November 25, 2014

Sometimes you have to {Surrender}

We think we can do it all. We think we have this thing called life down to an art. Then life rears it's head and hits us where it hurts. It brings sickness, lost jobs, surprise surgeries, broken friendships, breakups, divorce, miscarriages, troubles conceiving, missed opportunities and so many other tough breaks. Life can be hard and sometimes it's hard to manage and keep the smile on our faces, despite how desperately we try to keep it all together.

When I get stressed, I turn {i n w a r d} and try to keep it to myself. I hate admitting I'm not strong. I hate admitting I can't do it myself and I've started to hate crying in front of anyone. I do whatever I can to hide the tears and the sobs, because I don't like showing my weakness. I'm fine crying at a sad story on TV or a sports moment, but acknowledging that life makes me cry is NOT something I want others to see.

Friday was one of those days I barely kept it together. Which is why I left the gym after one set. I felt so beaten down, that I KNEW I couldn't handle another 'defeat' without losing it. Le Husband stayed behind, because I told him to, and I went  home, surrendered to the stress and sobbed in dark, without fear of being found out.

In the quiet of my dark apartment, I found some peace in acknowledging what was troubling me and then I began trying to push through the sadness, to get right again. We all have different ways we handle stress and fear, I personally turn to the Lord and the word. I find that when I can't figure it out on my own, He can help me find my way.
[source]
After some quiet meditation, a text to my BOFF, and some tears in the shower, I felt better and was ready for the rest of the evening. Le Husband did what he could by taking me out on a date and then we met some friends at a bar, which gave me some happy distraction. Suddenly, life was good again and I was back to my normal self.

Sunday I was able to witness a sermon perfectly suited for Friday's problems. The pastor preached on anxiety and the different ways we combat our fears. The scripture felt like it was picked JUST for me and I found comfort in knowing I am not alone in my fears and my anxiety.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. "
{source}

My attitude is better now, but there will be bad days, fears and anxieties about what life brings.  This is a week where most are celebrating family, friends and love, but there are those that dread the holidays. If anyone of you fall into that category, know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you during this season. < 3

Life is far from perfect and I never try to portray perfection here. I hate wallowing in despair or complaining about things I can change, or the ridiculous dramas of life, because that's just silly. However, I choose to acknowledge my bad days, my imperfections and my fears. The bad makes the good that much more sweet, right?

Today, I will face my fears head on and surrender my anxiety. 

30 comments:

mariafelicia magno said...

nice post

Claire Hoots said...

Thanks for your genuine outlook. We all have those days and need to unite in prayer. So great to have your husband and other support system around you! Happy Thanksgiving!

-Claire
www.fashionandfeathers.com

BLovedBoston said...

I have to say a good cry is sometimes the best medicine! I'm glad you're feeling better and I'm even more happy that you know it was going to be ok!!! Thinking of you girl!! xo

Rebecca Jo said...

I am in a battle with fear& anxiety right now so i needed this post. ... thank you

Jessica said...

Love your vulnerability in this post, sweet girl. Thank you for being open enough to share it with us today. You are right - life is not always easy. In fact, sometimes life is just plain hard. And we all deal with things differently. But I can tell you one thing - the faith that we share is the single most important thing we have to lean on during the tough times. I am so glad that we share this. And love that verse you shard. Rejoice, indeed. Loving you today, precious friend. Thinking about you.

Mree said...

I know you pain. We all have fears and we all have bad days. Facing your fears head on is the best thing. You are stronger than you realize.

The Siberian American said...

I completely get this, girl. Psalm 23 has always been comforting to me. I love the verse you shared too. So beautiful and comforting.

Julia said...

Yep, sometimes life just throws you some curve balls. I try to stay positive too but sometimes you really do just need to cry it out! I tend to want to hide my sadness and pain too. It's hard to be vulnerable and acknowledge when you're struggling! I'm so glad we have God to turn to!

awhite said...

I'm with you- I hate to break down in public/appear like I'm not strong. But we're all human, and we all need to cry it out sometimes. Glad you were able to cheer up a bit- keep your chin up! :)

-Ashley
Le Stylo Rouge

Alisha said...

I am completely with you here, sweet girl, thank you for sharing. You are right, sometimes all we have is Him to look to. Prayers for you, as always. xx

MakeMeUpMia said...

Turning to the Lord and his word can sure pick you up huh :) Sorry that Friday was rough for you, a good cry out can sometimes do the trick! Glad you're feeling better, thinking of you!

Kristen said...

glad you're feeling better love.. you're right life is not perfect, and sometimes a good cry can really help.

Jamie said...

Xo

Illegally Blonde said...

as always, love you to death. life is scary stuff sometimes and sometimes you just have to give it up and its hard and messy and know we have all been there.

Amanda {Kids and Cabernet} said...

Great post. And glad to hear you're feeling better

Jessi @ Jessi's Design said...

Oh no :( Not at all what I wanted to read and I'm so sorry you felt so lost. Glad Sunday's sermon (and a good cry) got you back on track and I'm currently (as in right now) sending you prayers of strength and good vibes! (and love!!) Have a fabulous rest of the week! xoxo

Jess said...

Hang in there girl. I hope this week is better! :)

Janna Renee said...

This is beautiful, poignant, and RAW. Admitting weakness takes strength, and we ALL feel it. You are amazing, and it takes the bad times to truly appreciate the good times. Cliche, but true. I love you booboo, and you know I'm ALWAYS here for you!!! Just a text message away.

Julie said...

I am the same way. I don't like anyone to see me upset, so I wait until I'm alone and let it all out. Sometimes a good cry is exactly what you need!

Darcy said...

Don't you love when the sermon relates exactly to what you are going through at that moment?
www.amemoryofus.com

Bitzy said...

<3

Meghan @ Me as Meghan said...

Thank you for sharing this! I agree with needing to acknowledge bad days, imperfections, and fears...in order to have peaks, there needs to be some valleys!

beautybrain said...

you know what? I needed to read this day. The Lord definitely brought me your way!! Thanks for the much needed encouragement. :)

Amanda {Kids and Cabernet} said...

I missed this post yesterday. So sorry you had a bad day, sometimes some alone time and a good cry is just what you need. So glad you're feeling better xo

Courtney B said...

Oh girl, sending you hugs, prayers and my love right now!! I know this feeling all too well, I think we all do! I'm so glad you posted this so that we can all lean on each other and help support during our roughest moments! You truly are amazing and it's okay to have bad days (or even just bad moments) sometimes it's just what we need to be reminded how blessed we are. And girl, if nothing else, you are blessed with an AMAZING hubs (and good friends)!! Love you!!

The Pink Growl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Pink Growl said...

LOVE this post! I've been feeling a similar way lately. I did a post about it today. I think this time of year can take it's toll on us, because we get caught up in all the wrong things. I love you friend! Love your encouraging words and so happy to see you face this anxiety and surrender to Jesus. Sometimes it just takes literally getting on our knees and handing it up to him! XOXO

Nadine Lynn said...

Sometimes we all just need a good hard cry, and a day where everything isn't rainbows and butterflies. Sending hugs!

Lisa Loves John said...

Hang in there, girlfriend! Sometimes a good cry is healing (especially in the shower!)

Mary said...

I love that passage!! Isn't it amazing how sometimes the scripture seems customized just for what we need at the time? I love that! Sending long distance hugs! :)