SIX MONTHS

Yes, I'm back & she is SIX MONTHS OLD. My peanut, SIX MONTHS!

Good golly, miss Molly, I can't believe it. 

Every parent says it and now I truly believe it, time does fly. Can it really be six months since I updated here? Since I even came to my blog. Not that y'all were holding your breath or anything (I do post a decent amount on instagram). However, I NEVER expected to neglect this space, and community, as much as I did.

I have a post saved in drafts to share one day, and basically it says BIRTH IS HARD. Being a new mom is HARD. Baby is not all rainbows and butterflies. And IT IS OKAY!!!! Gosh, it is so okay.

But, that is for a later date.

Today I just am posting to say hi! To say babygirl is 6 months (as of the 18th). And to say I am trying to be back here. Legit, trying. Thank you if you are reading. < 3

She's Here! She's Here!

Yes, y'all, we have a baby. A GIRL as a matter of fact. YES, GIRL can you believe it?

Sweet babygirl was born on 4/18/19 and is just over three weeks old today. Crazy! If you had told me I wouldn't have blogged about her birth until now I would have laughed. I fully expected to have an announcemnt up the week she was born. 

But...

- then the unexpected c-section happened.

- the brutal week one of recovery happened. 

- the hazing of newborn sleeping/eating happened.

- the very little milk happened. 

- the supplemental tube happened. 

- the tears over formula happened.

- the extra hands of family and friends that let me take naps happened. 

- the unsure of every new thing happened.

- the helping hands left happeneed. 

- the living every day by 2-3 hours at a time happened. 

- the sleeping while the baby sleeps happened. 

- the unexpected four hour car ride to Ohio with a 18 day old happened. 

- the multiple days in hospice and at Le Husband's grandmother's house happened. 

- the staying with family happened. 

- the drive home happened. 

And finally, the first weekend alone with baby happened. We celebrated Mother's Day very low key, beucase this mama couldn't really be far from baby right now. I am still able to breast feed with a supplemental tube and can pump, too. I don't have a lot of milk, which hurts my heart but that's where we are right now. Lil girl is growing and has started to look like a baby, not a newborn. 

If you follow me on Instagram you'll have read my birth story and gotten more of an idea regarding how life with baby started. It was 100% opposite of what I expected and has been tough to mentally deal with, but I'm slowly getting through. I hope to find a rhythm soon and thank you all for your well wishes, prayers and love. 

O'Baby: Maternity Pictures

Hello! Still here and still pregnant. Currently 39 weeks 1 day and feeling every extra ounce and every possible emotion. Excitement. Apprehension. Fear. Impatience. Concern. Loss of control. Thankful. Joyful. Ready to meet our kid. Not ready for life to change. And everything in between. 

Mama B is coming down tomorrow and Sportyspice is heading this way Friday with my niece. Baby is due the day after my birthday [WHICH IS MONDAY, what?!] and I've always thought it would be wonderful to have a baby for my birthday. But, we all know baby knows best so I'm trying to hope and pack my patience at the same time. 

One way I've distracted myself is pouring over our maternity pictures I took when I was 36 weeks. I hadn't planned to take pictures [justifying the money was tough] but the photographer, who is a friend, had an incredible first year package so I said "what the heck?" and just went with it. She was increidble efficient and had a great eye for pictures and allowed Le Husband and I to be ourselves [he hates photos] which was helpful. I knew we didn't need a full hour for our pictures and when she suggested a split session with me doing fitness pictures I was thrilled. Never thought of that [which is so weird] and I'm grateful for her awesome idea. I love the pictures from both sessions and am having a hard time picking WHICH ones to buy. Let me know your favorites!

ALL PHOTOS PROPERTY OF PINKPERSISTENCE AND ADARA EVENTS & PHOTOGRAPHY

What's Up Wednesday

What We're Eating This Week: Ummmm, a bunch of random. Because, pregnancy!!!

