September 18, 2014

Real Talk: Relationships

 Relationship...

That's a fun word, huh? Whether they are romantic, familial or a friendship, relationships are what make the world go round and what can make the world stop spinning when they end. I've seen many a post about all relationships around the blog world recently and thought, for once, I'd add in my two cents.

Sometimes people come into our lives forever, and sometimes, just for a page. You can either accept the changes gracefully or sulk, stress and flip out. We've all had that relationship that didn't pan out. That one guy who broke our heart and 'ruined' us for a bit. But, then we grew up, we moved on and we had our own life. Which, is great and wonderful, so don't look back. Cyber stalking an ex isn't healthy, especially when you wish 'bad' for them. Obviously, we want to be doing better than that 'awful' person, but harboring ill thoughts and bad wishes only hurts YOU...not them.

And I'd bet we've all had that friendship that ended, for whatever reason as well. The college best friend that chooses her sorority of you. The girl you've known since elementary school that one day just decided to stop calling you back. Or you've been caught in the cross-roads of deciding whether or not a friendship is too much work or too stressful to be in anymore. Personally, as I've gotten older I've become a lot less tolerant of petty drama and BS. I used to be the constant over-looker, forgiver and 'hey don't worry about it' friend. But then I realized, I only get one life to live and people that don't make me a better person really doesn't need to be involved in my day to day. So, I've become the dropitlikeitshot kinda of girl and am a huge advocate for everyone else to do the same. [sidenote: I get that family is it's own beast and sadly, sometimes we have to keep toxic relationships, purely because they are blood. #stinksIgetit].

Obviously, if there are ways to work things out, then by all means, do what you need to do to make it right and get life back on track. But, sometimes things aren't worth mending and then it's just time to move on and let go. Will you have one less friend [or maybe more]? Yes, but you also won't be surrounding yourself with people you don't care for, or that honestly don't care for you. As I've grown up, the phrase 'quality over quantity' has become my mantra and I'm quite happy with the close-knit group of friends I have around me. Now, I'm not saying that big groups of GOOD friends aren't quality. I know many people that have large groups of incredibly close friends that uplift each other and support each other no matter what and I think that's wonderful. However, I've chosen NOT to force the LARGE group, just for the sake of having a bunch of people to call my 'friends'. People that constantly cut me down are not the kind of people I would want to be around, even if losing them meant losing people I've known for awhile. To me, the heartache and the drama just isn't worth it anymore, so I've removed what I don't need and moved on. Sometimes it takes longer than expected to move on, but trust me, letting it go and getting on with life is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Being upset with someone is fine and human nature. Continuing to talk badly about them, not to their face is a bit hypocritical if that's your issue with them...a lil pot, kettle and black no? #whatsusiesaysaboutsally
[source]
Bottom line, live your life happy and drop what doesn't make you happy. Things might be weird at first, but I'd bet a gobzillon dollars, once the stress is gone you'll feel a ton better. As you read in my bio "life's too short to be anything but happy".

What are your thoughts on relationships and ending? Are you the constant forgiver, or the one that just walks away? Do you actually walk away or still mull it over long after it's over? What advice do you give friends when they are in a tricky relationship situations?

16 comments:

BLovedBoston said...

I think as we get older we have a lower tolerance for people not respecting us and acting the way we act towards them - it's at that point I cut people out. People grow up apart, as you said it's life. Relationships,the romantic kind, take work whether you are married, dating or single...you have to give it your all every day!

Pamela {Sequins and Sea Breezes} said...

I could not agree more with this! Back in the day I used to bend over backwards to try to make everyone else happy and now I try harder to make myself happy. I definitely don't lose sleep over lost friendships now, especially if they're worse losing.

<3, Pamela
sequinsandseabreezes.blogspot.com

Tori G said...

It is absolutley quality over quantity. There also is a line, you have to realize when to forgive someone and when you are being walked all over or taken advantage of...if you are being taken advantage of, that is obviously not a friend and it is best to let that person go.

