June 22, 2017

Joy Bombs Volume Tre

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My optimistic nature is something I love about myself. Sounds conceited, but it's the truth. When life gets tough I cry, wallow and then turn to the good as quickly as I can. I try to find the happy and J O Y in the every day and count my blessings. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred my mood changes, my outlook gets brighter and I realize life is pretty freaking great. I wrote this post last week after my tough news because I needed a refresh.

Current joy bombs at the moment:

.:. freshly hung paintings bringing a sense of home to a house.

.:. the smell of flowers after the rain.

.:. faux flowers in crystal vases adding a pop of color.

.:. surprise days of no humidity and 80 degree sunshine.

.:. the unexpected compliment from a fellow instructor about my class. #smilesohard

.:. penpal letters in the mail.

.:. FaceTime with family.

.:. finding extra money in old jackets, jeans and shorts.

.:. DMV visits which last less than thirty minutes.

.:. favorite show marathons on a lazy, rainy weekend.

.:. having your ideal teaching schedule line up for the next quarter at the gym.

What are joy bombs in your life right now?

June 21, 2017

Some Weekend Pics

***Before we get to my post I have to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who commented yesterday. Posting a glimpse behind the curtains of this space was scary, but something I knew I needed to do to be me. Your words, support, emails, texts and thoughts truly made my day and I am so grateful to each and everyone of you. I really think everyone should write their own "What you don't see" post, I know I'd love to read them all. Anyway, THANK YOU!***


Moving on to my weekend pictures...on a Wednesday, yup. Our weekend was so fast paced and busy I just did not have time to recap everything on Sunday afternoon. So much was done and accomplished over the weekend but I honestly just wanted to nap after my horribly tough and disappointing week. Nevertheless, I committed to getting err done and reaped the reward Sunday night.


This weekend I...

... finally made it to the DMV to become a LEGIT Tennessee resident. Yup, VA no more for this lil Pinkster. I anticipated at least an hour because, Friday, but was pleasantly surprised to be in and out of there in under 45 minutes. There was a slight heart attack during the eye exam, but phew, your girl passed.

... cracked up over my picture because the lady didn't give me warning, doh. Personally I feel like I'm channeling my inner Regina George at the bar two drinks in, haha. Thoughts?

... came home and took a quick lay down while waiting for Le Husband to get home.

... made a compliant dinner, watched some CWS then went to bed early to catch up on sleep.

... woke up way earlier than I wanted and honestly was a bit grumpy about teaching two classes back to back. I'm a yes girl when people need help, but I really wished I had taken the weekend off.

... taught one of my BEST BODYPUMP classes in awhile and had a fellow instructor and a few other members mention how well I taught the class. I put so much into preparing it was so wonderful to hear such kind words.

... felt much better after the excurcise.

... came home, ate food then attacked the mountain of things we needed to get done. We went to Hearth and Home to get a GREEN EGG [heart eye emoji], Home Depot for bookshelf stuff, grocery store for a cookout and smoothie place for food.


... had quite a few men comment on my husband being a 'lucky father' because of our Home Depot haul.

... finished painting the stairway, prepped the upstairs and enjoyed our first GREEN EGG MEAL.

... woke up lazy Sunday morning then ripped through our TO DOS.

... did gardening in the front yard, love our pretty yellow flower.


... helped Le Husband make a bookshelf, did laundry, hung pictures and started decorating the home.



... talked to Daddy on the phone for Father's day.

... went over to my aunt and uncles house for a Father's day dinner. Hung out with T-Bone, too.


... came home, prepped for the week and went to bed.

There you go, our weekend in pictures and in a nutshell. It was fun, tiring, rewarding and family oriented. All good things to me indeed. Cheers to hump day and the weekend being close again.

June 20, 2017

What You Don't See

Mount Denali circa 2014 [a view rarely seen by visitors because of weather]

Hello! Stop whatever you're doing [yes, even reading my blog] and go read THIS piece by my girl, Alyssa [I'll wait]. Done, so good right? Oh, I guess I better clarify, she's not MY girl, but she's someone who tells it like it is and has a fantastic way of inspiring me with her writing. Not only is it 100% grammatically correct - something I'm working on - {Did I even do that right?} her words seem to flow together so easily and all of a sudden I've read six blog posts in a snap. Talent my friends, talent.

Her most recent post broke down something I've had simmering in my head. There are many posts I've read recently and wondered 'what is really going on' or 'is that the real truth?' because it just felt too perfect. Too crafted. Too too, if you will. And then I wondered, 'what do people think about my blog'? Granted, this blog has been neglected and changed a lot in the past year due to life, but back when I was blogging more and sharing more with y'all did it seem authentic? Also, where is the balance in what you share and what you don't share? How much is too much? How much makes someone say 'you know it's out there forever right'? I like to think I keep a good line between real life and not too much. I plan to keep things the same going forward, but today I'm sharing a little bit more than normal. The things you don't see when you read here. The things normally kept just for me in real life.

|| the frustrated moments when i'm a complete mess, crying through my fears and my husband just looks at me. this makes me even madder because all i want is female support but, duh, he's not a female.

|| coinciding with the above, you rarely read about our fights/stresses because i'm one who keeps that off the blog. doesn't mean it doesn't happen, i just choose not to share it. we've had more than normal this year and they have been doozies to say the least. those tough moments of being ugly i keep to myself for the most part.

|| how unhappy i am where my work life has landed. yes, that makes me sound ungrateful so i don't share much here. where i was before was so much worse, so much harder and so much stress but here, now. this place is so unfulfilling and so backwards from where i was in virgina.

|| the tons of pictures i take for fitness stuff and never post. i want so badly to venture into the online fitness world, into a new blog all about fitness and an instagram account for people to use as inspiration. but, i get scared and don't share anything because really, with everything already out there where and how would i stand out?

|| how badly i procrastinate. i'm one of the worst out there, trust me. i wait until the last minute and am one of those who end up paying penalties because things are late. not all the time, but still, often enough. i book flights late. i wait to study or learn things late. i put off asking the hard questions and 90% of the time laziness is the main culprit.

|| our messy, dysfunctional house. we've lived here six months plus and still have things helter skelter. one room, our only other bedroom, is a disaster catch all for the things we don't have a place for yet. i know many a friend who moved with children and had their home settled in two weeks. us? yeah, we just can't seem to get it all together at once.

|| the research I've started to find a therapist. wow. i said it. here. the move away and the stress of everything the past year has brought to life some anxiety and depression i had no idea i held inside. part of my doesn't share this because, my business, but the other part doesn't share because i feel a judgement for being over dramatic.

|| how much i stress and worry about being a good instructor. and how much drama the instructor world holds. it is more work than anyone realizes and it can be tough when people get nasty.

|| the small quiet moments of love and joy. i used to try and share them, with a quick picture and note, but that seemed to taint the moment. now i just enjoy them. with le husband, with friends, with family or just on my own. living my moments means not sharing them here all the time.

