Hello 2017...a few days late. Story of my life since November, huh? This poor lil space has been so neglected due to life, frustrations, happenings, depression, job stresses and just a plain old disheartened spirit.
December 2016 was quite different than December 2015 and I started a post looking back on where I was last holiday season. I was blogging about gift guides, cohosting a holiday linkup, talking about parties, food and traditions, scouring the Internets for the best buys and sharing in the joy of the hustle and bustle on other blogs.
Last month...I posted a total of five times. F I V E! During the busiest and most festive time of the year. I'd blame it all on work, however that would be a lie. It wasn't 100% work, maybe 85% which is still high when you think about it right? Quite often I was too tired to even think about the computer, or I was teaching or I was hanging out with family for dinner or just sitting trying to find my center.
The few times I opened up this space I'd write a sentence or two and then get stuck. Because that's what I've felt the past two months, stuck.
Stuck in a job I don't really care for but I know is a good experience.
Stuck in someone else's home.
Stuck feeling nervous, anxious, worried, fearful and stressed.
Stuck thinking about a possible medical issue which keeps popping up.
Stuck with thoughts of doubts, sadness and nostalgia in my head.
Stuck comparing where I was last year and where everyone else seems to be while I'm in this place.
Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.
Being stuck SUCKS.
As you can imagine, posts like this were not what I wanted when everyone was posting happy, happy, joy, joy, party, party life is grand. Not only did I feel whiny, I felt annoyed I was the only one feeling this way. The only one 'going through something' which I know is not true at all. Everyone has something they are dealing with and right now this feeling of stuck is my burden.
I'd like to say I've got this new mantra for the New Year and I've changed my mindset. That would only be 75% true. I am adapting a 'IT WILL ALL WORK OUT' thought process when I can, because it all has worked out so far. I was able to go home for Thanksgiving. I was able to go home to surprise my family. I was able to take off for Christmas and I was able to have a quiet New Years. Missing out on those were my big fears when I applied for this job, and lookie there, Pinky, it all worked out.
2017 has started with a bang, both good and bad. Good I'll share next week, stay tuned it's big. The bad, yeah kind of tough. Someone quite without notice, which took away weekend help, I'm losing a kids care person and an overnight person at the end of the month, which I just learned about this week. Yeah, lots to work around and multiple puzzles to solve so NOT BORING.
My challenge is to keep the positive in focus, to trust in Him, to not cry overtime something goes wrong and to embrace this trying season of life. Because soon, it will pay off. SOON it will all make sense, I just have to hold on, with that hope for the new life down the road.