March 24, 2016

A Fork, A Precipe, A Change

***Before you read this post there are two things to note. 1] 90% of this was written stream of consciousness a few months ago and has been sitting in my drafts since then. I made it readable within the last few days but the sentiments are that of earlier this year 2] I am not sharing this for head pats or as comment bait. I use this blog as a living journal and know there will come a time where I want to look back on this journey and see EVERYTHING***

The big move is upon us and quite soon we will be sharing the news with everyone. Our good friends and family have known for awhile but soon work, sports teams and the blog world will know and that is a little frightening. There is no turning back once the news is out there. Well of course there is, we can always turn back, however once we share everything it will be quite embarrassing to 'chicken out' and not move forward. And if I'm honest with myself, the fact that everyone will know will make it more real. It will make it a 'do or die' situation in my head and I'm truly terrified we might fail miserably in front of everyone.

I heard a sermon recently where the pastor prayed for God to shake his family up so they could find the truth and a better life. Funny enough I chuckled to myself when I heard that as I thought "why would you pray for that? Seems kind of stupid to me". But then here we are, dropping everything and moving somewhere new. There are avenues here for us to be happy, maybe not as happy as we wish, but happy still. And we'd have friends and family close if anything unexpected were to arise. Yet, we are looking elsewhere for our happiness and trying to forge a new life in a new place because we want something other than what is right in front of us.

As I sit here listening to Le Husband cook dinner in our lil kitchen I find myself wondering if we are choosing the right path. We aren't rich, but we do enjoy a disposable income and can take trips at the drop of a hat. Apartment living isn't for everyone and we are ready for a home, but not being strapped down by a mortgage has allowed us some opportunities we otherwise would have had to decline. Are we ready to say no to impromptu trips and extravagances? Do we really want to put ourselves on a stricter budget? Do I want to have to really thing hard about gifts for others because of our personal finances? Will we miss out on holidays with family due to a new job or too expensive plane tickets?

I'm walking away from a perfectly good and probably what most would call 'a cushy job' for nothing. Obviously I will be pursing a job in Tennessee, doing what exactly remains to be seen, but I'm preparing for a pretty hefty pay cut due to cost of living and job opportunities. The percentage scares me more now as it becomes more real and I see possible months going by without money coming in while I search. BODYPUMP might be a bit of saving grace since a transfer seems to be easy enough, still the money I make teaching will be peanuts compared to what I bring in currently. And please don't even get me started on creating  resume, cover letter and going on interviews. My heart palpitates thinking about the hiring process now and I worry I'm the 'old dinosaur' in a sea of college graduate youngins. I dreaded the 'have you found a job yet?; question when I was a senior in college, I can't imagine how much worse it is going to be now at 33 as weeks, possibly months go by with no new job.

All of the doubt and fear I've had previously is now compounded because my boss has changed her mind on my end date and the few weeks I thought I'd have to play with are now gone. I'm still praying she will change her mind and I can bank a few extra paychecks, however new business policies [of course NOW] seem to make that less and less likely.  Admittedly my confidence has been shaken, all of a sudden what seemed to be the best idea in the world is now feeling more like a stupid chance.

What is the difference between carpe diem and being reckless? What makes taking a chance for a better life different than just changing scenery because I'm bored? Is striking it out 'on our own' really something we need to do or something we want to prove to ourselves and others?  I am quite terrified to thinking about not having a paycheck or becoming house poor. The thought of not having my sisters 20 minutes away scares me and don't even get me started on the thought of finally decided to start a family away from 'home'.#letsnotgetaheadofourselves

Right now I'm all worded out. There really is no point in this post, just a word vomit of emotions and thoughts that need to get out of my head. Hopefully putting them here will help me collectively take a deep breath and charge on with our new adventure. The die are cast now and so we must move forward. We have so much to get done so there really isn't time for wallowing and worrying.  Excited doesn't even begin to explain how I feel about our European trip, I seriously cannot wait. The move has me a bit more apprehensive, which I think is normal, but it is something I need to get over.

I do know this, Le Husband and I have been stagnant for too long and it is now time to put our plan of talk into action. We must embrace the next few months of disarray to hopefully get to the other side we've always dreamed about. Time to turn the doubt around, put on my big girl sparkly pants and attack the future with hope and a smile.
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confessing with jess and linking up with  Natalie & Kristin

32 comments:

Sara Elizabeth said...

If I can help with your resume and cover letter, let me know. That's one of my things. ;) other than that... embrace this season. For whatever reason, you decided this ANDDDD the ducks lined up for it to be possible... so there's a reason for it! YOU GOT THIS!!

BLovedBoston said...

I totally know what you mean about not having to worry about a mortgage and being able to enjoy other things without thinking about that...we've talked about home buying so much recently but I'm like...what about everything else we want to do!? Putting your plans out there is really hard...for me it's always like well I HAVE to do it now...everyone knows lol so it gives me that extra little push!! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

emily @ a little bit of emily said...