What I'm Reminiscing About: Life this time last year. I was heading out to visit Sportyspice after my lil niece was born and getting ready to celebrate my 35th birthday. Life when we found out we were pregnant back in August. Also just reminiscing about all the fun Le Husband and I have had togehter, just the two of us. We will be THREE in just a few short weeks.

What I'm Loving: All the baby movement. Working with Le Husband to get the house ready. Knowing this is my LAST WEEK AT WORK!!!

What We've Been Up To: Trying to get the house ready for baby. The guest room is almost completely cleaned out and we are slowly adding baby stuff daily. Le Husband has been working hard to build the clothes dresser & crib and I'm helping with the painting outside.

What I'm Dreading: Birth happening while Le Husband is away this weekend. Baby isn't due until the middle of April, but you never know right? Le Husband has a big conference and is leaving later this week to be there. My mom is coming into town the same night he leaves so I won't be alone, but the possible logistics make me nervous.

What I'm Working On: My birth playlist, breathing exercises and visualization. I know labor isn't a party so I'm trying to be as prepared as I can. I'm also trying to get small organizational things done around the house.

What I'm Excited About: BOB making his/her appearance and all the family coming into town for the birth.

What I'm Watching/Reading: Catching up our favorite shows right now during dinners and I'm reading birth books during the day and then easy reads at night before I go to bed.

What I'm Listening To: Calming music, pregnancy podcasts, Les Mills music.

What I'm Wearing: Maternity and my husband's clothing.

What I'm Doing This Weekend: Attending my Tennessee baby shower & I'm so excited :)! My friends are so sweet and I'm super happy my mom will be here to meet some of my closest people.

What I Want To Remember {March}

We MADE IT! 36 weeks, aka technically term. Obviously a safe birth can never be promised, but all of my doctors have told me 36 weeks is the GO time where they would feel comfortable with baby making an appearance. So YAY! Hello, 36 weeks :)! 

Things I want to remember:

+ Making it to 36 weeks. Seems silly, but there is still so much unknown about birth and why women deliver early and why there could be complications so I'm thankful to get to the 'safety zone' persay. Baby could come at any time now and it wouldn't be a bad thing. HOLY MOLY!

+ My surprise baby shower with Le Husband's family. He and the rest of his family had me convinced I was helping them pull off a surprise party for his mother, but ha, joke was on me. It was such a sweet lil shower and I felt so loved. We also got our carseat and stroller which had me thrilled!

+ Getting my Mommy Mobile. We did this quite a bit later than expected, but sales people were stupid so whatever. Le Husband found a great deal and drove the car from Ohio last week. Not going to lie, I'll miss the zip of my lil sports car, but this is quite possibly the best reason to get a new car, right?

+ Our mini BABYMOON in Chattanooga last weekend. Since Le Husband drove the car down from Ohio after a work trip, his car was at the Chattanooga airport and obviously we couldn't just leave it there. So, we packed up Friday afternoon, drove my sports car for 15 hours south [YAY SPEEEEED], had a delicious dinner, walked around town and stayed the night in a hotel as our last lil get away. The next morning it was breakfast, easy chill time then drove home to get other things taken care of on Saturday. It wasn't much, definitely nothing compared to what most people do for a BABYMOON, but it was still a sweet perfect trip. Our LAST lil trip just the two of us. 

+ My last full weeks of work. Next week is it, y'all. I'll be working days here and there in April, but nothing I HAVE to do and I honestly can't wait. The past two months have been a lot harder on my body than expected and I'll be so glad to not HAVE to be on my feet for seven to eight hours a day. Maternity leave is ALMOST HERE!

+ All the changes with my body. They aren't fun, but they are necessary. Belly is SOOOOO big. Thighs have gotten bigger. Feet are now really tired and hurt. Not a lot of swelling, but a bit. I've gained 29 pounds and I can feeeeeel it all now, especially in my back. Sitting, standing, laying down, I feel my low back. Scheduling another prenatal massage for April to get some help. I can also see the plumpness in my face, too. All good things for baby, so I'm not complaining, just noticing, ha. 

