Okay, that's a bit dramatic, Pinky. But friends, I'm feeling hella hella hella old right now. Something has been festering in my brain and I can't shake it. All of a sudden all I can see in the mirror is old.
I'm 34. THIRTY FREAKING FOUR. Next year I will be five years from the big 4-0. I am of the mindset every year is a blessing and every birthday should be celebrated because we all know life is fleeting. Life is temporary no matter what anyone tells you. We are not permanent. So I try to live thankful and grateful and happy.
Key word is try. Every now and then something happens and something festers. Usually I can find the culprit. Usually it is very easy to drill down to find the cause for the effect. But right now, I can't see it. I can't find it. I honestly don't understand it. All I know is I feel old and haggard and so past my prime.
All I see in the mirror now is gray hair I have to die every six weeks. Lines on my forehead that NEVER and I mean NEVER go away. Wrinkle lines around my eye and dark puffy bags underneath. Dull, sun spotted skin which has now decided to break out constantly. Add all of that onto the chicken pox scares on my forehead that seem even more pronounced. Let's not even talk about the more yellow than white teeth because of coffee, tea and wine.
My body seems to be tired more often than not, even with breaks from teaching. Even with BCAAs. Even with extra magnesium. Sleep, what is sleep? Or what is good sleep? I used to think I'd do okay with minimal sleep, but it seems to be part of the reason my body is so blah at the moment.
Most people guess my age to be 10 years younger than the truth. I still get asked if I'm in college, but by fewer and fewer people it seems. Apparently my age is finally starting to show. I've started to consider botox for my face which is something I'd NEVER thought of as an option. NO judgement with others, I just always expected to grow older just the way I am and be fine.
Right now though, fine is the last thing I feel. This age drama is the pits. The worst. And yes, I do know I'm being a bit dramatic, but that's where my head is right now. This is my head space the past ten days. This feeling of being old and drab. Maybe this is the food I'm eating. Maybe this is the solar eclipse. Maybe this is a lost feeling of self. Maybe this is an unsettling moment for another reason entirely. I don't know. All I know is I want to live my truth and be happy. Which might mean a few facials in the future. And maybe a massage. Who knows.
For now, send me all your tips on getting younger looking skin and how I can minimize the bags under my eyes. Oh, and allllllll the makeup tips for mmmmkay?