Sometimes you have to {Surrender}

We think we can do it all. We think we have this thing called life down to an art. Then life rears it's head and hits us where it hurts. It brings sickness, lost jobs, surprise surgeries, broken friendships, breakups, divorce, miscarriages, troubles conceiving, missed opportunities and so many other tough breaks. Life can be hard and sometimes it's hard to manage and keep the smile on our faces, despite how desperately we try to keep it all together.

When I get stressed, I turn {i n w a r d} and try to keep it to myself. I hate admitting I'm not strong. I hate admitting I can't do it myself and I've started to hate crying in front of anyone. I do whatever I can to hide the tears and the sobs, because I don't like showing my weakness. I'm fine crying at a sad story on TV or a sports moment, but acknowledging that life makes me cry is NOT something I want others to see.

Friday was one of those days I barely kept it together. Which is why I left the gym after one set. I felt so beaten down, that I KNEW I couldn't handle another 'defeat' without losing it. Le Husband stayed behind, because I told him to, and I went  home, surrendered to the stress and sobbed in dark, without fear of being found out.

In the quiet of my dark apartment, I found some peace in acknowledging what was troubling me and then I began trying to push through the sadness, to get right again. We all have different ways we handle stress and fear, I personally turn to the Lord and the word. I find that when I can't figure it out on my own, He can help me find my way.

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After some quiet meditation, a text to my BOFF, and some tears in the shower, I felt better and was ready for the rest of the evening. Le Husband did what he could by taking me out on a date and then we met some friends at a bar, which gave me some happy distraction. Suddenly, life was good again and I was back to my normal self.

Sunday I was able to witness a sermon perfectly suited for Friday's problems. The pastor preached on anxiety and the different ways we combat our fears. The scripture felt like it was picked JUST for me and I found comfort in knowing I am not alone in my fears and my anxiety.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. "

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My attitude is better now, but there will be bad days, fears and anxieties about what life brings.  This is a week where most are celebrating family, friends and love, but there are those that dread the holidays. If anyone of you fall into that category, know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you during this season. < 3

Life is far from perfect and I never try to portray perfection here. I hate wallowing in despair or complaining about things I can change, or the ridiculous dramas of life, because that's just silly. However, I choose to acknowledge my bad days, my imperfections and my fears. The bad makes the good that much more sweet, right?

Today, I will face my fears head on and surrender my anxiety.