+ People in my fitness classes cheering me on at every class. Their support is so lovely and I've even heard from a few me still teaching inspires them with their fitness, which is the biggest compliment. I still am so tired it's hard to get to the gym, but when I teach I feel so much better. 

+ How supportive people have been. Family, friends, members, coworkers and complete strangers are all so kind to me. It's like this lil tribe with women and the men who are kind just say the nicest things about how fun it will be once baby is here. I've dealt with a few "wow you're big" comments, but water of the back for me. Knowing I'm a month out has people excited and I'm so lucky. 

We are just a week away from BIRTH MONTH and my BIRTHDAY MONTH, I am so excited :)!

Weekly Wins: End of Feb

Afternoon! I know this post is late on a Friday and many won't read it but I want to document some of my weekly wins. Since I use this as a journal I try to make time for things I want to remember. 

+ I'm still on high after such a wonderful baby shower weekend. Seeing my family and my BOFF for three whole days was so lovely and I was so glad Le Husband was able to be there for the party. It was so fun just enjoying the weekend and I felt beyond loved. 

+ Sportyspice is still in VA and it's so fun seeing all the cute videos of lil bean with grandparents. 

+ I taught a barre class last night and it was so much fun. I didn't just wing it and I believe it showed. It was to a new group of women I'd never taught before so I was a little nervous since I teach different barre than most. After class I had THREE women tell me this was their FAVORITE format of barre {including purre barre and barre3} and then requested my teaching schedule. Such a great feeling.

+ I finally bit the bullet and bought a support band for my bump and am SO glad I did. It is making quite a difference in support and I'm hoping it will help me from feeling so sore the next day. Trust me, I'm still cleared to workout and everything is fine, this is just a bit of support for the bottom of the belly. I have quite a schedule in March and am beyond thankful I chose to purchase something because I KNOW I'll use it even after baby.

+ Spring is right around the corner. I cannot wait until the sun shines warmer. 

+ WE ARE IN THE LAST FULL MONTH OF PREGNANCY!!! BOB will be here in less than two months, oh em GOOOOOODNESS! I am excited, nervous, ready, not ready and just WHELMED ;)! Cheers to MARCH!

Welcome Peanut: My VA Baby Shower

Wow. Just wow. This weekend was the most incredible celebration of love and I wish I could go back and do it all over again. Just to relieve the fun, joy and duh, food. 

Le Husband and I flew back to VA for my baby shower and it was seriously the best weekend ever. My sisters, mom and friends did such and fantastic job with all the little details and I just LOVED the Peanuts theme. 

What made the weekend even better was my BOFF flying in from Texas to attend the shower. I remember being so excited for her shower, 4 YEARS ago for her sweet little E. It was beyond special having here up with me for the weekend and I LOVED how quickly and easily she fit in with my family and my friends. Seriously, newest sister to the clan :)!

We also celebrated my sweet niece's 1 year birthday on Sunday and it was quite a lot of fun. She really enjoyed her smash cake and did so well with so many people in the house. Especially back to back days. It was a full weekend of chilling, dinners, food, girl talk, self care, celebrations and love. I am so blessed and feel so thankful to have so many wonderful people who care so much about me.

Friday Letters: Third Trimester Edition

[source]

Open letters are cathartic. I find writing them here, in a journal, or social media just makes me feel better. Usually I'll write about a bunch of different things, but as my life now is consumed with the third trimester most of my thoughts center around baby.

Dear Stomach: YOU ARE LARGE AND IN CHARGE. I swear you grow an inch a day and I'm constantly hitting you against myself and randomly now against other people, eeeeek! Thank you for keeping BOB safe and thank you for being so incredible as you grow. Now, please just don't give me stretch marks, kay?