I can only imagine the mix of emotions you have experienced and still are. I think having a go at it on your own, with a fresh start some place is so very exciting. While still scary, even if it doesn't turn out exactly how you hoped or you do experience missing out on certain things, at least you will know, rather than thinking what if? I see only good things happening for you, though!!!!

Evelina said...

I think you guys are so brave and awesome for making this big change! And you're absolutely right about once you write it down, it becomes more real! Also, I'm finding that college graduates aren't really getting great jobs because they don't have any experience! So you will definitely have a leg up there!
Evelina @ Fortunate House

Nikki said...

Girl this is so real and honest! I can only imagine what you are going through. I do know that you and the hubby need to do what you guys feel is best and what you guys feel is what God is calling you to do. Enjoy your trip to Europe and enjoy the transition time between jobs and do not let others question and thoughts get the best of you. You will come out on top and you will be exactly where God wants you to be. Remember: Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, bit in ever situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving. present your requests to God. And Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Pamela {Sequins and Sea Breezes} said...

There's no better time than the present for a change! And honestly, you don't have kids that you have to worry about switching schools, you're young, your stable... why not? It's more than just scary making such a big life change but it's not like you guys just came up with the idea and put it in motion without thinking it through! You'll be more than ok in the end! <3, Pamela Sequins & Sea Breezes

kerri @ cheshire kat said...

i love this. all so exciting if you ask me. glad you hit publish after letting it sit in drafts. i often think about this - just up and moving again. it scares the crap out of me bc it was SO hard to do it alone. I am glad you have some family and your husband. believe me even having one built in support system makes it SO much easier. i think once you actually up and move you'll be surprised how awesome it is and wonder why you didn't do it sooner :) eek you're inspiring me girl!

xoxo cheshire kat

Emelia at Dream Big & Buy the Shoes said...

I appreciate your rawness and sharing how you're feeling and what you're thinking...I think it's all normal and understandable. I totally get the not buying a house thing...we need to do that, but the thought of it and the process scares me. You'll be just fine...but I can imagine the stress you're going through. One day at a time!

LMW said...

Been there, done that and fear is natural and healthy. It means you have truly thought this through and you and C know what is good for you. You have prayed and listened. He will provide for you and I am here for venting, tears and fears.

Katie Elizabeth said...

I think ANY change is scary and comes with risk, but I fully 100% stand behind that first quote you posted - you'll only regret the changes you didn't take. So while it's impossible not to worry, I know that!, just feel confident in the fact that this is the right decision for you guys right now :)

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

If the path ahead is clear, you're on someone else's path. There will always be obstacles. When confronted with great change, fear is normal. At the end of the day, you will be okay. You will be great!

Sarita @ it's my girls' world said...

You're not letting fear cripple you and that's huge!! Sending God's blessings your way!!

Foxy's Domestic Side said...

Very scary indeed! But you know what you don't have a mortgage or kids yet, so now is the time to do something like this! Enjoy it and then when/if you decide to start a family you can always move back. There is no shame in wanting to have family nearby when kids are in the picture. I get wanting to leave, I've always lived close (relatively) to my family and moving far away scares me but something I would consider if the timing was right. I've never lived outside of my state...part of me wants to do it for a year or two but come back...You'll do great!

Shelby | Recent Somethings said...

Keep the faith! Packing up and moving to a new state along with all of the professional and financial challenges is enough to make anyone do a lot of thinking and doubting. Just keep moving forward and things will fall into place as they are supposed to. xx

Georgia Glam said...

Steven talks about moving somewhere new occasionally, I am petrified. It takes a lot of courage, strength and prayers to venture into something new, and it sounds like you have a great partner to do that with! It isn't going to be pretty and it might not be fun right off of the bat (while trying to find jobs) but all you can do is take the leap of faith and if it works, it works! If it doesn't then you have a home to return to. Sending encouragement and good vibes your way!! Xo

Kristin said...

It takes a lot of bravery to make a move and take a chance. If I weren't forced to do it because of my husband's job, I never would have. It's shown me what I'm capable of! And yes, with all the youths out there, it's hard to make yourself stand out.
Thoughts, prayers, and wishes of good luck while you make this transition!

Jen said...

It's so scary but so amazing at the same time! You guys are taking a chance and that is awesome!

Cece said...

A lot of people WISH they had the courage to embark on a new adventure in their lives. You are actually doing it which is scary and awesome. You should follow this girl @ChelseaDinen on snapchat. I'm sure she has other social media outlets, but she talks a lot about the "gypsy spirit" and fear of the unknown. She is a single gal, and I can't relate sometimes 'cause I have no plans of moving, but she says a lot of inspirational things. Best of luck on the new chapter of your life.

Kate at Green Fashionista said...

