August 23, 2017

I Don't Know About You, But I Feel 102

Okay, that's a bit dramatic, Pinky. But friends, I'm feeling hella hella hella old right now. Something has been festering in my brain and I can't shake it. All of a sudden all I can see in the mirror is old.

I'm 34. THIRTY FREAKING FOUR. Next year I will be five years from the big 4-0. I am of the mindset every year is a blessing and every birthday should be celebrated because we all know life is fleeting. Life is temporary no matter what anyone tells you. We are not permanent. So I try to live thankful and grateful and happy.

Key word is try. Every now and then something happens and something festers. Usually I can find the culprit. Usually it is very easy to drill down to find the cause for the effect. But right now, I can't see it. I can't find it. I honestly don't understand it. All I know is I feel old and haggard and so past my prime.

All I see in the mirror now is gray hair I have to die every six weeks. Lines on my forehead that NEVER and I mean NEVER go away. Wrinkle lines around my eye and dark puffy bags underneath. Dull, sun spotted skin which has now decided to break out constantly. Add all of that onto the chicken pox scares on my forehead that seem even more pronounced. Let's not even talk about the more yellow than white teeth because of coffee, tea and wine.

My body seems to be tired more often than not, even with breaks from teaching. Even with BCAAs. Even with extra magnesium. Sleep, what is sleep? Or what is good sleep? I used to think I'd do okay with minimal sleep, but it seems to be part of the reason my body is so blah at the moment.

Most people guess my age to be 10 years younger than the truth. I still get asked if I'm in college, but by fewer and fewer people it seems. Apparently my age is finally starting to show. I've started to consider botox for my face which is something I'd NEVER thought of as an option. NO judgement with others, I just always expected to grow older just the way I am and be fine.

Right now though, fine is the last thing I feel. This age drama is the pits. The worst. And yes, I do know I'm being a bit dramatic, but that's where my head is right now. This is my head space the past ten days. This feeling of being old and drab. Maybe this is the food I'm eating. Maybe this is the solar eclipse. Maybe this is a lost feeling of self. Maybe this is an unsettling moment for another reason entirely. I don't know. All I know is I want to live my truth and be happy. Which might mean a few facials in the future. And maybe a massage. Who knows.

For now, send me all your tips on getting younger looking skin and how I can minimize the bags under my eyes. Oh, and allllllll the makeup tips for mmmmkay?


  1. Girl, I'm right there with you. I don't know when I crossed over from feeling like I looked 16 to feeling like I look 60 but I have definitely hit that point! <3, Pamela Sequins & Sea Breezes

  2. I feel the same way. I bought wine the other day and waited to be carded and it never happened and it made me feel so sad lol. I don't have tons of tips except drinking tons of water and taking all your makeup off every night!

  3. girl i'm a few months from 35 and it sucks. haha. i will prob lose my shit when i turn 40 but lets not get ahead of ourselves! i'm trying to live in the moment, and in the meantime i'm pricing out botox. ain't no shame in a little baby botox! although i haven't pulled the trigger yet. rock 34 girl!

    xoxo cheshire kat

  4. Girlllll, I feel you. Last year is when it really started to hit me that I looked like I was aging. I kind of blame our generation's sun obsession and I get so much anxiety thinking how I could have prevented it as a teenager. You do not look 34 though! Just remember, we look at ourselves under a microscope and in a totally different way than anyone else. And 35 is the new 25 ;)

  5. I think we all start to notice fine lines, a little less energy - all those things we associated at our young ages to old age! I have definitely thought about getting the 11's on my forehead taken care of...but then again it's just being self conscious! I guess what I'm saying is I feel ya girl! xo, Biana-BlovedBoston

  6. ugh yes!!!! I feel the same way, I just can't move the way that I used to and I get fatigued easier. But you're still rocking it lady, you are amazing!

  7. For darkness under your eyes, check out Shape Tape by Tarte. It's AMAZING. I think you look beautiful but I totally get what you're saying! You aren't alone!

  8. alright, here we go.

    1) collagen powder. make such a difference with your skin.

    2) skin products - the simpler your routine is, the better for your skin. the less makeup you wear, the better, too. i use organic skin care and natural oils and serums to keep my skin hydrated and plump.

    3) facials and/or facial acupuncture. facials promote circulation to your face/skin = brings nutrients to your skin = collagen/elastin production. Acu does the same but increases collagen elastin production and you can also use acu to stabilize hormones (which becomes wacky as we age #rude).

    4) dark circles under the eyes - that's a mix of lack of adequate/quality sleep and as we age, hormones. i found that when i started acu hormone stability treatment, my dark circles diminished enough so that i could use concealer to actually cover it up (before, the concealer wouldn't even do much since they were so dark).

    5) you'll have to adjust your sleep schedule so that you wake early and go to bed early. as we age, you'll find that your body responds better to an earlier sleep/wake schedule.

  9. It's been the same for me over the past year or so!! I looked in the mirror one day and was like WTFFF at forehead wrinkles! lol I have tried to get really good at drinking lots of water and taking my makeup off at night and sticking to a good skin care routine :) Oh, and Tarte shape tape is AMAZING ;)

  10. If you feel that way at your age, imagine what I'm going through at 45. IT SUCKSSSSSSSSS.... I honestly avoid mirrors at this point.

  11. First of all you look fabulous! I just turned 34 last week, and woof! I can't believe how close I'm getting to the big 4-0! The grays and facial lines are out of control, but then I think about how blessed I am to have even reached this age as there are those who don't get this far. Each day is definitely a gift! I so needed this today <3
    Green Fashionista

  12. I hate to blast my posts in comment sections but I legit posted about skin care yesterday - check it out if you wish. Ill be 32 saturday and have no wrinkles and smooth skin. My tips?
    1. sleep more
    2. drink tons of water and then drink some more
    3. dont use too many products on your skin - stick to a couple good products
    4. remove your makeup when you're at home - no need to keep that on your skin 24/7
    5. exercise (you have this down) or do some sort of stress relieving activity
    6. keep eating clean
    7. sunscreen to prevent from skin damage.

    Those things genuinely help me. PS you are beautiful. Hugs

  13. Collagen powder. get it from Amazon, put it in your morning coffee on an emoty tummy. Moisture moisture moisture, exfoliate exfoliate, sleep sleep sleep, drink tons of water. That is how I try to stay looking younger than almost 40. When I get complimets on looking younger than I am I always say it is because I have no kids, but really it is those other things. Hang in there. I am feeling old because I felt a huge downgrade in the last 6 months of how hard I can workout and recover. Getting old sucks, but it beats the alternative!

  14. Yep, I feel like I'm in this club too. I'm not even sure if I know what is cool anymore. So old, so lame! ;-)

  15. Girl you do not look 10 years older than you are! Who are those people?! Sorry to hear you're feeling tired and worn out. Do you take B-12? It's really great for a natural energy boost.

  16. I feel you, but for what it's worth, you look YOUNG! Things that have helped me stay not-so-old-looking during this deployment though:

    100 oz of water a day
    ice cubes and cucumbers under my eyes for 15 mins
    8 hours of sleep (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
    only one cup of coffee a day
    B-12 vitamins

    Moral of the story - I feel you!

  17. I think i got to a point last year where I looked at myself and was like I look wrinkly!!! lol. I have the same thing where people think I'm a lot younger than I am, but I feel old most of the time so I know what you mean. You do not look old at all though, seriously I'm always envious of how strong and glowy (is that a weird word? lol) you look in your insta stories!


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