The Sun Shines BRIGHTEST after the Rain

And yesterday it did rain. 

Not in DC, but in my heart and my life. 

I felt pain and sadness and it hurt. 

I was upset and didn't want to talk to anyone. 

AT ALL!

I'm still grieving the loss of my great aunt

and also my grandmother [5 years later]. 

Yesterday I finally crumbled. 

It took all day, but it happened. 

We're talking CODE RED. 

I know everyone grieves their own way

and that sometimes grieving is delayed. 

I also know I could have talked to someone,

anyone, some of you even.
[and THANK YOU to those that reached out yesterday,
after my super late post. I appreciate the thoughts
MORE THAN YOU KNOW]

But that would have only made it worse.

I didn't need to hear the:

it gets better

she's in a better place

she'll always be with you

your birthday is special

you will be okay

blah blah blah.

THIS I KNOW!

THIS I UNDERSTAND!

BUT, I was still [and even now am] MAD!

And very very very sad. 

I couldn't get past the depressed feeling on my own,
so on my way to my hair appointment
[which I DID NOT WANT TO GO TO]
I called Babyspice and just bawled.

I felt so badly doing that to her though,
because having a loved one crying on the phone
is probably the hardest thing ever.

So, SORRY Babyspice, I just had to cry.

She listened, let me cry and understood.

Once the floodgates opened, the pressure was released
and I was able to enjoy the sunshine
and ACTUALLY SMILE
for the first time that day.

Am I back to normal, NO!

Am I feeling better and closer to myself, YES!

I expect to have my emotions up and down for a bit.

That's how I operate.

For now though, I'm choosing to be and happy to focus on
the wonderful life that was lived
and the milestone I'm about to reach
in my life.

TODAY, I'm LOVING...

...my new haircut. It's fresh, it's fun and it's fly.

Inspiration

...how much C likes my new DO

...my family. We fight a lot but in tough times we rally.

...the fact that my bday party is FRIDAY! WOOT

...the idea of BIRTHDAY cupcakes

Source: thehiddenlist.com via Elizabeth on Pinterest

...that I bought my wedding dress last weekend.  

...the fact that my hair/makeup wedding appointments are booked.

...these easy and tasty chips.

Source: tablefortwoblog.com via Pinky on Pinterest

...my new Clarisonic and the fact SportySpice likes hers.

 ...the fact C bought me one for my birthday, but lost it in his apartment. YES, that's just funny and I LOVE the fact he remembered I mentioned wanting a Clarisonic once in passing conversation. He's a good one I tell ya.