantastical, I'm just grateful to be a part of it. Normally launch week is a busy time of year, but this year it's even busier since we are launching multiple programs over the weekend. I have three different formats I've had to learn and with my new job haven't been able to spend as much time as I normally do learning the chorey. But, I was a great late night studier so I'm confident my brain power will work, I just hope my body does. Check out my weekend, and then add two more classes Monday and Tuesday! #thatinstructorlife


Check out some of the fun I've been learning!


You'd think after this week I'd be all 'ahhhh I can't wait to relax', yeah, no! Once this week is over it's time to perfect my BODYPUMP100 technique because I have another training schedule for February that will take my coaching even further. I'm excited but super nervous because this could make or a break a big dream/goal of mine for the year. 

Speaking of goals, did I mention I was also trying to become a personal trainer in the next five months? Oh yeah, I am. This is a relatively new goal of mine and something I never thought I'd EVER attempt. But, being here in Tennessee and really sinking into the fitness world has made me realize what an ASSET a national certification would be for my career. I hope I can make myself proud and really absorb all of the knowledge to becomes one kick@$$ trainer. The sky is the limit once I pass my test and I'm looking forward to where my fitness path might lead.

Soooooo, yeah, how are you spending your weekend :)!?

January 12, 2017

No Place Like Home


Yes, friends, YES! 

After months of feeling lost, days of feeling depressed, weeks of wondering if this was the stupidest decision ever, finally, finally have A H O M E! You may have seen the good news over Instagram on Saturday [ find me here ] and I've just now found the time to update this space with the news. 

Le Husband and I closed on a townhouse last Friday and moved everything in over the weekend [talk about that adventure another day]. Right now the place is filled with boxes, both taped and opened, and our kitchen looks like a bomb exploded, but that's okay. It is OUR KITCHEN in OUR HOME. There is a lot of work to be done and we are slowly making lists, unpacking, organizing and brainstorming ideas to make it even more us. 

Thank you all for the support and prayers the past seven months. This move was much harder than anticipated on me, on Le Husband on our marriage and just in general. Now it all makes sense and now it is all worth the pain, tears, stress, frustration and failures. We are where we need to be and it's time to build our life in Knoxville. 


I can't wait to show you more pictures once everything gets more situated and get ready for a a bunch of DIYs because this place needs some work. Two words, popcorn ceiling [i know]. Now that we have Internet I'm hopefully going to get back into the swing of blogging and will be visiting y'all soon. Before I go, I have to share a picture of our second meal in the new place. The first night I created homemade bagel bites which were delicious but not something to brag about. Saturday night [after a ridiculous day, again, more to come] Le Husband decided he wanted homemade chicken and waffles so that's what we made. They, along with champagne and a Disney movie on my laptop, created the most perfect dinner experience and will be a memory I hold on to for a very long time. 

Thank you again for being here during our journey and for championing us when we lost faith. Y'all mean so much to me and I'm so grateful for each comment, prayer, happy vibe and well wish. I hope y'all have a wonderful rest of the week!

January 5, 2017

A New Year... A New Challenge...A New Life

Hello 2017...a few days late. Story of my life since November, huh? This poor lil space has been so neglected due to life, frustrations, happenings, depression, job stresses and just a plain old disheartened spirit.

December 2016 was quite different than December 2015 and I started a post looking back on where I was last holiday season. I was blogging about gift guides, cohosting a holiday linkup, talking about parties, food and traditions, scouring the Internets for the best buys and sharing in the joy of the hustle and bustle on other blogs.

Last month...I posted a total of five times. F I V E! During the busiest and most festive time of the year. I'd blame it all on work, however that would be a lie. It wasn't 100% work, maybe 85% which is still high when you think about it right? Quite often I was too tired to even think about the computer, or I was teaching or I was hanging out with family for dinner or just sitting trying to find my center.

The few times I opened up this space I'd write a sentence or two and then get stuck. Because that's what I've felt the past two months, stuck.

Stuck in a job I don't really care for but I know is a good experience.

Stuck in someone else's home.

Stuck feeling nervous, anxious, worried, fearful and stressed.

Stuck thinking about a possible medical issue which keeps popping up.

Stuck with thoughts of doubts, sadness and nostalgia in my head.

Stuck comparing where I was last year and where everyone else seems to be while I'm in this place.

Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.

Being stuck SUCKS.

As you can imagine, posts like this were not what I wanted when everyone was posting happy, happy, joy, joy, party, party life is grand. Not only did I feel whiny, I felt annoyed I was the only one feeling this way. The only one 'going through something' which I know is not true at all. Everyone has something they are dealing with and right now this feeling of stuck is my burden.

I'd like to say I've got this new mantra for the New Year and I've changed my mindset. That would only be 75% true. I am adapting a 'IT WILL ALL WORK OUT' thought process when I can, because it all has worked out so far. I was able to go home for Thanksgiving. I was able to go home to surprise my family. I was able to take off for Christmas and I was able to have a quiet New Years. Missing out on those were my big fears when I applied for this job, and lookie there, Pinky, it all worked out.

2017 has started with  a bang, both good and bad. Good I'll share next week, stay tuned it's big. The bad, yeah kind of tough. Someone quite without notice, which took away weekend help, I'm losing a kids care person and an overnight person at the end of the month, which I just learned about this week. Yeah, lots to work around and multiple puzzles to solve so NOT BORING.

My challenge is to keep the positive in focus, to trust in Him, to not cry overtime something goes wrong and to embrace this trying season of life. Because soon, it will pay off. SOON it will all make sense, I just have to hold on, with that hope for the new life down the road.