You've got this gurlie, and I love the leap you guys are taking to follow your dreams! Moving from CT to FL was the scariest yet most rewarding thing we've ever done, and we couldn't be happier. Love that you're not being crippled by fear, and going after what you want <3
Green Fashionista

The Girl who Loved to Write said...

It's an adventure, and I think it's going to be such a rewarding one for you guys. Good for you for taking the leap!

Missy said...

Shaking things up and making a change is always anxiety ridden and scary, but in the end it always brings something great! Good luck!

Regine Karpel said...

God Bless
www.rsrue.blogspot.com

Jessica (The Newly) said...

Stepping out on faith and faith alone is one of the hardest things to do in life. But it's also the ONLY way to really see what you are made of and allow God to open doors for you that you never even knew existed before. I have full confidence that you and le hubby are making a good choice that will strengthen your marriage as you forge a path of your own, relying on each other for security and comfort as you do. And I can't wait to follow along (and hopefully get to see you soon!) Stagnancy is never good, so I am glad you are saying no to it and shaking things up. I would never have expected anything less!!!

Liz Jo said...

I have faith that what is in your future is far great than your past! It's such a scary time to be moving but you will get through this :) even if the future seems so uncertain. You never know you may find a job even better in the new city than you have here :)

liz @ j for joiner

Katie @ Running With Wine said...

This post if full of honesty and fear and I love you for sharing it. Just a few months ago I quit my job and moved and while it was super scary I haven't regret it for a second. All the change is scary but you are a smart and incredible person and it will all work out in some way and it will be ok. I'm sending positive vibes and a prayer or two your way lady!

Jessi @ Jessi's Design said...

Oh girl I feel like now is perfecto! This is such an exciting but also stressful time, the mix of emotions is cray but fun! You got this! Sorry I'm so behind! Hope ya'll have a fabulous Easter weekend!!!! Sending LOVE! xo

Kayla MKOY said...

Girl, I love your honesty! Seriously, God will guide you through this new transition. Sure, there may be struggles, but you'll learn from them and move on. You guys are gonna rock this move! I hope you find a job you LOVE in TN!!!

Michelle said...

Be fearless Pinky! Sometimes life just has to happen and leave the rest up to God. As long as you commit your plans to Him first, the rest always works itself out. Go for it!

Lindsay at Lindsay'sSweetWorld said...

Go get that adventure, girl!! You definitely don't want to look back on your life with regrets so I say go and see what you can get yourself into, and if you don't like it, you can always go home. :o)

http://sweetcanadian.blogspot.com/ said...

Oh hunny, I hope you see this comment.

As someone who recently moved only 2 months ago I understand your angst. I do not have a full time job yet so i understand that too. I am working with a temp agency and if it weren't for the job getting extended by a month I would probably be tapped out right now. it didn't help that i was out of work for 8 weeks with my surgeries and hospital stays so i feel you on that.

That being said....i do not regret it. We sold our house in 18 days, once the money comes through I will feel much better. You probably have less debt than I do, and your husband makes more than my husband does but it will be manageable.

I am just wondering though...how come you keep thinking buying a house will make you house poor? My mortgage was MUCH lower than my rent and even ALL house costs made it lower. They are only super expensive if you go with something completely out of reach. You do not need to go with the biggest and fanciest for your starter home. Idk how different it is in TN $$$ wise but I bet it isn't as bad as you think for owning vs renting.

You have been unhappy for far to long, these feelings are normal, and while you say you are happy with your current situation if you truly think about it, you were not. You don't want to be left with the would haves, should haves, could haves.

You can rent, then if you do realize it is a good fit, buy. That is what we are doing.

You also have been at the same job for a long time so that might help. Too bad your boss isn't being so nice. Take care.

Kristen @ See You In A Porridge said...

loved reading this even if this was written yonks ago before, and this isn't out of pity or head patting lol, but i understand all your feelings. things are scary. this was very real and honest :) it was really hard for us to decide to buy a house, it meant australia (moving) was very off the table for at least a few years, it also meant we had to stop travelling as much, or so we thought. we were prepared to scale back our lifestyle and have a strict budget, but it hasn't been too bad. i mean, we've talked about this and how the 'slower' pace of life is where it's at, living below or within your means, etc etc. the hardest things are almost always the things that are so worth it and i am so happy you are doing this. can't wait to follow along :)

Carolyn said...

OK. I've been a horrible blog friend! :) I'm playing catch up today and this post makes me want to reach through the interwebs and hug you! OK - I always want to do that, but especially today! I promise that you and your husband are not making a mistake. You're going to be making memories that you'll have FOREVER. You'll find a job when it's the right one and everything will work out. I'm so proud of you for taking a chance and making the memories. I love my life with kids and a house and a mortgage and dogs but it definitely ties you down. Looking back, doing something "crazy" like this with Jake would have been so cool! I promise - you're not going to regret it. This is what life is about!!!! Love you my pink crayola friend!