March 20, 2012

Life Lessons: Always PBD

***This was planned to go up on Wednesday the 14th, but then I got sick***

What does Always PBD mean you ask?!?!

Always Pee Before Driving!

What?!?!!?!? Did Pinky just say pee?

Why yes I did ladies, yes I did.

I'm not really one for toilet humor
(although I do love a dirty joke every now and then)
Farts, burps, PMS talk, p00p and other bodily functions make me say
EEEEEEEEEEEEW GROSSS
with my hands over my ears mind you

But, I feel it is my DUTY (hahaha doody) to inform y'all of my almost unfortunate mishap and SAVE you from any potentially embarrassing moments.
Yeah, I'm nice like that.

Anyway, with the balmy delicious spring weather Tuesday of last week, I decided to actually dress up for work and wear a sweater dress. One of my favorite purchases of last season.

OOTD
Excuse the face....trying to be cute.
Dress: Bebe
Boots: Victoria's Secret (2 seasons ago)
Bracelet: Birthday gift
Earrings: A La C
Necklace: Esty
Nude Hose: Department store, trying to be Kate Middleton
Towel: Embarrassing
Tres Chic right?!!?
I thought so too.
Until 5pm Tuesday night.

I was super stoked to leave work, grab a quick work out, eat dinner and then walk around outside and enjoy the beautiful weather. So excited that I raced out of the office without my usual bathroom pit-stop
(if that's a TMI, I'm sorry, but it is important to the story).

My normal commute home is USUALLY 30ish minutes which is NBD unless there is bad traffic. Wednesdays and Fridays can be longer but 45 minutes is usually the longest I have to deal with without an accident causing drama. Like most people, I KNOW the ebbs and flows of traffic and can tell when the commute home is going to be a longer one causing me to curse out loud, shake my head and turn on some good music to jam out too.

Construction has become the bane of my existence the past 6 months, causing my normal commute to be 45  minutes which drives me nuts.
Anyone out there in the traffic construction business??!? I need to figure out how to send VDOT a piece of my mind. 

Moving on to last week, I breezed out of work, jump in my car and speed drive to the gym.
UH OH, major traffic...major major usually a blizzard has happened traffic.
I had NO patience for sitting in traffic so I illegally drove around a median and jumped into the airport lanes.
What?!?! Everyone else was doing it and I wanted to get home.

After patting myself on the back for my quick thinking and for not getting caught my happy mood was back and I continued on my way.
Until I hit a DEAD STOP!
Yes, lil Pinky didn't pay attention to the traffic report when it said "traffic was STOPPED and being diverted" on the merge from the airport lane.
OHHH snap, that's why traffic was so bad.

Well, normally I would have just cursed (but couldn't, LENT) called and texted my frustration (forgot my PHONE at home) and sat stewing in anger.
However, 3 minutes into stewing I realized,
"OH no, I really really really have to pee".
FOR REAL!

Minute by minute the need grew stronger and stronger
and I kept telling myself, just 5 more minutes and we'll start moving.
Just 10 more minutes and we'll start moving, you can do it.

Well 20 minutes later
and I was pretty much doing the potty dance
in the CAR
(via)

Don't forget, there is NO one to text or call because I don't have my phone. 
(Although that may have been a good thing since I didn't need anyone making me laugh)

There I am dancing in the car
with no ability to move forwards or backwards.
JUST SITTING and DANCING. 

Remember that construction?
Ohhhh yeah, well large construction projects mean LOTS of people.
Which means port-a-potties for these people.
And, it was looking like lil Pinky was going to be 
CRASHING their port-a-PARTY

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I finally told myself,
"If we don't start moving in 5 minutes, I'm LOCKING my car,
getting out
and WALKING through stopped traffic to the potty".

Don't forget what I was wearing!!! Yeah, can you IMAGINE the sight?!?
Lil Miss Thang prancing through traffic in boots and a sweater dress
to go to a construction port-a-potty. 
As the minutes ticked by I was preparing myself to being mortified
for the REST OF MY LIFE!

GOD must have heard my plea, because JUST as I started to move my car to the shoulder, 
TRAFFIC STARTED MOVING!
Granted we were INCHING forward but I told myself I could make it. 

15 minutes later I was at the gym feeling so much better,
and laughing at the whole situation. 

SO MORAL OF THE STORY....

ALWAYS PEE BEFORE DRIVING!!!!

YOU NEVER KNOW when some silly person will park a CRANE
in the middle of the interstate!

8 comments:

Jenn said...

hahahah port-o-party! lol
I'm glad you made it without wet car seats--that could have been embarrassing!

Page Twenty-Two said...

HAHA this made me laugh. Great advice....Always pee before driving...love it! I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me on the way home from Boston...its brutal!

Monica said...

OMG hilarious! I had this happen to me once and I actually had pull to the side of the road because I was near tears I had to pee so bad!

Carolyn said...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I have so been there! Pee dances while driving is NOT FUN! I really wish you had gotten out and used the portapotty. HAHA

Alyssa said...

I have been there and that is the scariest 15, 20, 30 minutes of your life haha!!

Janna Renee said...

I seriously just died and I already knew this story!! Ps. I'm tagging you in an award tomorrow!

Ashley said...

this story gave me anxiety! i HATE the feeling of having to go and not being able too! Probably why I go like every hour and before every meeting....I think our receptionist thinks I have issues! haha. Yikes - this moral is SOO true! Glad you finally got to go ;) haha

Holly said...

OMG your post seriously made me LOL at work haha I heart you! Too funny. Oh and I love your pretty sweater dress too!