June 21, 2010

Mondaze, Solo, Motivation

P!nky's thoughts for the day:

I am not a person who likes Mondays. Not that many people do, but I find I really don't like them. I very often come across the Manic Monday or the Murphy's Law Monday and boy, they are NOT FUN! I think my dislike of Mondays stems from the fact my Sundays are usually extremely busy. I have morning church (sometimes after a late night, which is my own fault I know), then family brunch/lunch, a soccer game sometime throughout the afternoon and of course laundry. This past Sunday was extremely busy because I had early Sunday school (and YES after staying up wayyyyyyyy tooooo late Saturday night), church, World Cup games, the pool, an oil change, a soccer game and then a family tennis lesson, plus laundry. PHEW!!!!!!!!! I was super exhausted which thankfully led to a much needed passed out sleep, but I am super tired and bored today at work.

And OF COURSE today would be the first day of Summer...the LONGEST day of the year....BOOOO CARD!


My roommate, P, and I are going on 2 years and I'm feeling the relationship ending.
And it needs too. She and I are
and one of my biggest issues is
Cleanly (I know it's not a word but it works with my ly structure).
I have become OCD about keeping main rooms clean ever since I lived with my OCD bffer. She never had
out of
After living with her, I became accustomed to living a certain way, with a certain standard. Enter P, who does not have the same standard at all. Now, she isn't dirty, at least not in the main rooms. But, she has a habit of leaving things out in the living room and in the kitchen. And in the beginning she wasn't that bad. However lately things have gotten really lax and I am not liking it.
I tried to mention this nicely too her...but no dice. She just felt I was nagging, got defensive and said she does keep things clean. Which,to her credit is probably true to her standards, but not mine.
At my age I think i deserve to know what kind of state my home will be in, and have the right to keep it clean. I think I just need my own space that I can treat however I want.

This poster is how I feel right now.
About Life....about my job...about where I am in life...about dating...basically about everything.
I have all of these dreams and goals,
but right now lack the motivation to do anything about them.
I think some of it stems from FEAR of the unknown,
but also, I am not motivated to get things done.
Usually I am.
Usually I am a go to girl for projects.
But lately not so much.
I need to find the motivation in myself to start getting the jobs done.
Because I don't want to look back on my next 4 years and go....WHAT DID I DO?
Or really, what did I NOT DO!

June 16, 2010

What's P!nky Thinkin'?

A guy I work with loves to be a smartaleck about alot of things.
Most of the time it has to do with how I phrase questions or comments
(I've been known to speak before I think....ooopps, that's why you love me wink wink)
Anyway, yesterday I approached him and said "You know what I was thinking?"
And without batting an eye he says "yes, I often sit here and think,
What's P!nky Thinkin?"

And I thought, hey, that's a fun new way to take my blog. I've been slacking lately
but it's because I always want things to be good and well written and thought out
but sometimes the free flowing
easy goin
ya knowin'
jibber jabber can produce some of the best posts and ideas.
So for the next few blogs I'm just gonna write
What P!nky's Thinkin'

World Cup
like for realzzzzzzz!
This is the best time of year, soccer games galore. And the timing is amazing,
because my work has tvs everywhere. So I get to see all the games all day.
And it is GLORIOUS!
I just really don't like all the haters.
the ignorant people that don't know anything about soccer.
stop complaining about soccer being on tv all the time.
last time I checked it was only on 2 channels....2!
So, change the channel and shut your mouth please.


I'm playing with fire....but I think I like it
Fire burns I know...but that's only if you get too close, but if you just
stand really close
but not too close
it gives you a warmth that you can
all the way to your insides.
The warmth is something that can
be sooooo addicting, that you keep creeping closer
and closer and
closer and then
you're burned. But NOPE!
I'mma keep my distance and just play by the fire. Roast a few smores,
but not too many, just enough to take the edge off.
Basically this means I enjoy kicking it with J, even though I know his ways.
I am testing my 'lack of emotions' feelings
because I am bored
and because he is fun
and good looking
and not looking
for anything serious. Which is perfect for me, cause I right now I am able
to separate
feelings from emotions wink wink.

Life seems to be passing me by
and All I seem to be doing is
and waiting
and watching and
waiting and
I'm dealing with the what ifs and not the nows.
and it has to stop!

June 8, 2010

Who's gonna catch me when I fall?

Have you ever randomly picked up an old CD, popped it in the car and then BOOM you hear that one song that explains everything you have been thinking but haven't been able to put into words? Well, that happened to me earlier this week.

I randomly popped in my Ashlee Simpson CD (please don't judge).
She had some good dance around songs and
some pretty
power ballads.
I was just zipping along, driving down the highway when this track came on.
"Catch me when I fall"
I believe she wrote this song after her failed appearance on SNL,
where she was accused of lip singing.
And there was a HUGE backlash from the radio
her fans
her haters
and basically everyone who saw the clip.

Now, I really haven't had a 'fall on my face in public' moment like her
(which I am SUPER grateful for)
But lately,
since all the drama of the GT break up
I really haven't been in the best of places.
And it's bad,
I mean pretty bad.
I've gotten away from who I am at the core
and have started to look towards social comforts to numb my pain.
This pain of being alone.

But you wouldn't know it from the way I act.
I have been the constant entertainment for my friends the past few weeks
with all of my boy stories
and partying stories
and acting silly crazy stories. I'm putting myself
in some pretty interesting situations, that come out okay
but aren't really the norm for someone like me.
And while everyone is laughing with me and saying how funny I am and
how they want to live vicariously through me
all I can think about is this verse from Ashlee's song:

"It may seem I have everything.
But everything means nothing,
when the ride that you've been on,
that you're coming off
leaves you feeling lost"

Because right now, I think I'm starting to feel lost.
I'm good at hiding my feelings,
'but when the lights are off, somethings killing me'

All I want to do now is shout,
"who will be the one to save me from myself.
who's gonna catch me when I fall?"