Dear Sleep: WHY YOU LEAVE ME?!? LEGIT, you gone. Everyone said third trimester is the toughest for sleep and dude, the first week of the third trimester you disappeared. I'm now waking up every hour, even though I don't have to pee and then the last REM I'm able to sleep for three hours straight which is just TOUGH to feel rested. Will you come back, please?

Dear Fitness: We are approaching that time. The time where exercises I LOVE just aren't the most comfortable. I'll be honest, I haven't worked out as much as I expected and I think that is playing a part in my fitness. Or, my endurance. I've tried to get to the gym on my own, but most of my workouts have consisted of just teaching. ATTACK and COMBAT are taking more of a toll on me than I thought and I'm honestly said when I think of giving up teaching so soon. But, I'm so grateful to still be able to move.

Dear Random People: How bout you keep the opinions to yourself. Don't get me wrong, I find pregnancy a wonderful time where people are super excited when they ask about BOB. I enjoy your excitement when you find out we are going to be surprised about the gender, makes me smile. But, when you launch into your scary birth stories, or tell me I look big enough to pop, or try to tell me to get sleep now, I want to tell you to shut your mouth. Why do people like to say weird things?

Dear Family & Besties: Thank you so much for everything so far. For all the support, the pep talks, the allowing me to cry, the excitment, the offering to throw me a baby shower, the telling me it's okay, the sweet notes and just being there. I haven't been the easiest pregnant woman, and I know that. This has been a lot harder than I ever expected and I'm grateful for people who love me and BOB so much.

Dear Pregnancy: Holy moly, we are in the weekly SINGLE DIGITS! I am baffled, just baffled. In a few short weeks we will be ONE MONTH away from delivery day and eeeegggaaadd. I knew time would fly, even on days when I felt awful, but I cannot believe we are now here. I'm praying this last trimester isn't as awful as people say.

Dear Food: My word are my tastebuds all over the place. Some days all I want is sugar. Other days it's salty and crunchy. Some days I just want to eat all day. Others I barely get enough calories. I feel the extra weight though, especially from many nights of ice cream and cereal before bed. I'm up just over 20 pounds and can't really blame that all on baby :)! I need fresh veggies to be my craving again, I miss that feeling.

Dear BOB: Oh sweet babe, I love you. I love your kicks. Your movements. Your recognition of my voice. I pray for you daily. I dream about your face. I dream about your arrival and I'm so excited to meet you. We want you to keep cooking, but gosh, just wondering WHO YOU ARE is killing me. Keep being healthy and keep growing. I can't wait to hug and kiss you!

Things I Want To Remember {January}

Oh, how I wish I had done a post like this every month. Before pregnancy would have been awesome but I wish I had taken a moment to remember things for each month. Better late than never, right?

+ Passing my glucose test. For some reason I was so nervous I was going to fail because of how drastically my diet change when I got pregnant. Thankfully all is well sugar/insulin wise.

+ Having Le Husband gone for two weeks and being okay. Sounds silly but I was worried hormones would rear their head while he was gone, but nope. I enjoyed the solitude and the quiet naps on the couch.

+ How HARD January is for people in sales. It was a rough rough month and super frustrating. But, I'm thankful for the knowledge of this month and for the lessons I learned.

+ Letting the worry at work go. Even though this month has been hard, my anxiety and stress is pretty minimal. I've learned it will be okay and there will be a path no matter what. I don't have to control everything.

+ My pregnancy pillow. I waited way too long to order the right one an it has made such a difference in the way I sleep. So mad I chose to wait so long. Not smart, Pinky!

+ A mind shift regarding my body and pregnancy. I was shocked to have already gained 20 pounds and it bothered me for a hot second. But then I realized, big and happy is GOOD for baby. So now, I embrace the belly even more.

+ Spending time with Mama B. She came to visit for T-Bone's 93rd birthday and we had some great times together. I'll always remember the quiet Saturday of puzzles, basketball and her being so excited about BOB. She is the sweetest Mimi.

