April 10, 2013

The Sun Shines BRIGHTEST after the Rain

And yesterday it did rain

Not in DC, but in my heart and my life. 

I felt pain and sadness and it hurt. 


AT ALL!

I'm still grieving the loss of my great aunt
and also my grandmother [5 years later]. 

Yesterday I finally crumbled

It took all day, but it happened. 

We're talking CODE RED. 

I know everyone grieves their own way
and that sometimes grieving is delayed

I also know I could have talked to someone,
anyone, some of you even.
[and THANK YOU to those that reached out yesterday,
after my super late post. I appreciate the thoughts
MORE THAN YOU KNOW]

But that would have only made it worse.

I didn't need to hear the:
it gets better
she's in a better place
she'll always be with you
your birthday is special
you will be okay
blah blah blah.

THIS I KNOW!

THIS I UNDERSTAND!

BUT, I was still [and even now am] MAD!

And very very very sad. 

I couldn't get past the depressed feeling on my own,
so on my way to my hair appointment
[which I DID NOT WANT TO GO TO]
I called Babyspice and just bawled.

I felt so badly doing that to her though,
because having a loved one crying on the phone
is probably the hardest thing ever.

So, SORRY Babyspice, I just had to cry.

She listened, let me cry and understood.

Once the floodgates opened, the pressure was released
and I was able to enjoy the sunshine
and ACTUALLY SMILE
for the first time that day.

Am I back to normal, NO!

Am I feeling better and closer to myself, YES!

I expect to have my emotions up and down for a bit.

That's how I operate.

For now though, I'm choosing to be and happy to focus on
the wonderful life that was lived
and the milestone I'm about to reach
in my life.

TODAY, I'm LOVING...

...my new haircut. It's fresh, it's fun and it's fly.
Inspiration
...how much C likes my new DO

...my family. We fight a lot but in tough times we rally.

...the fact that my bday party is FRIDAY! WOOT

...the idea of BIRTHDAY cupcakes


...that I bought my wedding dress last weekend.  

...the fact that my hair/makeup wedding appointments are booked.

...these easy and tasty chips.



...my new Clarisonic and the fact SportySpice likes hers.

 ...the fact C bought me one for my birthday, but lost it in his apartment. YES, that's just funny and I LOVE the fact he remembered I mentioned wanting a Clarisonic once in passing conversation. He's a good one I tell ya.



 

10 comments:

Nikki said...

LOVE you!

Hope your birthday celebration rocks!

Jenn said...

I must have been trying to comment when you updated this with a pic of your cute new 'do (cuz I was gonna ask where the pic was! haha) I love it--super cute, and super you! Will look great in photos for Le Wedding :)
So glad you're feeling better today! Sometimes a good cry sesh is TOTALLY what the doctor ordered.
Like I always tell you, I'm here for you if you ever need ANYTHING!

SHAYNA said...

Aww girlfriend I am so SO sorry for your loss! You're right, nothing anyone says can or will take the pain you feel away. I will say that in my experience of losing loved ones, especially my mom, just when I think I've got it under control, BAM! Something happens, I see/hear something that reminds me. Stay strong though. Lean on the Lord as He will guide you through this pain. Hugs to you friend!

Kristen @ All In My Twenties said...

SO sorry you were so sad! I hope your heart feels better quickly!! Have a great birthday pretty girl!!

Illegally Blonde said...

Glad you are feeling better. Tears often are the best remedy, very cleansing.

Tori G said...

So glad to hear that you are feeling better! I love the new do and hope you have a very happy birthday!

Carolyn said...

So sorry that you were so sad yesterday! Love you friend! And that hair cut! ADORABLE! :) Details on the dress please!!!!!!!

Dabbling in Dixie said...

Love your hair!!!!

Dabbling in Dixie said...

Love your hair!!!!

Amy Powell said...

so sorry about your week! Hope it gets better :) happy Wednesday!

xoxo, Amy @ Interpret As You May