June 16, 2017

Weekly Wins


Bestest look on the bestest day by the bestest daddy
+++ So this post was prepped before I took my test. And received my score...saying I didn't pass. I was pretty devastated last night, it hurt my ego a lot. This was almost a no post because I was so upset. But, I cried it out to family, got support from Le Husband and ate a compliant Whole30 smoothie before bed and feel a bit better today. It sucks, bad, but nothing can be done now, I can only move forward and do my best to pass next time. Thanks for the sweet vibes, yesterday!+++

+ Studying and test is OVER, thank the gummy bears above! I'm just so so so so so glad it is over. I procrastinated way too much and could have used another week, but hey, I understood a lot more the last two days of cramming than expected, which made the fail even more tough.

+ I survived teaching my first double since surgery. It was BODYCOMBAT followed by BODYPUMP and minus the lunge and shoulder tracks it wasn't as tough as I thought coming back. Super glad COMBAT was first though, that format is tough to fake.

+ Le Husband was home all week and it was so nice falling asleep next to him.

+ Father's Day cards went in the mail early and will arrive on time!

+ Successful searched for and found a legit acupuncturist. #thankyouinternetandfriends

+ Blogging mojo seems to have made another appearance here and I finally have some inspiration.

+ Flights for a wedding up in Michigan are finally booked.

+ Another week on Whole30 round 4* is complete.

+ My Tuesday night BODYPUMP class was freaking amazing. Not only did the members work hard and respond well to the release, I also taught one of my best classes in a long time.

+ I'm getting my new Tennessee license today. #sadtoseevago

+ MY CAR IS PAID OFF AS OF WEDNESDAY! YES! YAY! WOOP! MINE!

+ The heart attack I had over registration of my car, not having a title and expired registration proved to unnecessary as all will be well once the title is in my hands. #phew

Beyond happy the weekend is here and looking forward to chilling out at the pool or doing nothing because this week was rough. Four classes down and two to go tomorrow, I got this! Hope you have a fabulous weekend. Happy Father's day to the special men in your life and if you've lost a father special hugs and sparkles sent your way, because I can only imagine how hard this holiday can be for you. < 3

linking up with these ladies: amanda andrea april and katie

June 15, 2017

T O D A Y

is the day. The test. The time. The moment. The measurement. The pinnacle or the valley.

Any kind vibes, prayers, well wishes and extra study moments are appreciated.



June 12, 2017

Weekend Highlights {The one with the HIKE and home stuff}

Morning, friends. Happy Monday to you! I know, Mondays aren't our favorites, but since they come around so often let's try and make it nice. This weekend was mostly about hiking, with a lil home improvement thrown in there for balance.

This weekend we...

... took it easy on Friday evening because tired and big hike the next day.

... woke up later than planned Saturday morning, but sleep was so needed, especially by me.

... packed up and hit the road for 30ish minute drive into the beautiful mountains.

... threw our planning for this hike together at the last minute and kind of drove around until we found something that looked good on the map. NOTE: Not the best idea for the first hike in a year.

... started the jaunt up the trail and enjoyed the gorgeous morning [so cool and sunny] and then came across aggressive bear signs, eek! The sign was in regards to a camp site, not the trail so we decided to go on with our plan.

... originally planned for maybe a six to seven mile hike round trip. Welp, somehow that turned into a twelve plus mile hike round trip because the map wasn't the C L E A R E S T on distances. Thankfully the view at the top made it alllllll worth the ouch in the legs and lungs.




... both decided the descent is a BAZILLION times worse than the ascent. Y'all my body is more sore from walking DOWN the mountain than up, no joke. By the end my feet were yelling at me and my posterior chain was talking as well. 

... had a fabulous time with wonderful weather and truly reignited our hiking bug.

... ate dinner at a delicious lil BBQ joint which had THE BEST COLESLAW in the world. PERIOD!

... headed to the gym after the hike to workout....SIKE! We went to use the foam rollers, hot tub and steam room to loosen up our uber tight lower body. Totally my idea and TOTALLY the best idea because the next day was a lot nicer to us.

... woke up late Sunday, enjoyed a leisurely breakfast then did some home improvements. 

... bought a new fan, new foyer light and new dining room light. Only snapped this baby bad one on the couch but will have more tomorrow/wednesday. I was so exhausted, but proud because I helped but up the fan and first light. 

... studied some more, prepped for the next day and tried to sleep. No dice. UGH!

Annnnd, that's all she, well I, wrote. It was a good mixed weekend, but I'm still feeling the hike and have quite a few classes on the docket for this week. Plus my test, egad. Happy vibes would be so appreciated. Have a wonderful day!

June 9, 2017

Currently Crushing On

Team Teaching Barre: I had such a blast last night teaching barre with my girl. We used 90s old school songs and spent so much time smiling and laughing while teaching. My booty and abs are SORE as all get out today, yowza


Brussel Sprouts: Okay, maybe not crushing, but learning to like and enjoy. Trying to get back on the healthy train [so far successful the past two weeks] and looking for new recipes to try. Crunchy roasted brussel sprouts have become my jam, anyone have some other recipes?


This Quote: No more words needed.
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Lavender Essential Oils: Sleep has been horrible lately so I've been reaching for my magnesium and essential oils. And now, my love affair with lavender has been rekindled. Every night I've been diffusing lavender and our bedroom smells delicious. Still hit or miss on the sleep but I'm much more relaxed.
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Andy Cohen's Then & Now: Anyone else watch this show? I find it super fascinating because I LOVE POP culture. I also love remember back where I was during things and finding out NEW scandals and stories back when I was too young to pay attention. Did you guys know that Madonna apparently ripped off Voguing from an underground movement? I had no idea, thank you ANDY!
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Okay, that's it. Happy Friday!!!!