+ Nailing tuck jumps in BODYATTACK. I'm 29 weeks and till rocking them :)!

+ My first time in a bathing suit when showing. Not my favorite look, but swimming felt great.

+ All the baby movements. BOB is a mover and a shaker and I feel so much movement throughout the day, it's so wonderful. Honestly, even when uncomfortable it is so great to just know everything is okay because the baby is moving. I'm so grateful.

End of Second Trimester

Hello! How are y'all this week? Hopefully settling into the new year and January well. I've perused blogs more this month than before, just haven't had as much time to comment as I'd like. But, I'm here and reading and hope you know I so enjoy being here more.

I realized the other day this is the last week of my second trimester. Can I say, WAIT WHAT?! There have honestly been times where weeks seemed so long and then, poof, here I am. On the brink of the third trimester and getting closer and closer to meeting our lil one.

When I was blogging more seriously (2015 or earlier) I expected to be one of those bloggers who did a weekly bump post. More for my records than for readers, but now I realize I've never DONE ONE HERE. Part of that is because, TIME, however I will admit part of me doesn't really want to share as much here for some reason. Maybe I'm just getting older, who knows.

But, I do hope to be able to look back at this blog one day and see a journey, which right now includes pregnancy. So, please indulge me in a quick BUMP UPDATE post.

How far along: 27 weeks

Gender: Not finding out

Weight gain: just under 20 pounds, which honestly seems high to me with 12 more weeks to go.

Movement: TONS, especially when I sit down leaning forward. Baby lets me know it needs more room. Last night BOB had a tap dancing party from 3am - 5am which was something new.

Sleep: Yeah, ish. We bought a mattress topper to help with my back issues [yes I still have back issues from the summer, unbaby related] and it has helped. I FINALLY purchased a pregnancy pillow [super late I know] and can't wait to finally use it. Need it for the expanding belly.

Working Out: Still teaching a few times a week. Can definitely feel the extra weight and my belly now hits the floor in modified pushups. Hoping to teach until due date, but want healthy baby of course.

Work: Not as stressful, although super slow which means stress about money, which is nice. I can't sit for very long before my ribs make me get up and move.

Dr Appointments: I have my glucose test tomorrow, eeek! Hoping for good results and looking forward to talking with the doctor because I have tons of questions about the next trimester.

Nursery: ummmmm, yeah. Le Husband is building the furniture and that's where we are now.

How I'm feeling: Large, large, large. Tired. Nervous for the next step. Wondering where all the extra weight will go. Worried I haven't enough to prepare for birth. Excited about my baby showers. Baffled that BOB will be here in 12 weeks, OH EM GOODNESS.

A Deep Inhale, A New Year, A Fresh Perspective

Inhale.

Exhale. 

Hello, friends. 

Hello, 2019. 

Hello, blog. 

It has been a minute since I've posted here. Not like I was posting a ton before, but I purposefully took a break mid December to just be in the season. To savor it because I had life's needs, wants, have tos and stresses take over. I needed less to think about. I needed more air to breathe. I needed to turn inward instead of looking outward. 

So, I stayed away from blogs. And spent less time on Instagram. 

It was magical and glorious. 

As was my Christmas time with family. Four fantastic days together in VA and all the feels were had. My sweet niece was adorable. My sisters were so fun. Le Husband had a great time and I was able to catch up with a few local friends, too. 

Waking up without worry was wonderful. Having people excited over my growing belly was so fun. Being with those I care about most made my heart so happy. Christmas day was so perfect, good food, family time and naps. Wonderful naps. 

Thankfully I was able to end my December month much better than anticipated so my stress and fear in my job is minimal to none now. Again, another post for another day but I wanted to mark the attitude shift. The mindset change. The ability to just be. 

