September 30, 2011

To Whom It May Concern

Dear Rude Dude at the Post Office,
Homie, take a CHILL PILL! There is NO reason to act SO RUDELY to the post office worker. She was doing her job and doing it well from what I saw. When she offers you a faster service it is because she is TRYING to help you or that's PART of her job spiel! You seriously need to remove whatever stick is up your hiney and learn to be a nicer person. I promise your life will be MUCH happier when you stop being rude!
Sincerely, A disgusted onlooker

Dear Poor Post Office Lady,
I am SO SORRY for that rude guy you had to deal with. He must not have a very happy life don't you think?!?! There was NO reason for him to treat you the way he did, everything I saw you doing was to help him. I hope that me telling you to have a good day and acknowledging what a jerk he was helped your day a little bit. Keep up the good work, we like and need the Post Office!
Big Smile, A sympathetic Post Office Fan

Dear Bank of America,
HOKAY, ya'll are on my S$*# list right now. WTFrick is up with the new $5 charge a month for USING MY OWN DEBIT CARD!?!? Suuuuriously ya'll?!?!? I have sung your praises to all my friends because I really really really like your service and you have NEVER disappointed me in the past. But.now.this! A-R-E.Y-O-U.K-I-D-D-I-N-G?! This chick is gonna take out money every week and then use checks until I can find another bank because your CEO stinks! Truly, I can smell him all the way here in DC. Please take this back I don't wanna deal with bank change drama.
Unhappily yours for now, A VERY unhappy customer

Dear Tenant in Apartment #1 and her friend,
Please stop parking ILLEGALLY in the parking lot. I understand it's a PAIN to share one parking spot but gollywolly the REST of us do it. Get off your lazy behind and PARK ON THE STREET like everyone else. It's not more than 200 steps and I did it for 4 YEARS with my gym bag, purse, lunch bag and plenty of other bags. I THINK you can make it. Oh and do I need to teach you to read? Because I'm PRETTY SURE our landlord printed a page about parking policies and POSTED it yesterday. If you need lessons I'll be happy to oblige. FYI: I am making copies of this page and it WILL be put on your windshield EVERY.TIME you decide to park incorrectly. You are not only an inconvenience you are just being lazy and rude.
Get your ACT TOGETHER, a fellow tenant

Dear Kickerball teammates,
We leave for Vegas next week to compete for A CASH PRIZE! Get your hineys to practice tomorrow so we are READY and so we can WIN! I KNOW people have obligations (weddings, trips, family, blah blah) but watching a football game {I DON'T CARE if the tickets are free}, not wanting to play in the cold, wanting to sleep in and just being Layyy to the Z does NOT warrant not coming to practice. I didn't dish out all of this DINERO to come back not making a good run (FINAL FOUR IS A MUST) and I am doing my part. YOU BEST MAKE SURE YOU ARE DOING YOURS!!!! ps.com DON'T FLAKE!
BE THERE OR BE SQUARE, your teammate!

Dear Company I work for,
Keep your ish together so I CAN go on my awesome trip to Vegas. This has been planned since last year and I need TO GO!!! This is not just for fun, I have people COUNTING on me to be there. I have done EVERYTHING I can and am suppose to so please keep up your end of the bargain.
Don't let me down, Your employee

Dear Vegas,
PLEASE DON'T KILL ME
Living in fear and anticipation, A very excited tourist

Dear Disney,
Thank you for making such amazing movies! I love ya'll ever so much
Love your #1 Fan

Dear C,
HI lover bug, I can't tell you how excited I am to go to Vegas with you. It's gonna be the bomb diggity. There isn't ANYONE ELSE (expect you Babyspice) I would rather hang out with in Vegas. You have done an awesome job booking tickets and getting that super sweet deal on our hotel. I know we will have a blast and I look forward to falling even more in love with you and WINNING with you next week.
You have my heart, your meat head aka honey

Dear Bloggers,
Have a great weekend! Lovers you!
A happy reader and friend, PINKY!

2 comments:

Amanda said...

Wow these are all so hilarious! B of A is on my bad list too. I am constanty getting new debit cards in the mail with no notice saying "a number of accounts have been compromised". I think I've had at least 5 new cards this whole year!

Sarah D. said...

You obviously play for WAKA! Me too..but in North Carolina. Good luck in Vegas!!!!