June 6, 2017

Goodbye...Hello

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Goodbye...

... year anniversary of our move to a new state.

... a house in complete dissary.

... surgery and recovery month.

... eating like a frat boy because I JUST HAD SURGERY.

... the feeling of 'this is all new and different and what is going on'.

... being on workout probation.

... month two of my new job (is it still new after two months).

... return to kickball tournament.

... SPRING!

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Hello...

... first OFFICIAL month of summer.

... Whole30 round four.

... substitute class on substitute classes on substitute classes.

... NASM PERSONAL TRAINING TEST [eeeeeeek]!

... year anniversary teaching fitness in Tennessee.

... finally living in a house that feels like a home.

... pool days at the townhouse.

... lake days with the family.

... warm weather all the time.

June 5, 2017

A No Picture Weekend

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Yes, You heard me. No pictures. Zilch. Nada. Nuttin'

Which is A-OK by me right now. I know posts without lots of pictures don't get read and let's not even talk about comments. Again, A-OK by me today.

This weekend I...

... was exhausted Friday after my first full week back teaching group classes.

... went to the store for healthy food because #WHOLE30 round four.

... wanted to skip out on the 'instructor taping' due to tiredness, but mostly to bad juju.

... talked myself into showing up, worked my @$$ off in SPRINT then came home and vegged out.

... fell asleep quickly at 9:30pm, wahoo.

... woke tired and sore from the week but jumped out of bed for a morning class with my BODYATTACK soul sister.

... took many low options because, SORE.

... showered, changed and met her at a brunch place near my house. Super delicious food and fun atmosphere.

... talked way longer and way louder than we planned, so happy to have someone so awesome as a friend.

... went home and spent the rest of the day on the couch. Yes, it was gorgeous outside, but I was too tired.

... did the happy dance when Le Husband came home. #travelingman

... made a yummy dinner, watched a few shows, went to bed.

... slept in through church, helllllo much needed sleep. Continued to have our first LAZY Sunday in who knows how long. So needed and so appreciated and so enjoyed with Le Husband.

... meal prepped for the next few days, did some chores then tried to get to bed early.

... spent hours laying awake for no reason #rage. Magnesium and lots of water didn't help, wah.

... trying to get after it today, but, have a feeling it's gonna be one of THOOOOSE Mondays.

Hope you had a great weekend, have a great week! :)


June 2, 2017

Friday Funnies

Things have been a bit melancholy and sad around here when I show up, so I thought it would be fun to just a few funnies. Please enjoy a laugh or two on me and know I wish a fabulous wonderful weekend to each of you :)!
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June 1, 2017

What's New With You {The Late Addition}

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Hello! Yes, I'm still here, just a lil late this morning. Honestly, I find myself in the swing of things and them BOOM the week is near then end and I haven't answered emails/comments and I haven't posted anything new. Egad! Even though this is later than normal, here's a new post to read.

Support means the world to me. Seriously, it does. Whether it's family support, friend support, blog land support or just a pat on the head support I crave it like no other. Support is my tribe. Which is wonderful when people show up and support me all the time. This is nothing new, per say, but it's been needed more than normal recently and to have everyone show up has meant the world.

The house is finally coming together. Guys, the house. THE HOUSE! We finally have a living room and the boxes are LE GONE! Our Memorial Day was not a restful or celebrated weekend. Le Husband and I worked ALL WEEKEND long on our house. We put in floor board, we put in tow board, we painted, we sanded, we primed, we painted again, we put things up and took them down, we arranged and rearranged, we bought a TREE {!!!}, we organized and we put our downstairs back together. It is looking good, so good, and I'm so freaking happy to have a carpet and Snoopy.

Fitness is lost F A S T. No surprise there right? Two weeks off for surgery and man do I feel like I'm climbing a mountain again. My abs are gone {wah face emoji}, my pushup count is down and I honestly just feel so slow and out of shape teaching at the moment. I get it, my body is changed and is still recovering from losing an organ however I'm bummed I have to regroup and rebuild.

Whole30 Round four? Y'all, it might be happening. I need to get myself in check food wise because since surgery I've been eating like a frat boy and my body not only looks meh it feels lousy. This isn't about losing weight though, sure I liked being lean, but it sucked not being able to eat food because of my gallbladder issue. Now I can eat the food I missed which is AMAZING for the taste buds, just not so amazing for the rest of my body. Le Husband said he was on board so it might happen.

So that's the quick and dirty of the past month or so. Thanks for reading and showing up!

Linkinguphere

May 25, 2017

Average is my Enemy

++++++This post is brought to you my over active brain. By some self loathing with a side of wallowing. If you're in a happy place, just skip, because I don't want to bring you down. Yet, this post has to happen. These words have to be said and out of my being before I explode. Feel free to X out this post and don't worry about commenting. This is for me and for my sanity!++++++

I HATE being average. When I say hate, I'm talking the Grinch "Hate, hate, hate, double hate, LOATHE ENTIRELY".  Since I can remember I've been "good" not "great". Decent enough soccer player to be an NCAA athlete, but not great enough to do anything significant in the records. Smart enough student for good greats, but not straight A excelling. Fun, active and fit instructor, yet no where near the caliber to train/inspire others. Friend people enjoy getting to be around, but not the first call for an outing or the life of the party everyone wants to be around. Cute in my own way, but nothing show stopping or head turning.

This mediocrity crushes my soul when I realize how little I stand out. Is that egotistical? 100% yes, but I've never been one to say I don't have an ego. I want to be the best or at least in the top three. I've held stock there every so often, in different pieces of life, however it has never truly amounted to what I hoped.

Kickball this weekend just seemed to expose this frustrating feeling, nagging in the back of my head recently. In the past, no matter how hard I tried, practiced and spent time scheming, I was never in the top talk. I was in the GOOD players bracket, but not the great. It was frustrating, but I was in the top group on my team so that gave me some solace.

