If I had to change my blog tag line it would be "what a difference a year makes". Seems every time I come here to write something deep about my life that phrase shows up. Right now, I find myself thinking it over and over, multiple times a day. I'm so grateful to be 365 days away from the end of 2016.
Last year, oh man, what a perfectly awful December. My life was day in day out 'Where Are You Christmas?' on repeat. It was dark. And sad. And lonely. And just gosh darn horrible. Both Le Husband and I were stuck in jobs we couldn't stand and we still hadn't found a place to live. My aunt and uncle gave us NO grief, nor made us feel in the way, but celebrating the holidays in someone else's home is super tough. Our timeline of three months [HAAHAHAHA] had extended to six. I cried multiple nights going to sleep because it wasn't supposed to be THIS WAY.
My job was a month old, yet I found myself drowning daily. Changes in policy, changes in merchandise, changes in memberships, changes in pricing, changing in personal, all happening in a single day frayed my nerves to nothing. My first December weekend I received a call at 0300 because someone didn't show up for their next shift and the buck stopped with me. So I had to drive to the gym to cover the 0300 - 0600 shift. I cried driving out there. I cried sitting in the office. I also vowed to never have the experience again. It was terrible and the weekend was lost. And then my friend was killed in a car accident, bringing a tidal wave of emotions and more darkness.
Our marriage was at it's lowest point last year, too. We were tired of nothing working. Le Husband was tired of his job's drama, while also being tired of me complaining and crying all the time. He's an amazing man, though comforting is not his forte. He also was experiencing what I call 'the man's worth crisis' because we were still in someone else's home. Which made him angry about circumstances and when I didn't want to look at homes online or drive around when I got home from work he'd get so annoyed with me, causing arguments. Christmas cheer was so hard to find, there was a lot of faking. So much time spent pretending to be happy to people while silently feeling like a failure and feeling so incredibly lost.
Then came the house. Then came the new job. Then came more sleep. More joy. More time. Most importantly MORE LIFE!
What's new with us this December? So much goodness. I know longer work a job I can't stand because it makes me cry with unpredictability. Call me a baby, but those six months were some of the toughest, darkest months of my life. My current job is not where I see myself much longer than a year, but it gives me stability. It gives me peace of mind [usually]. I am allowed to walk out the door and not think about work until the next day. I sleep. I take vacation. I am actually bored, YES!
We are in our home. OUR.HOME. Something we'd wanted for years but waited to buy in Virginia. Something so close, yet so unattainable in 2016. Then came the one visit and the moment we knew. This was it, this is our home. Which is decorated for Christmas, making it so cozy. Not everything is done or put away, Le Husband is currently painting our upstairs, but it is livable and lovely. Pictures below are snapshots taken last night. Nothing fancy, just moments. Christmas cheer is everywhere and I'm basking in the glow of our Christmas tree lights and candles.
Just typing OUR Christmas tree has me tearing up a bit. You might call me a bit dramatic or emotional but this month is bringing out all the feels. That's what's new with me. My joy of the season is back. My love of the holidays has returned. I can feel the jolly. I can say without faking "Merry Christmas"! I can read posts on blogs, Facebook and Instagram without feeling hollow inside. We have finally reached A YEAR LATER and it has never felt soooooo good to be on the other side of a year. If you are struggling, I get it. All my love and hugs to you. If you're on the other side with me, I cheers you, we did it.
Thank you so much, friends for supporting me. To each and everyone of you reading, I appreciate you sticking with me and reaching out when it was dark. Your friendships mean more than you know and sometimes just a 'hang in there' got me through the day. So much love and lots of Christmas cheer to you!