Julia said...

I definitely tend to be a doormat with people, just like you said the whole "hey, don't worry about it" approach, but I'm slooowly learning how to say no and speak up for myself! Definitely agree with quality over quantity!

Nadine Lynn said...

I think one of the hardest life lessons as an adult has been that the people who were your "best friends" for many years...are usually the people that will disappoint you the most and you will no longer be friends. It happens to all of us, we all lose a relationship we never thought we would. It is sad, but it happens. I used to be the person to let people walk all over me, always give more, etc....I am trying to not be that person anymore! Life is no fun living as a doormat.

Kristen said...

I am kind of a mix of both, I let people walk over me sometimes because their friendship outweighs the bad stuff about them, does that make sense? it's when the bad outweighs the good that I walk away. Aint nobody got time for drama.

Mree said...

I decided earlier this year that I was going to get rid of all the negative people in live and I wasn't going to let "friends' walk all over me anymore. I use to be the constant forgiver but I'm not any longer. You either are my friend or you are not. I have no problem closing the door now.

Tricia Coniglio said...

I LOVE this post!!! As I have gotten older I have gotten busier and partying hasn't been the same priority that it used to be. I get less phone calls and less invites than I used to and it bothered me for a while. til I realized that everyone still living the party scene will be doing just that in 5 or 10 yrs. I will have built a much better surrounding for myself while working on my goals.

In the meantime, I have learned who my REAL friends are. And those friends are way better than my big group of friends. My big group is still fun to go out with but they are more like acquaintances than real.

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

I definitely walk away. Everyone is going to have bad days... but being treated poorly CONSISTENTLY by someone just isn't cool. You're only allowed in my life if you're going to add something POSITIVE to it!

Tif @ Bright on a Budget said...

I have a hard time walking away, but it's gotten easier as I've gotten older!

Tif @ Bright on a Budget
www.brightonabudget.com

Lisa Loves John said...

Totally agree with you - quality over quantity... I feel like sometimes people just grow in different directions, and although nothing "happened", certain friendships just fizzle out

Wild Hearts + Green Tea said...

Awesome post! Very well-written and accurate. It's always so interesting thinking about this. I love believing that whoever we've crossed paths with in our lives, it was for a reason (whether they were meant to be a blessing or a lesson.)

MakeMeUpMia said...

Amen girl, something that has definitely come into play more the older I've got. I've realized, it's ok to let friends or people go sometimes. Sometimes you just aren't going to work. Quality over quantity for sure.

Illegally Blonde said...

This is so true. Hard, but true. I lost one someone who I thought was one of my best friend's while going through my divorce. she just stopped calling and was too caught up in her own life to see that I needed her. It was through this that i found who my real friends are and how important the quality is. I have also realized its not about who is cool or fun or what not, its about who you want to spend your time with and whether that is reciprocated. I am so gosh darn blessed to have some awesome friends near and far (cough cough) who I know are real. I think its good though to see when its time to end a friendship for both parties, as both will be better off without each other. Love you.

Brittany said...

I am the type that will drop friends when the friendship becomes too much. Either too much effort from me and or too much stress. The thing that sucks is that my boyfriend and mom feel differently and tell me that I have too high of standards and am exclusive. I disagree because I only do this if it happens over time. I am not going to be continually putting my all into something the other person hardly cares about ya know?

Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

when you get to old hag status, you become well versed in the art of seeing through bullshit. i have zero time for any relationship that is anything less than positive and i have no problem dropping bitches who have no respect for me or our friendship. same goes for dudes.

that said, i am fully aware that sometimes, relationships just don't work out. either you and that person find yourselves no longer having anything in common through no one's fault; that's just the way life is sometimes and i'm ok with that. i'm ok with letting a friendship run it's course; maybe one day we'll meet again and things will be different but i have no ill-will towards anyone...i know that things like that happen for a reason and maybe we're just at different points in our lives.