Flash forward to this past weekend, with my new team. I knew going in my playing time would be limited because the team was stacked with incredibly talented women, who also have been with the team for years. I was ONLY added on because they wanted Le Husband on the team. Which, in itself is a bit of a blow to the ego, but has kind of been the way of life since the beginning of our kickball coupledom. I honestly was just excited to be on the team, be back in the kickball realm and thrilled to be a part of a team that could win it all again.

We won on Saturday which was awesome. So, so, so awesome to win with new friends and Le Husband. But, it also was really hard because I honestly felt so insignificant in the scheme of the team. Not sure why I thought it would be easy for me to sit on the sidelines when I agreed to play since I'm so competitive. Hindsight I know it's because I wanted to play one more year and because Le Husband was doing it and I hate being left out of anything. So, while I enjoyed being there, winning with him and the team it was so much harder than anticipated.

Compounding this 'average' feeling is the fact my husband is a superstar freak of nature athlete. This isn't meant as a statement about any other husband/boyfriend out there, this is just plain fact. He is good at every athletic sport he plays and quickly becomes the team superstar almost every time. People love him because he is good, reliable and gets the job done in a quiet unassuming way 99.9% of the time [he's lost it a few times, but those are rare]. Away from the kickball field we both have our fortes and niches, however, every tournament I'm reminded how INCREDIBLE he is and how average I am. And yes, you're reading this paragraph correctly. I am jealous of my husband and YES I realize how stupid that sounds. Understand I'm 90% proud 10% jealous. Seeing him succeed makes me so happy and proud, I just sometimes wish I could be the one being awesome.

So now, what do I do? Stop playing so the evil green monster can't come out? Admit to myself average is what I am in the grand scheme of things? Truthfully, I'm not sure what I want to do right now. Sunday, after an even more deflating women's tournament I was *THIS* close to just quitting and walking away. I can't be bad at something I no longer participate in right? Then I thought more about it and how hard it was to get the starts to align so being on this team could happen so I'm keeping my mouth shut around people.

Please understand I recognize how lucky I am in life. I truly, truly, do. Babyspice pointed out that being good/decent in the things listed above is something many people will never know, which I understand and appreciate. Yet, there is little solace to me right now, because average is my enemy. Part of me thinks I need to refocus on WHAT I want and why I want it so I can find a plan of action for greatness. #notimeforaverage.


May 24, 2017

Mistakes: How We Hate Them

Mistakes.

We all make them and we all have to live with them. Sometimes they are mundane, with a quick fix, others are harder to undo and can bring serious repercussions. M i S t A k e S happen all the time.

Yet, we hate them. We stress about them. We over analyze them. Mistakes keep us up at night because we wish we could undo them or we wonder how to fix them. 'Oops' and 'Oh nos' can clutter our brain, heart and soul if we let them. How often do we beat ourselves up over mistakes? Big and small mistakes steal us of brain power as we look back and ponder.

I experienced the uncomfortable rush of worry when I made a few mistakes at work last week. One wasn't too bad, but one was a pretty big deal and when I realized what happened [after hours of sleuthing] I felt the horrible pit in my stomach grow into a knot. My mistake affected business. This was not something done by rushing, not paying attention or anything else on my part, it was J U S T a mistake. A misunderstanding. Yet, there were still consequence for my actions, which brought the knot.

My boss was out of the office for a bit, so I had to sit and wait. And worry. And overthink. About HOW I would tell him. How I would explain the situation. How I would cop to making the mistake without excuse, just an explanation. Those 45 minutes were excruciating because all I could do was stress, stress and stress some more. Because, that's just what I do.

I replay mistakes in teaching classes over and over, wondering why and how I got everything so wrong. It's JUST group fitness, Pinky, let it go and breathe. Ha, yeah right. I want to be perfect teaching, and one blip on one track somehow creates a HORRIBLE class. Which doesn't really make sense, right?

What can we do to change this? How do we let [small] mistakes happen without freaking out? Words and thoughts can be just as powerful as actions, so how do we stop the self loathing? With our brain. With our thoughts,. WE take control and we recognize the mistake, we breathe, we regroup and we move on. WE acknowledge the hurt, discomfort and maybe tears, and then we bring action. We take the power to control our mood. We arrive at a new destination where self deprecation isn't allowed.

How does my work story end? My boss was incredibly understanding, forgiving and made no fuss what so ever. His biggest concern was what I learned and how I would work on things gong forward. See, all that stress for nothing.

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May 22, 2017

If I'm Being Honest

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If I'm being honest//

// I'd tell you how much I hate this stage of DIY renovation. My teeth are on edge often when I'm home because it's in such a state of chaos. I know and understand it will all be worth it in the end but right now, I'M SO SICK OF IT I COULD SCREAM!

// Money has been keeping me up at night. Can't I just win the lottery already?

// My PT exam is coming up and I am 100% not ready for it, due to my own stupidity. I've failed to study when I should and so now begins the cramming process until June.

// The past two weeks off of teaching have been much more of a dream than expected. Don't get me wrong, I miss my music, my classes and participants desperately, but not having to rush to teach and then get home late has been quite a lovely change of pace.

// All of my 'eating all the things' has me feeling very large, bloated and fat. I've been very indulgent and while I'm happy to have my life back my body is not quite as jubilant as my tastebuds.

// Waking up every four hours is really starting to wear on me, especially after a busy long weekend. How I wish my body would learn to sleep quickly and stay asleep all night.

// I'm quite anxious to get back into the sweaty session swing of things. I need to move and start getting back on track workout wise. Mornings are going to be very early soon now with morning workouts making a return.

// The state of this blog has me debating whether to try and resurrect it or let it slowly fade out.

// Teaching my first BARRE class this week in six months has me more nervous than expected.

// My slow recovering from gallbladder surgery pissed me off and no one understanding my attitude annoyed me as well. I completely understand my body lost an organ and there were incisions made in my body, totally get it. BUT, EVERYONE else said it was nothing. EVERYONE else said they were up and moving the next day easily. EVERYONE else said it was such an easy surgery and I'd feel right as rain afterwards. I don't like being bad at anything, ever.

