About Time

Have you seen the movie?

[source]

If you haven't, I highly, highly suggest that you do. Rachel MacAdams is fabulous, of course, and the rest of the cast does a bang up job too. It will make you laugh, cry, cringe and everything in between. I would also bet money, that it's not quite what you expect. It sure wasn't what I expected.

I promise I'm not giving away the plot twists, but there was a scene

in the movie that almost brought me to my knees.

I was already sad, but then something happened

that made me almost, completely lose it. 

I wasn't just in tears, my heart was hurting.

I would give anything to go back in time, on a certain dreadful day.

Or the week before, just to love her, hug her and tell her 

HOW MUCH SHE MEANT TO ME,

before she went home to be with the Lord. 

But, everyday I'm stuck with words I never got to say,

hugs that I never got to give. 

Stuck with regrets about

how many phone calls I didn't make, 

letters I didn't write

and patience that I didn't have all too often.

As we approach the five year anniversary of my grandmother's death, 

I can't help but get sad all over again.  

She's missed so much these past five years,

and I think about her everyday. 

I'm still incredibly bitter she wasn't here for my wedding.

Even as I type this, bitter tears are clouding my eyes. 

She would have had so much fun and loved EVERY moment.

Gosh, I'm bitter. 

I wish with all my heart, I had the ability to go back in time

and tell her about my special day.

And tell her how much she's missed, daily.

About the dreams that are being realized.

 But I can't. 

So, I write this blog post. 

And I cry.

Dearest Mina-Mo,

Gosh, you are so missed. To the core of us, you are missed. I hope you know that I regret all of the time lost while you were alive. EVERY.DAMN.DAY! I remember all the sweet words you said to me and the advice you gave me, whenever you were around. To this day, I still pick all of my produce from the back, since it's the freshest up there. Sometimes I just do it and think nothing of it, other times I catch myself and tears fill my eyes as I remember you. 

My wedding day was not the same without you. Though I wear your rings and have a necklace with your diamond it is nowhere close to being enough. I only hope you were smiling down on that September day and were proud of the woman I was and the man I married. I think you would like Le Husband. He's like daddy, not much of a talker, which works well with your chatty granddaughter. 

I could go on, but sweet grandmother it's too hard. 

Just know that you are missed, thought of and loved so very much. 

Forever your doll,

Pinky