I'm Afraid to Tell You

As bloggers we for the most parts are open books. Sure, 90% of the time we only share the rosy here but no one wants to read the mundane blahs everyday. However, I know I keep things from y'all because even though we have a friendship through reading we don't 'know' each other for the most part. There are things we all hide, that we are afraid to share and put down on paper or computer. But today, I'm doing something scary and telling what I've always been afraid to share here.

I'm afraid to tell you...

I'm a huge grudge holder.You cross me once, I'll forgive you but I won't forget your action. And I might make you pay for it down the road, way after the fact. Is it nice, nope, but after being a constant forgiver growing up I realized I don't like being walked all over so I'll make you pay. I'm even worse at holding grudges for my family and friends. Yes, you read that right, FOR my family and friends. If you hurt them, I'm the first one to mention cutting the bad and moving on with life.  

I suck at math. Like am really bad at it suck. Like have to use a calculator all the time suck. Like adding annoys me suck. I used to be good at math growing up, but a 7th grade math teacher really took the joy out of it so I stopped paying attention and now I'm here sucking at math. I have a free math practice app on my phone because I want to get better.

I have no problem cutting people out of my life if they aren't worth my time. Life is too short, I don't need drama about Facebook or blog posts and I certainly don't need constant negativity cluttering up my joy. Peace out, cub scout.

That I cheat on my healthy lifestyle more than I admit here. No one's perfect, and I don't think anyone expects me to be perfect in my eating habits. But, sometimes I don't want to share the bad food I eat because I try to be an example of clean eating. I'm sure no one here cares, but sometimes I don't post food because it's not healthy at all.

Manipulation is something that comes easy to me. I like to get my way and will try and make it happen whenever I can. When I was younger I was much more ruthless, but even though I'm not as bad now I still manipulate people to get what I want. I know when to turn on the charm, when to go cold, when to not include people and when to just act like nothing is wrong. Clearly this isn't nice or a good habit, but it's something I revert to when I don't like a certain course of action that is taking place.

I occasionally read GOMI. I know I shouldn't because most of the comments are way too mean, but sometimes I go there to make sure I'm not the only one seeing crazy things with big time bloggers. I don't participate in the snark, but I'll still read the threads.

The Hunger Games series has always seemed disturbing to me so I won't read it or watch the movies. I know, call me crazy but I have never been on the HG bandwagon. Babyspice read the books when they first came out and tried to get me on the train but when she told me the premise I almost threw up. I understand Katniss is a great role model for young girls, [especially compared Bella of Twilight] but, the thought of kids killing kids makes me literally sick to my stomach.

I think I'm on the verge of losing one of my best friends and am not fighting for the friendship anymore. It's become more and more obvious that we are two different people on two different paths and while that normally would make me sad, now I see it's just life. [this was a hard one to share because I know there are those out there that would judge this decision. Or use the word karma as a way to wish bad things on others. #yourenobetter]

Nine times out of ten I'll choose a Disney repeat over a new just released movie. Total child at heart here. I like watching happy Disney movies because I know what happens and can sing/talk along with my favorite parts. When I watch a new movie I never know how I'll feel about it and I hate being scary surprised. Plus, I own many Disney movies so I don't have to pay for them like I do for current movies.

I can be a silent judger. I'll listen and smile to your face but I'll internally make my own judgements. Sometimes it's just as small as thinking "this is totally going to backfire, but I'll let you figure it out on your own" or "Interesting you're commenting on blogs at 6am when you're on vacation on an island, what are you trying to prove?". And then there are the big judgements I make in my head and keep to myself because I know my opinion isn't going to be received well.

My political affiliation. I don't pay attention to politics enough to keep up with new legislation or the ever changing social political scene, so I don't like to engage in political debates.. I've always associated with a certain party, but it's not something I want to talk about. I'm proud of what I believe, but I don't feel like defending why I believe what I believe.

I wore a 00 until four years ago. So yes, I know I'm tiny and petite but I'm no longer a size 00 and that size jump has taken a toll on my self confidence. I get mad when people don't understand that going up from a 00 to a 2/4 is just as tough as going from a 6 to 8/10. Sure I'm smaller than many women but adding on an extra 5/10 pounds is just as noticeable if not more on my frame. When people find out HOW small I used to be they often don't feel that I can relate to them which baffles/frustrates me to no end.

What are some things you're afraid to tell people or blog about?

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