// Hearing the PA on Wednesday explain my tight abs might have made it harder to recover made my week. I'm not trying to brag about my health over anyone, but to FINALLY understand WHY it hurt so much makes me happy. So, yeah, I'll take it!

May 19, 2017

Friday Letters

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Many, many blog years ago, there was a fun link up called "Friday Letters". It was one of my favorites and something I'm thinking about bringing back. Would anyone like to join for a Friday Letter linkup?

Dear Friday: Thank you for getting here, I'm so excited to see your face. Dear airplane: Please be nice to me this weekend. Dear body: I'm counting on you to perform, we're two weeks out from surgery, step up the game. Dear kickball family: Excited to see everyone. Dear kickball team: Let's win this one, aye? Dear Le Husband: I've missed you this week. Cheers to a weekend away together playing kickball. Dear warm weather: I'm so glad we are in the warmer months of the year. WELCOME, heat! Dear beautiful blog friends: Thank you for reading and still being here. Y'all are so sweet and your comments on Wednesday's post mean more than you know. Have a wonderful weekend! xx 

May 17, 2017

Coffee Date

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Guys, it's been more than a YEAR since our last coffee date. Crikey! Time to fix, don't you think?

If we were having coffee...

The first thing I would do is hug you, because it's been so long. I'm a hugger, through and through and friends get hugged at least twice a meeting #sorrynotsorry. If you really don't like hugs, I'll give you at least a high five, that's just how I roll.

If we were having coffee...

We'd probably muddle through the weather [gorgeous here in Tennessee right now] and I'd probably next ask about your current job. Do you like it? Is it worth it? Is it new or something you've had going on for awhile? I'd ask you first, because the J O B question is quite a loaded one for me and I'd hate to monopolize the conversation. Right now, my current job, is 100% less stressful than my previous managers position, but I honestly still am not happy. I'm back in an administrative job and one that can be quite boring. But, the money is more [not much, but still] and I get to lock away the day when I lock up the door each evening. The best part is the fact I'm done with work at 3:00pm on Fridays, woooohooo.

If we were having coffee...

I couldn't mention work without talking about my second job, being a fitness instructor. Ah, the light of my working life. At the moment I am certified in four LES MILLS classes, plus a BARRE ABOVE class and my workload is four classes a week. Teaching classes weekly is my happy place and right now being 'out of commission' is quite hard.

If we were having coffee...

Which brings me to my recent surgery. As we're 'chatting' I would realize it's been almost two weeks since my gallbladder surgery, something I find quite astonishing. After so many years [yes, years] of off and on pain, plus the last year of dreadfully horrible pains I'm finally free. Honestly, I'd probably take a sip of my FULL FAT latte after that sentence, since I'd been surviving on skim milk for all dairy the past six months. Today I'm actually seeing the doctor for a post op appointment and hoping for a good report. My recovery was much tougher than expected and it will be nice to find out why and if I'm technically cleared to start teaching again.

If we were having coffee...

The next topic would probably be family and vacation plans. My family is doing pretty well, I just don't see them nearly enough anymore. Sportyspice being in Arizona is still so far away, but she and her husband are doing well. She's almost done with school and then will start teaching swim lessons for the summer. We are still waiting to hear back regarding the interview Babyspice had last week. I'm so hopeful and praying reverently because I know this is something she desperately wants. I'd probably ask you for prayers or good vibes for her. Mama and Daddy are doing quite well, going about life with substitute teaching [Mama] and being a leader at an Army college [Daddy]. Summertime makes me miss them so, as there were always fun get togethers at the pool on weekends.

If we were having coffee...

It would be about time to start wrapping things up as we both would be moving on to the next thing. I'd say 'Let's do it again soon' and hopefully you would agree. Before you left, I'd of course give you a big hug and send you of with a 'love you'. Because, you know, that's how I roll < 3

May 15, 2017

C U R R E N T L Y


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reading - a little bit of this and that it seems. random romantic novels, history novels, my NASM textbook and getting back into daily reading blogs. any good book recommendations?

anticipating - my first travel kickball tournament of the year. excited and nervous for the weekend.

buying - nothing really. trying really hard to stay on a budget, because you know, new house and surgery. oh wait, i had to buy a new phone because my old phone died suddenly then came back to life. #freakout

praying - babyspice gets the job she interviewed for, earlier this week. #yougotitsissy

listening - to my favorite murder podcast and NEW RELEASE music for LES MILLS! #stareyes

watching - reruns of downtown abbey, LES MILLS videos and elementary.

devouring - all the fatty foods because I FINALLY CAN EAT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN! 

loving - the beautiful warm weather, sunny skies and beautiful scenery down here in Tennessee.

hating - feeling so sluggish and slow from being on workout restriction.

wanting - a good report from my post operation appointment today. #fingerscrossed

hoping - my body will snap back into action once I'm cleared to teach. need to get moving and back in shape. eating all the foods has decimated the work of the past few months. low fat diets work.

feeling - ever so grateful for support. my fitness friends stepped up when I needed classes covered, checked up on me after surgery, visited me when I was recovering and are there for me when I need to vent about not being able to workout. I'm also grateful for my family, my mother especially because she came down to play nurse, my husband who helped me on the day of surgery and the rest who texted and called to keep my spirits up the first day. grateful beyond belief.

wishing - i knew where life was heading. i have ideas, plans and obstacles to overcome. it's hard waiting.

May 8, 2017

Alive and Recovery

Hello, sweet friends, hello. I am alive, well and recovering from my gallbladder surgery on Thursday. Thank you so much for all the prayers, kind words on last week's post, well wishes and good vibes.

Surgery day went smoothly, my gallbladder was more inflamed than expected so surgery was a bit longer than originally thought, but the surgeon did an incredible job. I have four scars on my belly now and the belly button incision is the one causing the most pain, if you will.

Honestly, my recovering is going slower than I would like [imagine that] and I've been in a bit more pain than I expected. Other people have stated how EASY this surgery was for them so I expected it to be even easier for me. Well, wouldn't you know that hasn't been the case? Friday and Saturday I was extremely slow, tired and needed help standing and sitting. I went for a pedicure and lunch with my Mama and aunt, which was a blast, but I was wiped out when it was all over and done.

