December 1, 2016

Thoughts This First of December




New job: This job is bananas. Seriously, bananas. I walk into the gym in the morning with a plan and everyday that plan is changed and put to the test. Nothing starts the way it should and there is always SOMETHING I'm chasing to get done. I wanted a job not behind a computer and and did I get it. I'm on my feet constantly, either behind the desk checking people in or walking around trying to get things put away or handled. My boss is very supportive and I'm a huge fan of my coworker [oh hey single ladies in the area, holla me] which is good, but scheduling and managing a team of 16 is tough. Something is always going on, someone is always quitting, someone is always not showing up, someone is always asking for help. But, thankfully, someone is always stepping up, someone is always offering to help, someone is always filling the gap. Yet, the trying to get it all handled stresses me to the max. I'm not sleeping as well because I'm always worried about someone calling out overnight and I'm getting anxious driving into the parking lot because I never know what I'm walking into in the morning. Don't get me wrong, I know this is a great experience for my resume, but I already know this is NOT the career for me. I think I'll stay with the company as long as I can, but I don't know how long I'll last in this environment because of scheduling. We will see what the future brings and I'm gonna stick it out for awhile until I can get where I want with a job.
Being nomads: Okay, we're not really nomads, we have a place to live and have since we moved in June. However, it's someone else's home, not ours and it's tough. We are ever so blessed, but it's tough. Especially right now around the holidays. All I see online are people posting pictures of THEIR trees, THEIR decorations, THEIR traditions and at the moment we have NONE. There is NOTHING ours so there is nothing to decorate and make festive. I had a really down in the dumps moment when we came home on Sunday because I knew the Christmas season was right around the corner and there was nothing of ours to decorate. And then Monday happened. My aunt and uncle decorated their home and asked me to help them with the tree and it was the greatest time. We drank some wine, put on some Christmas music, forgot about the time and just enjoyed the moment. Being part of a new tradition brought me a new perspective on our transitional holiday season. I'm sad I'm missing out on our old traditions but look forward to experiencing and loving our new Tennessee life. Right now I'm sharing some wine with family and friends while they chat together and we listen to Christmas music. All in all, life is blessed and I'm thankful for all the good.

The big move: No, I'm not talking about my big move, I'm talking about my sister's. She is moving in January and as the date loom closer and closer I've started to feel more and more sad and anxious. As I've stated before, I know moving is just part of life and my family has been beyond lucky and blessed for being so closely located for so long. However, knowing change is part of life and being happy with change is two different things. I lost it over Thanksgiving because I realized how far away Arizona truly is from here. It is NOT drivable for a weekend. It is NOT a trip on just a whim. It is something to be planned and take vacation for and that means time away from my job. As stupid as it is to write at 33, I am NOW for the first time realizing how much my job can dictate my life, and the fact I can't just up and drive for a sissy reunion breaks my heart. I'm PROUD and excited for my sister, 100%! I'm just sad I won't be able to hug her and smell her and touch her and see her whenever I want. I'm so going to miss my best friend.

Future plans: Oh the future, what a scary and exciting thought right? I've kept this quiet because I didn't want to jinx it, but now I'm putting it into the universe as positive affirmation. Le Husband and I put an offer on a townhouse and potentially could close in the beginning of January. It's been crazy getting everything together for the loan and figuring out where we wanted to live. The location is phenomenal and I'm so hopeful everything will work out for us. I'm also starting to ponder the future of my job, my goals and what I want to do fitness-wise. I know where I want to be, I know what I want to do, I just don't know how I'll get there and how long it will take. Along those lines, I'm not sure where we stand with kids. Originally I thought we'd start a family next year but as of now it will be later than 2017 for sure. We need to be more stable [home and money wise], I need to feel more comfortable with a job future and we both definitely need to feel more ready to be parents.

This blog: Am I wasting my time? Do you all enjoy reading? Will I be happy I have this in a few years? Honestly, I don't know. I took some time to look through posts from this time last year and WOW, I was so much more on the ball and was so involved with y'all. And now, I just don't have the same amount of time and am so tired when I get home I barely open my MAC. I miss you guys, I miss my friends and I miss my community. I keep saying I want to come back, but I wonder if it's really in the cards. If it's something I need to be doing with my time. I might start a fitness blog, because I am getting my PT cert and thinking about doing an online business. Who really knows right now. But, know that even though I'm scarce, I'm still here and I'm still reading. It is usually on my phone when I can't comment, but I'm still here so don't leave me yet.

So that's me, y'all. What's going on with you?

