May 5, 2010

Change in perspective

So, I've realized you go through different phases with a break up.

Anger.Sadness.Doubt.Happiness.Despair.Lividness(yes i know i made it up).Relief.Acceptance.

You start to see yourself in different ways:

As a fool
As someone who loves greatly
As someone you hates
Someone who forgives
Someone who accepts and moves on
You see yourself becoming happier
more cynical
more loving
more accepting
gentler
harder

And you find yourself getting back to the old you, pre-significant other,
but with strength from what you learned in said relationship.

I've been moving towards a more loving and accepting feeling lately.
I've taken ownership for my own short comings in the relationship
and also come to terms with the fact GT and I will probably never interact again.

Which, for his sake, is probably a good thing now.
Because, my philosophy has changed on the situation.

Before this was my quote:
Shame on you if you fool me once
Shame on me if you fool me twice.

And now, thanks to a random suggestion from a random acquaintance:
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, I'll kick your @$$

Now, for those of you who don't really know me (which is anyone reading this blog, but I digress) you will find that to be a very very different and somewhat untrue perspective for me to have. I have and probably will always be the nice girl, who goes out of her way to help everyone, enjoys the color pink and just lives in a world of rainbows, unicorns, glitter. Or as my bff would say, in a bubble (which I happen to like thank you very much).

But, I am growing up.
I am realizing life is not a bubble and that sometimes you can't be nice.
(Contrary to what Thumper's mother taught him, I know. I still heart you Disney!)
I don't like being played as the fool.

GT lied to me for a month about our relationship, ie he wasn't really in it.
FOOL ME ONCE
And now he lied about trying/wanting to be friends.
FOOL ME TWICE

So, while believing him...again...is still 'shame on me' it's also, 'watch your back'!

Again, I am a lover not a fighter. I hate confrontation. I hate arguing.
I can't even watch it on TV without squirming.

But mark my words, if I run into GT anytime in the near future:

IT
IS
ON!

Now, don't worry. I am not one of those girls on Jerry Springer, Maury or Montel (does anyone still remember Montel? He was a good guy before all the $$ drama). There won't be a fight with slapping, punching, or hitting. Trust me, if he came at me I would enjoy nothing more than laying one on him, but I will give him credit, GT would never hit a girl. However, the ignoring and the Ice Queen act will turn on faster than you can say SNOWTORIOUS B-I-G! Move along little boy, you are not welcome here. I don't do childish immaturity anymore. And if you push me too far my rum and sprite might just end up on your cheap polo. I'm just saying.

I know this doesn't sound very Christian, and in all honestly nothing will ever happen. GT lived 5 minutes away from me the past 2 years and the first time I ever saw him was 8 months ago. Oh and we use to go to the same gym. So,the odds of us running into each other out are very very slim.

But, if it happens, GT will be reminded of something I told him while we were dating.

I might be tiny, but I can still kick your a$$!

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