Lots of laying on the couch resting, not a lot of getting things done. Which I'm learning to be okay with right now. I mean, I lost an organ. OF MY BODY! It is gone! No longer functioning, so now my body is healing and learning how to function without it. Trying to do too much is not going to help me heal faster and I need to not worry about how other people have recovered. My story, my journey.

I'm hoping to get back to the gym in the next few days. FOR EASY workouts, don't worry. Walking the treadmill or moving slowly on the elliptical. No lifting until next week for sure.

Again, thank you for the support. I was unbealievely scared about going under anesthesia and worried about having surgery away from my squad back home. But, God provided support with y'all, with Facebook, with Instagram and with friends who have become family down here. Friends who checked in on me constantly and friends who visited. I am a blessed woman and thankful, so unbelievably thankful.

I wish you the best week, loves <3 

May 3, 2017

I'm Scared...And That's Okay

Tomorrow is the big day. S  U  R  G  E  R  Y. That scary, ugly word. It's finally happening, kids.

And I'm so scared.

And that's okay.

I'm scared about being put under anesthesia. I know I'm healthy and strong, basically a best case scenarios but I'm still scared. Things can happen. Crazy things. Horrible things. Doctors aren't perfect. Things can go wrong. Who knows. So, yeah, I'm scared and that's okay.

I'm scared about how I'll feel afterwards. From everyone I know I've heard surgery is easy peasy lemon squeezy after dealing with attacks [the worst], so I'm hopeful. But, I'm also cautious. Sometimes I seem to be the one who has the worst reaction. And I hate feeling off, my body goes crazy when things aren't copacetic. I'm beyond grateful my mother will be in town to help me out, but being helpless is so not fun.

I'm scared about my recovery. The doctor said I could jump on the elliptical the next day if I wanted but I had to take two weeks off from teaching. I'm worried I'll lose tone. I'm worried I'll lose my shape and momentum. I'm scared my conditioning will tank. I'm scared this surgery will create something I'll have to overcome that I didn't have to deal with beforehand.

I'm scared about my diet afterwards. Will I be able to eat fats? Will my body be back to breaking down foods normally? Will I eat all the things? Will I get sick? Will I have to completely retrain my brain with food?

Basically I'm scared because I'm not in control. And that's okay. Surgery, any kind, is major and fear is okay. I believe everything will go well and I believe it will be fine, but I'm still scared. So, if you can, please say a could of prayers or kind words for me tomorrow. xx

May 2, 2017

Ten Things I Suck At

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Math. I hate it. It hates me. Perfect relationship. Calculators are my best friends.

Holding the snark when someone wrongs me. The B comes out and she's a nasty one.

Drinking alcohol. Used be AWESOME and could keep up with most. Now, two drinks and I'm toast.

Saying the word brewery. Can't do it unless I say it super slow.

Letting go. One day it will happen. One day.

Saying no. Somehow it often turns into the word yes.

Keeping still when music is playing. I can't stop the feet, I must move to the beat.

Sleeping. Takes me awhile to fall asleep and I constantly wake up during the night. Woof.

Not being the best athletically. I hate when someone is better than me at anything athletic, minus professional athletes. I want to be the best, always.

Granting patience to those closest to me. Too often they receive the least amount of my patience which is wrong on so many different levels. Truly trying to change this about myself.

Borrowed from *here*

April 26, 2017

What I'm Up To {April}

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What We're Eating... random, random, random. Lots of lean protein, lots of gnocchi [because easy], lots of homemade tortilla/pita chips, lots of protein shakes.

What I'm reminiscing about... Europe. Sweet, beautiful Europe. This day last year we were traveling around Italy in Cinque Terre and my soul gets so sad remembering how beautiful of a life we had for a month. I still haven't fully recapped [I WILL, one day] and I so miss the carefree attitude we walked around with and I miss the glorious views and the delicious food. I made Le Husband promise we would go back someday.

What I'm Loving... not living for my phone. I've only been at my new job for three weeks, but not having to worry about my phone ringing all the time is the biggest blessing. Beyond thankful for the new job.

What We've Been Up To... where to start. Le Husband is now working back at his old job and doing a lot of traveling. I'm teaching four classes a week on top of my new job and starting to add 6am workouts to my fitness regimen. Now that I no longer live at the gym {PTL} mornings are the only times free for me to get MY workouts done. It's been tough, but it's what I have to do to stay in shape and get better for my class participants.

What I'm Dreading... surgery. UGH!

What I'm Working On... my PT certification. Oops, let this one fall waaaaaay off the radar and have to take the test next month. Holy frijoles, need to get my act together quick.

What I'm Excited About... being about to eat FATTY foods. I've been eating EXTREMELY lean because fatty foods cause me to have a gallbladder attack. Great for my body composition, but I miss cheese, half/half, olive oil, yogurt, burgers, avocados cheese, ice cream and did I mention cheese?

What I'm Watching/Reading... not much on television, I don't have time. I'm mostly watching videos for Les Mills releases and reading my notes. I need to get better about a devotional at the end of the day.

What I'm Listening To... BODYPUMP, BODYATTACK, BODYCOMBAT, BARRE and SPRINT music.

What I'm Wearing... REAL CLOTHES! So exciting after living in black pants and a black polo the past six months. Bringing out the leggings, long shirts, jeans and cute tops. Oh and of course, all the Reebok workout clothes.

What I'm Doing This Weekend... more house stuff. We will be traveling a lot in the summer so lots and lots to get done in the townhouse while we have the time. Oh and I think we have a kickball tournament?

What I'm Looking Forward to Next Month... seeing my mama, even if it is for surgery. Traveling for kickball and seeing friends. Memorial weekend and the opening of our HOA POOL! Yes, we have a pool.

What Else Is New... gosh, seems like so much is new still.

Sorry for the lack of pictures, I know it's not as fun. But, I'm just getting back into my blog groove so posting three days in a row is big time, haha. Thanks for reading!

linking up here

April 25, 2017

When the Bad Self Takes Over the Brain

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"You're not good enough."

"Gosh, when did you get so soft?"

"Everyone else is enjoying life more than you are."

"Why do bad things always happen to me?"

"Her? Yeah, that girl. She's better than you and has everything now."

