C U R R E N T L Y

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appreciating all the kindness people have shown me.
researching so many baby products, blogs and groups.
posting very minimally these days. time is getting away from everyday.
cooking protein, finally. and honestly, Le Husband is doing most of the cooking.
planning my schedule for November with Thanksgiving and trips.
wearing jackets and pants. poop. #whereissummerhaha
taking naps when possible and a lot of short exams to get my NASM CEUs.
reading books for fun and books to make me smarter
loving finally being able to really work out and teach again.
praying for a 100% healthy baby. every day and every night.
feeling super doughy and fluffy. waiting for the bump to actually pop not just be a tummy.

So I've Been Thinking

...How is it already the middle of October? I swear I was just looking forward to my Vegas trip at the beginning of the month. Now we are two weeks away from Halloween, wow!

... What if this baby is a girl? Will we make it past 16?

... What if this baby is a boy? How will I deal with the bugs, boogers, farts and boy stuff?

... Why can I not feel settled financially? Sure we aren't making near the money we had in Virginia, but I know so many people have much less than I who have a family and make it work. I need to trust.

... Do we really need to start thinking about daycare already?

... Could we FINALLY have a diagnosis for my back pain? This has been going on every night since June and I'm so hopeful an appointment next week could be the start of some relief.

... Why is this world so scary? Why are people so mean to each other? Why can't people and politicians get along? Why do children get hurt by adults? Why do kids hurt each other? Why are their mean girls and boys?

... When did I become such a worrier? And stressor? People tell me I need to chill but I just can't.

... Will I ever be good at this new job? Will I reach my full potential?

... I wonder when my belly is going to actually pop? I'm ready to look pregnant and not fluffy.

Weekly Wins {Oh Baby & More}

Happy Friday, friends. To you, thought, not me. While today is Friday, I'm working tomorrow and Sunday and won't have a true day off until Weds, but that's okay. I had a good weekend trip last week and now need to make that money honey.

A few wins this week to make me smile through the weekend:

+ Finally sharing our secret news. It has been hard keeping this quiet, especially during all the stressful moments the past twelve weeks. I honestly imagine some of you might have guessed with the lack of silence or posts on Instagram [anyone?]. Thank you for all your kind words and congrats, they truly mean more than you know.


+ I'm finally feeling better and able to teach classes without feeling sick. It has been so nice to actually workout again. Being lazy is fun for a bit but not for weeks on end for this girl.

+ I managed to learn a BODYPUMP release in two days and made it through three classes with very few missed cues. It usually takes me a week or so to learn everything, I'm glad I could pull this off.

+ Everyone at my current gym has been so sweet regarding baby news and very understanding about my leaving. I'm sad to leave such wonderful members, but it's great to know I've made a positive impact on their lives and they want me to come back to open houses when possible.

+ This week marked my last 6am training session....wahooooooooooooooooo!

+ Tomorrow is my BOFF's birthday and I'm wishing her the bestest day!!!!!

Have a great day friends, much love to y'all!

What Is Going On? {Could I Be Pregnant}

Good morning and welcome to the first of a few stream of consciousness posts. If you missed the news, I announced I was pregnant earlier this week. I know I'm not the first woman, nor the last, to be pregnant. But, this is my first journey carrying a child and something I started chronicling at the beginning because I wanted to remember everything. These moments might not mean anything to you, might bore you and I fully support you not reading past this point because this is not your journey. This is my blog and my journey and one day I know I'll be so happy I can look back on my thoughts right at the beginning.

***Please know, this was written in no way to cause heartache to anyone. I understand there are so many women struggling with infertility and my words are not written to diminish your journey or longing. I in no way want to be insensitive to anyone's situation, so please understand anything written here is for me and in no way written with the intent of upsetting someone***

August 11th: Something is off and I can't figure out what is going on right now. I'm pretty stressed about starting my training next week. A new job, something so incredibly different than anything I've done in the past and I'm struggling to keep my nerves in check. I've teared up in fear twice this week which is so crazy. I know I'm an emotional person, but I honestly thought the crying randomly had been in check since I lost my job last year. Hopefully once I start my training everything will calm down and make sense.

