December 15, 2016
The Good...The Bad...The Ugly
I passed another initial training over the weekend. I took a chance with BODYCOMBAT because it is way outside my essence and I made it through with a 3/3 pass. My trainers were incredible and my training team was so supportive. I walked away from this training a lot more sure of myself within the Les Mills world. I also walked away with high praise from my fellow instructors and from one of my trainers. Despite still feeling 'new' to BODYPUMP and ATTACK, I was told I "OWNED THE STAGE" whenever I presented and that meant a lot coming from a trainer. I'll take that nugget now and grow in my classes which makes me excited to teach once again. There was also movement on my overall goal within the Les Mills tribe and very good feedback when I expressed where I wanted my journey to go. I love the fitness world and each training reminds me of the fire I have to help create a healthier world.
My job sucks donkey balls. Sorry for the vulgarity, but there is no other way to express how I feel. It sucks and it sucks badly. Managing people is HARD and managing people who don't take their jobs seriously is stressful beyond belief. I've had multiple no call no shows and it causes so much stress and frustration for me. I'm still struggling to understand I can't control people and if they don't show up, that's not my fault and not a reflection on me. I've only hired ONE person and some of the people I've inherited have been disappointing. The corporate culture here is also tough as our management team has been thrown multiple curveballs, multiple times a week and even a day. I'm lucky to have a supportive GM and an FM who I consider a friend. 75% of my team is amazing and I have five people I can count on no matter what which has helped numerous times.
I am slowly stressing out about my job, my life and soon my health is going to start suffering. The no call no shows at work have stressed me out to the max. Each call in the early morning ruins my day and I honestly can feel my body breaking down. I don't do well without sleep and I can barely sleep two hours before waking up thinking my phone is going to ring. I cry, ALL.THE.TIME because I feel like I'm failing on so many levels. I miss my family like crazy, am so so so so sad about my sister leaving and not being able to be home to hang with her, I barely find time to eat at work, I work 8+ hour days without a break to get work done and then get in trouble for going into overtime. I worry I won't get away for Christmas and I fear I'll never be able to take a day off of work. This also affects my fitness goals because worrying about people not showing up means I might not try to attend trainings and that kills me. I KNOW WHERE I WANT TO GO AND WHAT I WANT TO DO, I just can't seem to make this job work for that end goal.
The IT GETS BETTER!!!!
The first three paragraphs were brought to you on Sunday evening. After I wrote my note to Jason, which I almost didn't post because it felt too sad this time of year, but I needed to be true to me so on the blog it published. Losing Jason really hurt and really put me in a bad place for a few days. Work was a mess and I just felt like the biggest failure on earth. But then, my big boss showed up to check on her lil baby OM and really helped me put things into perspective. I learned how to manage my time better and she even helped me figure out how I can find a day off here and there which means a lot. Nothing about this job is easy, but my mentors and support system both make it manageable when I think I'm going to break. I've renewed my resolve and set a MUST MAKE goal. I can get there, I know it.