"Sweet chicken pox facial scars and forehead wrinkle lines. #ugly"

"They're laughing at your picture online."

"You're in this mess because you messed with safety."

"Kiss the easy life goodbye, honey. You chose this, you now live it."

"Those dreams? Yeah, never gonna happen, so stop wasting your time."

All those nasty thoughts you struggle with secretly. All the bad things that go through your head. Don't worry, you're not the only one dealing with them. I constantly battle the bad self. The bad thoughts and more often then not, I battle them away. They get pushed into a box after I count my blessings and remember each day is a gift. Usually I find the good and can move on with a smile.

But.

But, sometimes.

Sometimes the bad self takes over the brain and won't be ignored. Sometimes, I fall down the rabbit hole of self doubt, fear and pity. Sometimes my bright world turns grey as I list all the things wrong with me, my body, my life, my decisions and my world. I find hundreds upon thousands of things I can't change and wallow in the quiet space inside my brain.

My smile dims. My laugh quiets. My motivation dries up like the desert. "Live here" repeats over and over again. An anthem to give up, to recognize the insignificance of myself in such a vast, exotic world. "Nothing". Just, "nothing."

Thoughts and words are powerful. They can shape our existence and our well being. Thankfully, my time with the 'bad self' usually is limited to a few days. Someone, some song, or something usually pulls the clouds away and I revive myself in the sunshine pouring down onto my soul. Tears often richen the soil of my heart and I emerge with goals anew, visions a plenty and an even more grateful heart. Life is a blessing.

Until next time, melancholy. - xx

April 24, 2017

Confession Monday

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I confess . . .

... Today is a struggle after a wedding weekend. I was actually good and didn't stay up too late, it was just a traveling weekend and we hit some traffic on the way home. Sunday was lazier than planned but the naps were needed. Heck. I need one now.

... I hate answering the phone. It's been a part of my last job and current one, but man do I hate it.

... People being ungrateful makes me mad and sad. Complaining constantly just isn't a good look.

... This job seemed like it would lend more time to blogging, but so far, not so much. Will be working on it though, because I have the time just learning about the set up.

... Friday I taped for a new certification and I still haven't uploaded it. That's three days it could have been assessed but our traveling and the stupid incompatibility with my MAC has me behind. Again.

... I haven't been listening to my body like I should. I know when it feels the best and what I need to eat to make it look the best but I've been lazy. And now I'm paying for it. I hate being bloated.

... Even though I'm normally as scardy cat, I am beyond ready for my gallbladder surgery. It happens next month and I cannot wait to get my life back. Send up prayers for me?

... Le Husband's traveling schedule has helped us recenter and get back to the couple we used to be together. I have a post sitting in drafts [not sure if it will ever see the light of day] about how hard it is to struggle with your spouse and life. We still have a lot to work on, but things are slowly getting back to normal.

... I miss Europe!

April 14, 2017

{Just} Another Trip Around the Sun

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Or, the biggest trip yet. Hard to believe friends, hard to believe. Even so, here we are again. My birthday. [Well, tomorrow is the actual day, but I rarely post on Saturdays, so today. We talk today.] The start of a new year, a blank slate. Staring 34 in the face with fear, trepidation, excitement, thankfulness, joy, humility and hope.

364 days ago, Le Husband and I started our great European adventure [which I STILL haven't finished putting here, le sigh]. We toured Europe for a month and then came home and changed states. The past year has flown by it seems, just whoosh.

There have been moments when days felt like years and minutes couldn't pass by quick enough. Days, even on the lake, dragged as we couldn't find a job or our footing in this new space. Our plan was to live with family for a month, maybe two tops. Somehow two turned into six and suddenly we were celebrating the holidays not in a place of our own.

Jobs. Oh, jobs. Ones I applied for back in the summer are still posted on Linkedin. Yeah, those easy jobs I thought I could float into, yep, never happened. Instead, Le Husband worked commissions only for a new company and I took a job I knew I would hate from day one. But, it was the only thing out there and we needed to start making money.

The tears. The frustrations. The feelings of failure. They were all felt during 33. Two of my favorite number, but quite possibly the hardest year of my entire life. Thirty three has challenged me more than any year. Thirty three pushed me beyond my expectations and outside of my comfort zone. Honestly, I don't know where my 'comfort zone' is anymore because everything seems to be uncomfortable.

33 was hard. Beyond hard. Life changing hard. 33  was also incredible. 33 was adventure. Taking a chance. 33 was finally putting words to action and leaping into the unknown. 33 was finding my what and now my why. 33 was falling in love with group fitness and decided to chart a new course. 33 was fresh air and catching my breath all in one.

34 starts as a home owner. 34 is living in a new state and not having a family birthday dinner. 34 is putting the birthdayaholic aside for life and others. 34 is beast mode. 34 is looking inside my heart and declaring what I want for my future. 34 is close to the best shape I've ever been in since college. 34 is lonely at times, still. 34 is learning who I want to be and rebuilding my tribe. 34 is new, fresh, unsoiled, full of possibilities and rife with new challenges. 34 is redemption. 34 is the year of unstoppable.

April 3, 2017

A New Life Begins Today

[source]

Today...

... I woke up earlier than normal with butterflies in my stomach.

... I put on regular clothes instead of black jeans and a black polo.

... I spent more time than normal on my hair and makeup.

... I turned off two exits before my old job.

... I packed a gym bag to work out AFTER work.

... I will be learning a whole new routine.

... I will join a new team.

... I feel as though my life is back in my own hands.

... I start my new fitness instructor routine with FOUR classes a week.

... I begin again.

Wish me luck and have a FABULOUS MONDAY, peaches.

March 29, 2017

An Attitude Adjustment


Monday night I had a moment. A very big moment. It turned into a big #transformationtuesday moment. If you follow me on insta you've already seen what I'm talking about, but for my records here it is again. 

The picture you see above is me last summer/fall. Pretty sweet right? I've worked forever to get abs and boom they finally showed up. I was the leanest I've ever been and back at my wedding weight, which is where I've T R I E D to get many times, to no avail. And finally, HERE I WAS, goal weight and abs showing. 