August 15th: I'm starting to wonder. I'm late. I'm tried. I'm emotional and I don't think it has to do with just my new training. This is strange. So strange. I'm not hungry. I want a nap and my body feels so weird. Right now I just hope I'm sick or something. I'm so not ready.

August 17th: All I can think about now is I need to take a test, but I don't know when? I want Le Husband to be a part of this. We aren't together right now. He's somewhere else because he came to DC early and I'm with Babyspice. Part of me wants to figure this out so I know what's going and part of me wants to do it with him, together. Do we take a test up here so we can tell family? Is that too early? What should I do?

August 18th: Today sucked. Ok, not true. The last game sucked and I'm pretty miserable about the outcome. We were going to go out, but I just did dinner with my sister, mom & dad. There was a mix up with coordination and I honestly didn't want to hang out with my team. I had a margarita with dinner without a care. I think I'm making myself crazy so I need to talk to Le Husband figure out what we want to do. Wait longer or take a test.

August 19th: I told Le Husband about my suspicions today. At the most inopportune time, but isn't that us? I thought we had time to discuss before people came over to the house for brunch. Nope. I told him and he just looked at me and said "People are coming earlier than planned and will be here in five minutes". Talk about HOLY WHAT!??! Such a big life moment, then quickly on to chatting with friends, family and kids like everything was normal. Which it wasn't. Because something is different, I know it. I cried on the flight home and he slept. I cried because I was leaving family without telling them something. I cried because we are so far away. I cried because I don't want to go to training tomorrow. I cried because I am scared about the next step. We decided not to take a test after we get home from DC. I'm honestly not ready to know. I want one more sleep, which I know sounds stupid, but I'm scared. I'd rather sleep tonight thinking "maybe" instead of " yes or no".

AUGUST 20TH: OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS! POSITIVE! I do NOT know what to think right now. I am completely thrown off kilter. This? Now? THIS MONTH? I cannot believe it, I really can't. We thought we were pregnant in July but we weren't. I was so ready then. So excited. Then it turned out to be a false alarm, which was good because of everything that happened regarding jobs. But now?!?! In the midst of feeling like a loser who might not complete training I find out I'm going to be a mom. Le Husband is going to be a dad and he is so excited. I sadly think I stole some of his joy tonight, because I was so "WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA". But, he was great and allowed me to say everything I was thinking and we went to bed deciding to tell family in the next two days. We.are.having.a.baby.

OH BABY {SURPRISE}

Who knew saying yes to a Vegas kickball tournament in 2010 would bring us to our greatest adventure yet.

O'Baby due April 2019 and we are so very, wonderfully excited. 

FIND YOUR TRIBE

Today I leave you with a quote that really spoke to me. A bestie sent it to me yesterday and I honestly caught my breath. Because it is so very true. In a world where it can be girl against girl, them against us, you against me, it is IMPERATIVE to find your people. Your soul sisters. Your tribe. Your circle.

And if the people you call friends ARENT cheering for you or clapping the loudest, get a new circle.

I've been there and done that. I've reduced my circle by many a self absorbed stefanie and jealous jenny. 

Your circle should lift you up. Wipe your tears. Call you on your BS. Cheer for you the loudest. 

Happy Friday!

Today I Confess

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::: I've been craving cereal like whoa, but trying to be good and not buy 100 boxes.

::: My book game is lacking, it's so bad. Gimme your RECOMMENDATIONS!

::: I turned in my notice to my current gym and now have to tell the members/instructors I'm leaving. I've tried to keep it as kind as possible, despite not agreeing with a TON of management decisions as of late, and I'm nervous I'll give my real opinion to someone.

::: My commenting on blogs has been atrocious, even though I'm reading posts. I need to get back to the flow of actually commenting on your blogs, I miss the interaction.

::: We set goals at work yesterday and they are HUGE for me this month. I'm between the 'YES, I can reach them' & 'Holy crap how am I going to get this done'. I need to commit to doing my best every shift and working more than I want to in order to make it happen.

::: I cannot wait for our trip to Vegas, I'm just nervous about how quick it will be and hope to get enough rest. When I don't get enough rest I get sick and I CANNOT GET SICK. #lame

::: Fall is not my favorite. Yup, I said it. So need some inspo with food. Favorite fall reipies and go!