November 19, 2013

Tough Talk Tuesday: LC vs Heidi

Okay I know what you are thinking. 

The girls from The Hills = Tough Talk?!?!
Are you smoking crack?!?

No, I'm not, let me explain.

This isn't regarding the stupid drama on the show,
but rather the pivotal moment in LC and Heidi's friendship.

The tough moment where the best friend doesn't approve
of the other best friend's boyfriend and tells her to her face. 

And then all friendship hell breaks loose.

Y'all know what I'm talking about right?!

So what is the right thing to do as a best friend?

I know we've all been there in some way.

You have a good friend that stays in a relationship that is bad for them, just because they don't want to be alone. Or they keep toxic friendships because they don't want to rock the boat. Or they keep going back to the same bar, to look for mister right and then get upset when it doesn't work out. So you listen to the drama and say the right words to make them feel better, when what you really wanna do is tell them the truth, but you don't because you don't wanna ruin the friendship.
It's their life and if they make bad choices, keep bad people in their life, or continue to make the same mistake over and over again, it's our job to be there pick up the pieces and tell them it's okay.

That's what being a friend is about right?!?

But what do you do when you KNOW with every fiber of your being
they are making a big mistake?

Or are about to make a bit mistake.

One that you think will bring big repercussion down the road.

Do you bite your tounge, let them carry on with the charade and then when it all falls apart [like you KNOW it will] you just pick up the pieces without saying "I told you so"?

Or, do you put your best friend big girl pants on
and tell them the truth?

That the decision they are making is wrong and they are just acting out of desperation?

That going back to someone doesn't mean that they have changed
and things will be different this time around?

Personally, I think that speaking the truth is the best thing to do,
as long as it's done with tact
and accomplanied by the phrase
"I'm here to support you no matter what,
but I just have to let you know how I feel".

And while I THINK speaking the truth is the best idea,
I am 100% guilty of just saying what I know my friend
wants to hear, because it's not worth
the hurt feelings.

Looking out for a friend is hard because sometimes you
HAVE to say the things they don't want to hear,
because YOU are supposed to be there for them.

And often 'being there' is only acceptable if it's
doing what the friend wants/needs/expects.

How do you know when a friendship is strong enough
to withstand an 'intervention' or 'tough talk'?

The truth could save them from lots of heartbreak,
but it could also turn a friendship into a mess.

Example A:
What are your thoughts on best friends and tough situations?

Do you hold your tongue or do you speak the truth?


Jenn said...

I think you have to say what you feel is right, but like you said, with tact. Not in a "mothery" you have to listen to me cuz I know everything kind of way. More of a "I understand you're going to make whatever decisions you're going to make, but I feel like I need to look out for you and say...."
If your friendship is strong enough, they will listen, take what you have to say, and use it however they want/need to. Without ending your friendship. That's my experience anyway. But I always worry about the same things and often times go "don't hate me for saying this..."

Helene said...

i was actually thinking about this the other day. im not sure what is right or wrong but I think you need to say SOMETHING!

Kristin said...

I was in this situation TWO different times with my bestie, and it SUCKS. I would sort of raise the red flags in our conversations about both boys but ultimately she had to figure it out on her own. Then of course after each of the relationships ended she was like "WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME?" I tried woman!

Vicki said...

While I may try to hint at or lightly discuss my opinions, I think everyone has to make their own choices and learn from their own mistakes. So my choice is usually to bite my tongue. Because, sometimes people surprise you and end up not being who you thought they were good OR bad.

Monica L said...

I try to keep a combination of both and I really think it depends on how close your friendship is. Some people don't ever really want to hear the truth though so if you do then you might risk losing them.

Jamie said...

I almost always speak the truth. I don't think it ever makes a difference but I speak it anyways.