But, at what cost? I was teaching probably 7 of the same classes a week, plus certifying another format, all while looking for a full time job. The girl up there...wasn't sleeping. The girl up there...was barely eating because there was no appetite due to stress. The girl up there...lost EIGHT pounds in a month due to a death in the family and life. The girl up there... was living in someone else's home trying desperately to figure out where life was going to turn next. 

Monday I taught a BODYATTACK class and as I looked in the mirror I immediately went yuck. My arms...not as toned. My legs...big. My booty...strong but not lifted enough. My stomach...soft, soft soft. It was disheartening when I realized how far I had 'let myself go'. I had a down in the dumps moment, then rocked the stage as best I could for my members. 

After class I got to thinking. This 'softer' body still functions like the leaner one. I can still rock two classes a day. I can still tuck jump, pushup, pull up, squat and run with a smile while teaching. This softer body is due to stability. To an actual INCOME where eating cheat meals can happen without freaking out. Where small little victories equal a trip to froyo to celebrate. Where I'm actually HUNGRY and want to eat food. Where pop tarts with coworkers become a fun bonding moment. This softer body isn't a BAD thing. Is it where I want to be ideally? NO! But, I can make the right choices and get where I want SAFELY and the right way. 

Longwinded post, and possibly boring for most, but hey, that's cool. I just wanted to pop in and say YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Take today as a moment to reflect on how incredible your body is RIGHT NOW, because it REALLY is an incredible machine. < 3



March 22, 2017

Right Now {How Is It Almost April?}

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Un-freaking-beliavable right? I'm in awe April is RIGHT around the corner and super excited spring to O F F I C I A L L Y has arrived. Can I get a warm weather AMEN? A M E N!

As I write this I realize it has almost been 365 days since Le Husband and I left our jobs and moved. A week from today we bought our storage unit and started packing up our stuff. Our way too much stuff. Our life all of a sudden fit in a storage unit and my parent's house. BUT, that is post for a different day.

Right now. . . I'm looking at the calendar and realizing I have less than TWO WEEKS at my gym job. LESS THAN TWO WEEKS of being an operations manager and less than two weeks of living a hellacious six months. I always try to keep the job of the blog, so I won't SAY much else here [you've read enough], but if you want to really know about my life hit me up in the comments.

Right now. . . We are in the middle of looking for my replacement and I have high goals for some of the candidates. Some good internal candidates who will make the transition much easier, which is a very good thing. I think I've made some good changes and there is a good operational flow to the group.

Right now. . . Word has gotten out that I am leaving and I have sooooo many people asking why and saying they will miss me. Super awesome for the ego, but super tough when I don't want to truly say why I'm leaving. Yes, money is the BIG reason, I'm leaving for a better paying job. However, that is not all. I am also leaving for a better state of mind and more peace in my life, yet I don't feel comfortable sharing that with people. Partially I see it as a failure. Partially I see it as being ungrateful. And partially it's not of their damn business. Eeeep, well that sounds harsh for those who will miss me.

Right now. . . Hearing people will miss me means a lot. Because I've only been here six months. Because I've been a basket case most of those months. Because I've so often felt like I was failing everyone. Because that means I did what I was here to do and that my changes worked. Because knowing you've touched someone's life after so short a time means so much to a people pleaser.

Right now. . . Le Husband and I are knee deep in housing renovations, but we are also slowly getting back to our together life. Meaning, our traveling life and our eating life and our working out life. It's been such a struggle without a routine and with my job being so demanding outside of working hours. We could NEVER truly find time to get away, without me being worried about something at the gym. Now, we can plan. Now we can say YES to weddings and family trips and just taking a weekend away visiting friends. I cannot wait for the freedom.

Right now. . . I'm trying SO HARD not to buy all the cute clothes. My wardrobe has only consisted of black pants, black polo and tennis shoes. Great for the budget but no fun at all to wear. I've actually ruined two pairs of black pants which really pisses me off. Now, I just want to spend the money on cute trends. Now I want to go crazy at the outlets. Now I want to go crazy online shopping. I won't go crazy, but I plan to buy two new fun pieces...any thoughts?

Right now. . . I am swimming in Les Mills new release choreography. First Launch in Tennessee I had one release, BODYPUMP. Second, I had three, BODYPUMP, BODYATTACK, & Barre. This time I have four, BODYPUMP, BODYATTACK, BODYCOMBAT and Barre. Which means lots and lots of new choreography to learn in just a few weeks. I have a better handle on it all this round than last time and have already made some great progress.

Right now. . . I am slated to start teaching FOUR classes a week, WOOHOO! So excited to teach at multiple gyms and have some extra cash flow coming in, even with a raise. I really am excited for the growth I'm going to experience teaching so many classes.

What's going on in your life right now?

March 16, 2017

Messy, Busy & Ever Changing

First, THANK YOU for all your kind wishes and words. Seriously, y'all are the BESTEST! I can't tell you how much it means each of you still read and care, insert smiley face. I miss conversations here and I miss the supportive community. Y'all make me really wanna come back. Here's hoping, right? RIGHT?!

While I'm here, I guess I'll share a bit more about what we've been up to since February. My life has been consumed by work, teaching/practicing Les Mills classes and remodeling our townhouse. Le Husband has gone all Chipper Jones on me and I'm doing my best to jump in when [and where] I can. I HOPE to chronicle in a more DIY post, especially with the popcorn ceiling, but for now I thought it would be fun to share a summary of all the work going down.

We've been... 

Removing popcorn ceilings...






Repainting the faaaaabulous yellow walls...

We went with a dark accent wall and a light grey all around
Completely redoing the fireplace...



Picking out new flooring, new counter tops, master bath tiles and fixtures...




Oh yeah, and spending tons of time online looking for the best deals and decor ideas. We are still bring a whole 'feel' to the house but have decided on a color scheme and theme. Probably not at all on trend, but that's okay. I must say I'm in LOVE with subway tile, chandeliers, copper fixtures, deep hardwoods, clean whites and of course a few pops of colors. The hardest part right now is still living in chaos, but once the floors are done downstairs everything will finally come together and feel more like home. If you have any DIY tips or shopping for decor tips, PLEASE share! I'm all about a bargain and saving some time. Fingers crossed for us this week, we're hoping to lay down the hardwood floors.