14 comments:

Pamela {Sequins and Sea Breezes} said...

YAY I hope you guys get the townhouse! I know it would be nice for you guys to have a set place to call home! And I feel you on the job thing. My days have been absolutely nuts lately but hopefully things will calm down a bit and if not, you know you won't be bored! <3, Pamela Sequins & Sea Breezes

Brianne said...

Read the first line & automatically started singing "this job is bananas b-a-n-a-n-a-s... moving on... I hope that you find something that you are able to find a career that suits you better.

Good luck with the townhouse! I really hope that it works out for you! Having people to stay with & a place to live is of course amazing but I completely understand how you feel. It's jut not the same when it's not YOURS.

I feel like everyone is going through a blogging slump right now. I feel that way & have read the same thing on at least a half dozen other blogs. I would be so sad if you permanently went away. I love reading your blog.

Kathy@MoreCoffeeLessTalky said...

i love how close you guys are! but just remember - those reunions will be that much sweeter! and with technology, you can always skype or facetime any time you want :)

Trista @ The Classy Chaos said...

I'm so hoping the townhouse works out for you!! And I totally get it. I basically took a one year sabbatical and now I'm getting back to it. But no lie, it's a struggle. Trying to fit blogging in and maintain a balance. But I'm determined too. I'm continuously reminding myself why I blog. So, don't throw in the towel just yet BUT if you need to take a break, take one! Living life is way more important than blogging about it. I tell myself that all the time!

Nikki @ makeupHER said...

Girl sometimes I feel the same about my blog, I used to be able to actual put effort into it, but it's been so much harder lately! Good vibes and fingers crossed that you guys get that townhouse! I can't imagine how hard it must be to just be in limbo waiting, but good things come to those who wait! It royally sucks that your sissy won't be driving distance anymore, I feel you because I miss my bestie/sissy so so so much and try to facetime her as much as possible, but it just isn't the same. LOVE your aunt & uncle's tree!

Katie Elizabeth said...

Sending all of the good vibes for the townhouse to work out!!!! So exciting!! And I've had the same thoughts about blogging since Hadley was born - is it worth my time, considering free time is very precious now? I keep coming back though, so maybe that's my answer. I'd be so sad if you left blogland - I hope you know how much we all love you here!

LMW said...

love you so much. we need a BOFF chat this weekend.

Tracy said...

I would not last long in a field like that! Honestly that's kind of what teaching was like a reason I knew it wasn't for me long-term/forever. Hats off to you, lady.
Fingers crossed for the townhouse! That's so exciting!
I am so in the same boat about blogging. I like the idea of it way more than I actually like doing it...which isn't to say that I don't like doing it, I just find it hard to carve out the time and I wonder what the point even is anyway and if this is really how I should be spending my time. I read regularly but it's usually on my phone so I don't comment a whole lot either! I'm on a computer all day at work (where I can't comment either) and when I get home usually the last thing I want or have time to do is open my computer.

Jen said...

I love reading your blog!!! It's unique and fun!

Emily said...

Prayers, good vibes, and fingers crossed for the townhouse!

Also sending you big virtual hugs because altering reading this post it sounds like a virtual hug or ten might be nice for you! As uncertain/crazy/stressful as everything is, it is still so inspiring that you're showing up to this place and writing about your life so honestly. It's also so inspiring that you're going through these big changes and talking about them.

So thanks for being vulnerable and honest and great :)

Queen In Between said...

life can be such a crazy journey can't it? I encourage you to keep it up in some form or fashion. Having the opportunity to look back at the stages of your life and seeing how you grow and change over time can be so amazing. All of this is shaping you into the person you are meant to become!

Carly Blogs Here said...

I think everything you're feeling about your new job is so normal as you're still getting the hang of the people, position, and just a huge change from what you were probably doing before. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job & hopefully things continue to settle more and more into place-- praying you have less anxiety around everything. I think the best thing about blogging is that it can ebb and flow and you can come and go as you need and your blog will always be there so don't stress about it not looking the same as last year!

Nikki said...

I hope you dint give up blogging. Breaks are one thing take a break get yourself together and come back but please don't give it up all together. Love you!

Kristen @ See You In A Porridge said...

oh my goodness!! the townhouse!!! how exciting!!! hope all goes well girl.

i am glad your aunt and uncle asked you to help with decorations. that's awesome. i'm a bit of a grinch around christmas and we don't have a tree or any decorations in our basement and it's kind of weird, even for a grinch like me. i feel you girl.

i might take awhile to catch up, but i don't think you're wasting your time and i like following along with your life. hugs girl xx