I am using this month to get reacquainted with who I truly am. Who I used to be and who I need to grow into as I grow a baby. I am stepping back up in the kitchen. I'm planning my workouts more. I putting energy back into my instagram with fitness and working to create more workouts and possibly trial them with people. 

2018 was a lot of stress. A lot of holding my breath and waiting. So much tension. 

I vow not to let that happen again. I vow to remember to breathe through tough times instead of burying my head. Inhale good energy, exhale the bad. I will remember to be more present. 

Savor The Season

Savor. Hold fast. Remember this moment in time, for it is fleeting.

After writing my post last week, I took a step back and marinated in my thoughts. I won't lie, it felt good to get the feelings out of my head and onto (virtual) paper. To express nostalgia for easier times and vent about tough times. Words and thoughts have power and keeping everything inside was taking a toll and I'm so grateful to you for your kind words. They meant so, so, so much.

I am not 100% normal, yet. And until I see final numbers at the end of the month my little worrying part of my brain won't turn off. But, there is MORE peace. There is more JOY. There is more savoring in my life.

Savoring the kicking inside my belly.

Savoring our little townhouse with just the two of us for the last time.

Savoring the lights at night, no matter how late I get home.

Savoring watching Christmas movies together.

Savoring this Advent.

Savoring the hard work and hardship of this season because next year it will be different.

Savoring being 23 weeks and people noticing my belly and sending me well wishes.

Savoring the anticipation of going home for Christmas with my family.

This playlist, especially the first song Light of the World, has brought me much peace and joy throughout this season of life. When it all seems too much I remeber, Love came down at Christmas and the Light of the World was given to us by a gracious God. Through Him, with Him, in Him, life will work and I will be okay. 

So I've Been Thinking

...How is it already the middle of October? I swear I was just looking forward to my Vegas trip at the beginning of the month. Now we are two weeks away from Halloween, wow!

... What if this baby is a girl? Will we make it past 16?

... What if this baby is a boy? How will I deal with the bugs, boogers, farts and boy stuff?

... Why can I not feel settled financially? Sure we aren't making near the money we had in Virginia, but I know so many people have much less than I who have a family and make it work. I need to trust.

... Do we really need to start thinking about daycare already?

... Could we FINALLY have a diagnosis for my back pain? This has been going on every night since June and I'm so hopeful an appointment next week could be the start of some relief.

... Why is this world so scary? Why are people so mean to each other? Why can't people and politicians get along? Why do children get hurt by adults? Why do kids hurt each other? Why are their mean girls and boys?

... When did I become such a worrier? And stressor? People tell me I need to chill but I just can't.

... Will I ever be good at this new job? Will I reach my full potential?

... I wonder when my belly is going to actually pop? I'm ready to look pregnant and not fluffy.

Weekly Wins {Oh Baby & More}

Happy Friday, friends. To you, thought, not me. While today is Friday, I'm working tomorrow and Sunday and won't have a true day off until Weds, but that's okay. I had a good weekend trip last week and now need to make that money honey.

A few wins this week to make me smile through the weekend:

+ Finally sharing our secret news. It has been hard keeping this quiet, especially during all the stressful moments the past twelve weeks. I honestly imagine some of you might have guessed with the lack of silence or posts on Instagram [anyone?]. Thank you for all your kind words and congrats, they truly mean more than you know.


+ I'm finally feeling better and able to teach classes without feeling sick. It has been so nice to actually workout again. Being lazy is fun for a bit but not for weeks on end for this girl.

+ I managed to learn a BODYPUMP release in two days and made it through three classes with very few missed cues. It usually takes me a week or so to learn everything, I'm glad I could pull this off.

+ Everyone at my current gym has been so sweet regarding baby news and very understanding about my leaving. I'm sad to leave such wonderful members, but it's great to know I've made a positive impact on their lives and they want me to come back to open houses when possible.

+ This week marked my last 6am training session....wahooooooooooooooooo!

