December 15, 2016

The Good...The Bad...The Ugly


The Good...
I passed another initial training over the weekend. I took a chance with BODYCOMBAT because it is way outside my essence and I made it through with a 3/3 pass. My trainers were incredible and my training team was so supportive. I walked away from this training a lot more sure of myself within the Les Mills world. I also walked away with high praise from my fellow instructors and from one of my trainers. Despite still feeling 'new' to BODYPUMP and ATTACK, I was told I "OWNED THE STAGE" whenever I presented and that meant a lot coming from a trainer. I'll take that nugget now and grow in my classes which makes me excited to teach once again. There was also movement on my overall goal within the Les Mills tribe and very good feedback when I expressed where I wanted my journey to go. I love the fitness world and each training reminds me of the fire I have to help create a healthier world.

The Bad...
My job sucks donkey balls. Sorry for the vulgarity, but there is no other way to express how I feel. It sucks and it sucks badly. Managing people is HARD and managing people who don't take their jobs seriously is stressful beyond belief. I've had multiple no call no shows and it causes so much stress and frustration for me. I'm still struggling to understand I can't control people and if they don't show up, that's not my fault and not a reflection on me. I've only hired ONE person and some of the people I've inherited have been disappointing. The corporate culture here is also tough as our management team has been thrown multiple curveballs, multiple times a week and even a day. I'm lucky to have a supportive GM and an FM who I consider a friend. 75% of my team is amazing and I have five people I can count on no matter what which has helped numerous times.

The Ugly...
I am slowly stressing out about my job, my life and soon my health is going to start suffering. The no call no shows at work have stressed me out to the max. Each call in the early morning ruins my day and I honestly can feel my body breaking down. I don't do well without sleep and I can barely sleep two hours before waking up thinking my phone is going to ring. I cry, ALL.THE.TIME because I feel like I'm failing on so many levels. I miss my family like crazy, am so so so so sad about my sister leaving and not being able to be home to hang with her, I barely find time to eat at work, I work 8+ hour days without a break to get work done and then get in trouble for going into overtime. I worry I won't get away for Christmas and I fear I'll never be able to take a day off of work. This also affects my fitness goals because worrying about people not showing up means I might not try to attend trainings and that kills me. I KNOW WHERE I WANT TO GO AND WHAT I WANT TO DO, I just can't seem to make this job work for that end goal.

The IT GETS BETTER!!!!
The first three paragraphs were brought to you on Sunday evening. After I wrote my note to Jason, which I almost didn't post because it felt too sad this time of year, but I needed to be true to me so on the blog it published. Losing Jason really hurt and really put me in a bad place for a few days. Work was a mess and I just felt like the biggest failure on earth. But then, my big boss showed up to check on her lil baby OM and really helped me put things into perspective. I learned how to manage my time better and she even helped me figure out how I can find a day off here and there which means a lot. Nothing about this job is easy, but my mentors and support system both make it manageable when I think I'm going to break. I've renewed my resolve and set a MUST MAKE goal. I can get there, I know it.

9 comments:

Sara Elizabeth said...

Oh girl. I get this.

Being a boss is SO. HARD. No one really understands until they have had so much respondibility. I totally get all of this. If you ever need to talk through any of it, let me know. I'm not perfect at worklife balance BUT I'm happy to share and walk you through anything I can.

Hugs.

Chelsea said...

I hope it gets better :) It is hard when people don't want to do their job :( I am sorry girl Chelsea @ thewilliamsjourney1.blogspot.com/

Kathy@MoreCoffeeLessTalky said...

it's so important to have a great support network at work and a great boss so i'm glad that she was able to help you.

managing people IS SO HARD; especially when you have a certain expectation of them since you put a lot of expectation on yourself....doesn't it surprise you when you realize that people don't give a shit about how their behaviour reflects on them as a person? I mean, how can you NOT SHOW UP and then be ok with people thinking that you suck?? i can't deal with that, would never do that since I hold myself in high regard and can't believe that people actually dont give a shit about their reputation!

Brianne said...

First of all, congrats on doing so well with BODYCOMBAT! I'm sorry that your job sucks so much right now. I hope that either you find a better one soon or that this one gets better. I'm glad that your big boss helped you a bit & that you have a good support system.

Carly Blogs Here said...

Yay for ending on a positive (& that meme is too funny). I'm sorry you're having such a tough time at your job, it doesn't sound ideal at all, but it also sounds like you are finding ways to adjust and make it work for you-- hopefully you can slowly get rid of the people who aren't doing their job and fill the new spots with people you can trust and depend on.

Jen said...

I hope it gets better, hugs!!! I love that meme!

Missy said...

LOL to your meme, that is how I feel right now after my non vacation and dealing with my stolen shit. Managing people is the worst, so sorry! Chin up, it'll all work out!

Kate at Green Fashionista said...

Sending you all the *hugs* sweet friend! So glad that you have a great boss who is also your friend, stay strong and know that it'll get better. Toxic employees always have a way of weeding themselves out one way or another ;-)
Green Fashionista

Cece @Mahogany Drive said...

My sister was a retail manager and she had the same complaints about people who don't take their job seriously and the stress it put on her. It's tough! Hang in there. It sounds like you have a great team around you to get you through it. Make sure to get those days off in! You need it.