Life has me adrift as of late. Shocking, right? Now hear me out, I'm past the point of feeling on an edge of a scary precipice. Of fearing the future and desperately pleading for something steady. I have something steady, which eases my fears, yet there is still a longing for a truer sense of belonging.
My job gives me no fulfillment and honestly is a waste of a day. Work is done before lunch, quite often earlier, which leaves hours of nothing. I've found ways to pass the time and am now refocusing my studying efforts for my PT exam, but the unexpected something always looms so I usually do not get fully invested in studying or learning new choreography for classes.
All the down time leads my mind to wonder, ponder and criticize my situation. Try as I might I can't shake the feeling, so I'm taking steps to work with someone on focusing. Small step, but a step none the less. Hopefully it will help this sense of yoyo emotions.
One of the things giving me the biggest feeling of failure is remember what I've always been told as a child. Use your gifts. Use what you've been given to help the work. Make it a better place with who you are and your specialities.
But......what are my gifts? What do I do well? What can I do to make the world better? How do I parlay what I'm good at into a job? How do I find my calling or those specialties? Is what I'm good at anything useful? Are they worthwhile or things I just can do that get me through a day?
Please understand, this is not meant as a woe is me post. I've had plenty of those in the past and y'all have responded with such kindness. This is more of a something to speak aloud and ponder. Also understand, I know I do certain things well, other things okay and some ish for lack of a better term. I want to figure out how the good can become great and the great become a life.
I've made a list of what I think my positive attirtubes and gifts are and now am at the point of trying to parlay that into something good for life. For me and my family. For a job and for happiness. Please tell me I'm not the only one out there who's felt this way? Those who have, what did you do about it? Did you make a break and jump? Did you realize you were where you needed to be? What was your plan of action? Please share, I desperately need to know :)!