+ Tomorrow is my BOFF's birthday and I'm wishing her the bestest day!!!!!

Have a great day friends, much love to y'all!

What Is Going On? {Could I Be Pregnant}

Good morning and welcome to the first of a few stream of consciousness posts. If you missed the news, I announced I was pregnant earlier this week. I know I'm not the first woman, nor the last, to be pregnant. But, this is my first journey carrying a child and something I started chronicling at the beginning because I wanted to remember everything. These moments might not mean anything to you, might bore you and I fully support you not reading past this point because this is not your journey. This is my blog and my journey and one day I know I'll be so happy I can look back on my thoughts right at the beginning.

***Please know, this was written in no way to cause heartache to anyone. I understand there are so many women struggling with infertility and my words are not written to diminish your journey or longing. I in no way want to be insensitive to anyone's situation, so please understand anything written here is for me and in no way written with the intent of upsetting someone***

August 11th: Something is off and I can't figure out what is going on right now. I'm pretty stressed about starting my training next week. A new job, something so incredibly different than anything I've done in the past and I'm struggling to keep my nerves in check. I've teared up in fear twice this week which is so crazy. I know I'm an emotional person, but I honestly thought the crying randomly had been in check since I lost my job last year. Hopefully once I start my training everything will calm down and make sense.

August 15th: I'm starting to wonder. I'm late. I'm tried. I'm emotional and I don't think it has to do with just my new training. This is strange. So strange. I'm not hungry. I want a nap and my body feels so weird. Right now I just hope I'm sick or something. I'm so not ready.

August 17th: All I can think about now is I need to take a test, but I don't know when? I want Le Husband to be a part of this. We aren't together right now. He's somewhere else because he came to DC early and I'm with Babyspice. Part of me wants to figure this out so I know what's going and part of me wants to do it with him, together. Do we take a test up here so we can tell family? Is that too early? What should I do?

August 18th: Today sucked. Ok, not true. The last game sucked and I'm pretty miserable about the outcome. We were going to go out, but I just did dinner with my sister, mom & dad. There was a mix up with coordination and I honestly didn't want to hang out with my team. I had a margarita with dinner without a care. I think I'm making myself crazy so I need to talk to Le Husband figure out what we want to do. Wait longer or take a test.

August 19th: I told Le Husband about my suspicions today. At the most inopportune time, but isn't that us? I thought we had time to discuss before people came over to the house for brunch. Nope. I told him and he just looked at me and said "People are coming earlier than planned and will be here in five minutes". Talk about HOLY WHAT!??! Such a big life moment, then quickly on to chatting with friends, family and kids like everything was normal. Which it wasn't. Because something is different, I know it. I cried on the flight home and he slept. I cried because I was leaving family without telling them something. I cried because we are so far away. I cried because I don't want to go to training tomorrow. I cried because I am scared about the next step. We decided not to take a test after we get home from DC. I'm honestly not ready to know. I want one more sleep, which I know sounds stupid, but I'm scared. I'd rather sleep tonight thinking "maybe" instead of " yes or no".

AUGUST 20TH: OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS! POSITIVE! I do NOT know what to think right now. I am completely thrown off kilter. This? Now? THIS MONTH? I cannot believe it, I really can't. We thought we were pregnant in July but we weren't. I was so ready then. So excited. Then it turned out to be a false alarm, which was good because of everything that happened regarding jobs. But now?!?! In the midst of feeling like a loser who might not complete training I find out I'm going to be a mom. Le Husband is going to be a dad and he is so excited. I sadly think I stole some of his joy tonight, because I was so "WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA". But, he was great and allowed me to say everything I was thinking and we went to bed deciding to tell family in the next two days. We.are.having.a.baby.

OH BABY {SURPRISE}

Who knew saying yes to a Vegas kickball tournament in 2010 would bring us to our greatest adventure yet.

O'Baby due April 2019 and we are so very, wonderfully excited.