April 19, 2016

If The Worst Were to Happen {Getting Real Here Today}

If you're looking for a happy post, click the lil red x right now. Today I'm getting heavy and that might not be the head space you're in right now. No worries, no hard feelings, I'll catch ya later.

Today I'm talking about death and dying. Not the normal Pinky topic right? And I'm talking about if the worst were to happen to me. YIKES! Again, probably not what you would expect while I'm gone on vacation, however this is a topic that has been weighing heavily on my mind since we decided to take our long vacation.

Death scares the crap out of me. Even though I am a Christian and believe in Heaven and seeing my God when I leave this world the concept flat out freaks me out. I can't think about it too much at one time because it is just too much for my brain [which is why this post was written in installments]. I've always had a hard time when people die because it hurts me so much that they are gone from here. I can't touch them, talk to them, see them or smell them. They are all in my heart and memories but no longer tangible. So we comfort ourselves saying 'They are no longer in pain. They are in a better place. They would want us to be happy', which is probably true. However, we will never KNOW unless they left us something to go off of when they leave.

I vividly remember reading a story in the newspaper when I was 12 about a young girl my age killed in a freak car accident. The sadness over a life cut short wasn't what stayed with me, but the fact this girl had written a letter a few months before to her family in the event something tragic happened to her. I was floored she had the wherewithal to put a pen to paper for her family and I knew I wanted to do the same thing. So I scrounged around for some stationary and spent over an hour writing this letter to my family 'just in case'. And then I hide it somewhere I can't remember because I didn't want anyone to find it while I was still alive. I didn't want people to think I was morbid or weird. Which some of you might be thinking right now, which is 100% okay, I'm totally weird.

With the bombings in Paris, Turkey and Brussels my concern for our well being has grown and let's not even talk about my fear of flying combined with my fear of non US carriers. Our trip has us on seven flights which is seven time of almost debilitating fear in the air. This is something I am working on, it's just taking a lot of time to get to a point where take off doesn't cause my face to go white. But, I digress. I am excited to experience a new country and learn new things however I also know the world we live in is no longer as safe as we think. Sometimes people are just in the wrong city at the wrong time as terrorism continues to spread.  While it's scary to talk about and imagine, doesn't me we should take steps to prepare for the worst.

I spoke with the BOFF and Babyspice about POA and living wills, however we weren't able to find someone who could see us on such short notice [ooops]. I downloaded a springing POA though and gave it signed to Babyspice. You might shudder with my lack of buttoned up business, however our families [Le Husband's and mine] are close enough that I am 100% confident everything would be split as it should.

But the assets and physical things are not what trouble me, rather the emotional burden we assume when those we love leave us. I do not want those left behind to question anything emotional. I know I am loved and I know they know I love them. To ensure there are no questions, I've written my family a note which I will give to my father with instructions not to open. When we get back safe and sound I'll take it back and burn it because it will no longer be relevant.

If the worst were to happen...

... I would want my family to know how much I loved them and how much fun our family is together.

... My hope would be that they would not grieve too long, but remember with joy the time we had together [easier said than done, I know. Pretty sure I would lose my job for not showing up if the roles were reversed].

... I'd want a big party after my funeral. With dancing music, champagne flowing and jokes about me being stupid. There is a time to grieve and be sad, but my personality is sooooo much about fun that I would hate people sitting around being sad for an extended period of time.

... I would want my name to be spoken without weight and sadness. I would want it to be spoken like effervescent bubbles in a bottle of champagne. There

... my wish for all friends and family is to know each and every single person made an impact on my life and I am grateful to everyone for all the lessons, good and bad, learned along the way. .

... I would want everyone to know that I will keep loving them and being with them like the waves in the ocean.
[source]

Do you have a will? Do you have a note written somewhere if the worst were to happen? Have you ever thought about what you would say? Am I the crazy bird up here in blog land?

23 comments:

emily @ a little bit of emily said...

I have definitely thought of this. I love that you would want a celebration - that sounds like it would be the perfect way to celebrate your life. Hope the trip is going well!

kerri @ cheshire kat said...

oh sweetie. all the weight - and sometimes it's good to write it all out. i have a fear of flying that's gotten worse the more i fly - who knew? but alas. sending all the good and happy thoughts and hope you're enjoying your trip!

xoxo cheshire kat

Chelsea said...

I have this fear all the time. Now that I have a little one it scares me even more to think what if something happens, would she be ok, etc... It's scary world these day
Chelsea @ http://thewilliamsjourney1.blogspot.com

LMW said...

I'm crying. I know you will be fine and I am glad you did at least the POA. Love you. And I will make sure we have plenty of champs and bubbles!

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

It's important to know what you want and for others to know your wishes at all ages - you never know what could happen. 99 percent of the time nothing will, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared.

Actually anything in writing that's signed and sent to someone else will hold up well. So you've already covered yourself like that and now you've covered yourself like this.

I hope posting this got a load off of you and you can go forward and enjoy.

Rebecca Jo said...

This totally choked me up - but it so needs to be talked about more often. People talk about death & everyone closes up, but its GONNA HAPPEN - to everyone. So why not write those letters - or go over things you want to happen. I wish it were talked about more often. When someone does pass away unexpectedly, its worse NOT knowing what they wanted or wished for or thought about, I think.

