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Life has me adrift as of late. Shocking, right? Now hear me out, I'm past the point of feeling on an edge of a scary precipice. Of fearing the future and desperately pleading for something steady. I have something steady, which eases my fears, yet there is still a longing for a truer sense of belonging.
My job gives me no fulfillment and honestly is a waste of a day. Work is done before lunch, quite often earlier, which leaves hours of nothing. I've found ways to pass the time and am now refocusing my studying efforts for my PT exam, but the unexpected something always looms so I usually do not get fully invested in studying or learning new choreography for classes.
All the down time leads my mind to wonder, ponder and criticize my situation. Try as I might I can't shake the feeling, so I'm taking steps to work with someone on focusing. Small step, but a step none the less. Hopefully it will help this sense of yoyo emotions.
One of the things giving me the biggest feeling of failure is remember what I've always been told as a child. Use your gifts. Use what you've been given to help the work. Make it a better place with who you are and your specialities.
But......what are my gifts? What do I do well? What can I do to make the world better? How do I parlay what I'm good at into a job? How do I find my calling or those specialties? Is what I'm good at anything useful? Are they worthwhile or things I just can do that get me through a day?
Please understand, this is not meant as a woe is me post. I've had plenty of those in the past and y'all have responded with such kindness. This is more of a something to speak aloud and ponder. Also understand, I know I do certain things well, other things okay and some ish for lack of a better term. I want to figure out how the good can become great and the great become a life.
I've made a list of what I think my positive attirtubes and gifts are and now am at the point of trying to parlay that into something good for life. For me and my family. For a job and for happiness. Please tell me I'm not the only one out there who's felt this way? Those who have, what did you do about it? Did you make a break and jump? Did you realize you were where you needed to be? What was your plan of action? Please share, I desperately need to know :)!
a friend of mine went through something similar. she's a designer by trade (worked for some huge companies) but she was overworked, under paid and was generally unhappy working with the dillholes that she had to call 'co-workers' LOL.
ReplyDeleteshe's so creative; her passion has always been paper products and creating things so she opened up her own online store and started doing that on the side. it allowed her to build relationships with overseas vendors (specifically, Japan) in order to import and sell their products. then she slowly started to build her online presence through social media and over time, she was so busy that she quit her full time job and dedicated all of her time to her store. it was a long process that kept her up late at night and also had to care for her family (5 kids!) so to say she was busy was an understatement.
But this was her passion and she took it in steps:
1) open online store and work with new vendors to import product. this also included learning how to run her own business and learning the ins/outs of inventory mgmnt (which was difficult in the first few years and she said that she wasted a lot of money on inventory that didn't move).
2) build online presence. her line of work is competitive and it's hard to find a 'niche' that leads to success so she started putting in time to build her products via social media in order to increase traffic. this probably took over a year!
3) spending money to make money. in order to get her products out there, she started doing pop up shops where she charged little at first and slowly increased admission fees when her base was increasing.
4) open up an actual store. she's in testing mode for this and her first attempt (a week long lease) was hugely successful. this step is about 4yrs in the making.
so take baby steps, M. build a plan and focus on one thing at at time on that plan. You can do this!!
So crazy, because I was having similar thoughts about my 'gifts' the other day! Sounds like you are making steps in the right direction!
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you wrote this and that you are moving in a direction to understand and use your gifts!
ReplyDeleteSo... in my last career... I was kind of in the same spot... so I started looking at what else I could do that would be a better use of my skills and my passions. Eventually (when the time was right financially), I made the jump... but I needed the down time at my other job to get ready to make that jump. I think that's where you are right now. Honestly, you have such a gift for fitness that I would love to see you ace that PT exam (like I know you can) and get into doing that FOR YOU. Not being owned by a gym as an exec, but to take your skills and enjoyment (and success) in fitness to help others. It's clear you love it - you absolutely glow after a good class... so I think your calling is there, but in a totally different capacity than what you were doing previously.
ReplyDeleteBut... use this downtime. I definitely miss having any part of those days... although I complained about them all.the.time. in my previous career. lol
I have definitely been there! I still get there in my job sometimes. Some days I love teaching & other days I can't think of an exit strategy fast enough. On the days that I want out, especially when it's multiple in a row, I start freaking out that I have no other skills or gifts that I could turn into anything else.
ReplyDeleteYou're such an amazing person & you have so many talents. I hope that you're able to put all of those together & find a career that makes you happy!
I don't have any brilliant advice, but I have had similar thoughts myself. I hope you get some clarity!!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had some good advice for you but I don't. I'm in a similar position. It's a daily struggle. Sadly, due to many reasons and many beyond my control, I'm going to have to stick it out longer than I wish. Having a positive outlook does help. I also find that keeping myself very busy helps not to dwell on the negative. Happiness IS an inside job. Keep your head up!
ReplyDeletei hope you're able to find something that makes you happy and fulfilled. for me, personally, i don't think i exactly have gifts, especially not ones that convert to a job/career, but that doesn't bother me. i don't get fulfillment from work so i don't want to put all of my heart and energy into it. but i understand i am in the minority. anyway. hope you're able to improve your situation!
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