& I always have thought about such things my whole life as well. Especially being a nervous flier, when I know I have to get on a plane, it really swells up all those emotions - hang in there girl.

Kate at Green Fashionista said...

I feel the same way about death, and as scary as it is we know that what's waiting for us after our time here is amazing beyond our wildest imagination. Love your list! Hope you're having an amazing trip, and can't wait to hear all about it <3
Green Fashionista

Georgia Glam said...

Its something I don't want to think or talk about, but it has to be done :/ I too want a party after my funeral!!! I hope that the pastor will allow "don't stop believin" to be played in the church because that is MY JAM and it has to be played haha!!! Weird? Probably. I will be praying for God to keep his arms around you and le husband during your travels, its going to be great! xo

Sierra: Beautifully Candid said...

I've definitely thought of this too, and while I know ultimately those that are believers and pass are so much better than us here on earth. But I find myself, especially now with kids, having a harder time with it. Mainly it's the tragedy and unpreparedness part. Enjoy your trip and while it's easier said than done, just know that everything happens for a reason. Beautifully Candid

Lindsay at Lindsay'sSweetWorld said...

You are most def not the only one who thinks of these things. When hubby and I planned our trip to LA a couple of years ago, we wrote a will and had it notarized in case anything happened to us while we were gone. We have two kids and we were scared to travel and leave them behind without one! It really is the smart thing to do.

I hope you guys are enjoying your trip!

Foxy's Domestic Side said...

You are definitely not alone in your thinking! I always think this too. I also always wonder if I died if anyone would care or notice I was missing...morbid right? I'm sure all things will be fine, but can never be too sure.

Carly Blogs Here said...

You are so not weird and I think this is something most people think about from time to time-- especially when you're going to do something that you find fearful (flying). I have really bad anxiety about flying-- even just an hour flight is really difficult, and there have been so many times I've not wanted to go somewhere really amazing because it's a long flight, so I think it's already such a huge step that you are living and not letting fear hold you back from exploring our beautiful world. Our days are numbered no matter where we are or what we're doing. I know you guys are going to have an amazing trip and I'm keeping you in my prayers <3

Emily said...

You know, this was a good idea to put in writing before you take off on your adventures although I'm certain you will be in good hands and return home with so many memories of your travels. Flying can be scary for me too so I hope you've been doing good so far!

Kristen @ See You In A Porridge said...

i have the same fear. i applaud your getting shit done and being responsible, but it is something i try to avoid and not think about to be honest. i am sure everything will be fabulous for you though and i cannot wait to hear all about how amazing everything was.

Katie Elizabeth said...

Beautifully written. I definitely have the same fears/thoughts about death and like you, just can't think about it too much or too often. I know you will be fine and will be back here sharing your adventures in no time! :)

Jen said...

This is such a real post and I love it! I think it's good to be realistic about things this will help you in your travels.

Nikki @ makeupHER said...

Oh girl, it must feel better to write it out, but still a real and scary part of life. I totally have the same fears that you do about death and dying. I totally want a party after my funeral too, but know if the roles were reversed I would not be in a party mood. I'll be praying for your safe trip and can't wait to hear about it all when you're back!!

Julie @ Just the Joy's said...

I don't think your weird at all! I have these same thoughts and fears quite often. Especially having little ones to leave behind. The world is such a scary place and I worry a lot! I love that you want your loved ones to celebrate. That's a great idea!

Cara (Kindly Unspoken) said...

I think death is a normal fear for everyone and I definitely struggle with coping with those who have gone on in my family. The one thing that does help me have comfort though is my relationship with Christ and knowing that one day we won't have to deal with pain and suffering and heartache anymore. Prayers for you and hoping you have a safe trip to Europe! :)

Owen Davis @ Davis Duo said...

Great post friend! I think about this often too and I totally agree with you about the champagne flowing at my funeral. Xoxo

Nikki said...

Girl this is all legit! Not only for your trip but life in general! Once I got pregnant it all got really real to me and I was balls to the wall about getting a will and life insurance and what not. I did not want any lose ends God forbid something were to happen to me after the baby was born. Michael was totally on board to. Now we both know in the instance that something terrible were to happen to both of us #babybigtruck would be taken care of and in the care of someone we trust to raise her as we would have. You my friend are not crazy at all!

Ever Emma said...

We've been avoiding making a will, which is so stupid of us. I'm not even really sure how to go about it all! We do have life insurance policies on all of us, so I guess we're halfway adulting. The thought of dying freaks me out. I believe similarly to you in an afterlife, but I still feel uncertain about it all. I think what I am most afraid of is that I won't get to die by my terms. I don't want to die as a victim of an act of terror. I don't want my last moments to be full of fear and confusion. Heavy stuff.

Lachelle Muse said...

I've been meaning to get a will written, so I thank you for this reminder post. You are 100% correct though, that when someone dies it's the emotions that need wrapping up more than monetary things. My mom left us in 2005 and I am still hurting. I can't express how much a closing letter would have meant to me.

Lachelle Muse @ Ernstam