Death Sucks, Healing Hurts, Family is Everything

Things have been a lil quiet here, huh? I wish with all my heart it was just because life is too busy, I don't have time or something of that nature. But, sadly, that is not the case. I've been quiet because I've needed space, time to process and time to heal.

Two Fridays ago, my father's mother, dearest Grandmama, went to be with Jesus. This time two weeks ago I was woken up by 645am texts of her fading fast and suddenly everything planned for the day fell away.  Suddenly I was booking a same day flight in hopes of making it to San Antonio before her final breath. Coordinating flights, plans and schedules all before my front desk job seemed like an eternity and a blink at the same time. Not being able to freak out with hugs from my family was so hard, talking through the phone instead of being there with them hurt, a lot.

My dad managed to get out early Friday morning to be with his siblings to help make decisions about health. Grandmama did not have an easy life and dealt with many medical issues and one thing two weeks prior began the deterioration that ultimately led to her last breath. In the blink of an eye, flights booked to say goodby became flights booked for a funeral. I honestly have NO IDEA how I made it through work that day. How I didn't just burst into tears every time someone asked me how I was doing or said 'smile, it's Friday'! Keeping it together was the hardest thing and I almost didn't make it through the plane rides. I wanted to lose it when my dad picked me up but it was midnight and I knew the last thing he needed was me sobbing so I was strong for him. But oh I wept quietly later. I'm forever grateful to my prayer warriors who covered me in grace and were there for me when I felt I was going to lose it.

The weekend was a blur of trying to figure out service arrangements, coordinating with family, tears, laughter, memories and so much food. I'm grateful my family gets a long so well and grateful for my incredible cousins. We were able to bond even tighter over this tragedy and shared some hilarious moments looking through pictures in Grandmama's home. The service was short, beautiful and heartbreaking. Watching my father and his two brothers cry tore me apart, and watching his sister cry hurt so much. I haven't felt that raw since my mother's mom's funeral.

Most of the time I'm a silver lining kind of gal, but I honestly find no silver lining in death. It is too final. It is too hard. It is too sad for me to be able to find the good. My FAITH leads me to believe in heaven and eternal joy with Him in His holy kingdom. FAITH brings me comfort knowing Grandmama is no longer in pain. Her body was so tired after struggling for so long and I find peace knowing her earthly battle is complete. But I am ANGRY she is gone. I'm once again ANGRY things took such a sudden and quick turn and there was NO preparation.

No time to remind her how much I loved her. No time for a last kiss, hug, letter, laugh or story. My last physical moment with her was at my sister's after wedding brunch. JUST TWO WEEKS BEFORE she was on the dance floor at the wedding. We had a few simple moments over the weekend and my heart just BREAKS knowing those were my last fleeting moments with her. Gosh, if I could do it all over I'd hug her and hold her so much longer.

I ache for my father and his siblings. I ache for their pain at losing a mother. I can't imagine it and won't even think about it right now. Losing a grandmother is hard enough for this lil heart. Every day since has been tough in it's own way. Right now some days are easier than others and some I just want to ball up and cry all day. I don't because I can't but that doesn't mean I don't want the world to stop. Death always thrusts that in our face, doesn't it? While we grieve and our world crumbles, the rest of the world goes about as if nothing has happened. It sucks!

Le Husband set up a trip last weekend as a semi anniversary trip and a semi clear your head trip and it did wonders for my mood and my heart. I still find myself not believing she's gone. I still berate myself for not writing her more letters or calling her more often. If you're reading this, REACH OUT TO YOUR LOVED ONES! DO IT NOW so you aren't in my place.

To those of you who've already reached out, THANK YOU! Your texts, messages, Instagram comments, Facebook words, phone calls and emails mean more than you could ever know. Death brings on feelings of isolation, but friends and family bring you back to the world. So, THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU!

As the pastor said in the service "The burden of death never goes away. You never get over losing someone. You just get stronger, day by day and soon you are strong enough to live carrying the burden of loss". Today is another day to get stronger, Pinky. Today is another day to get stronger.

Three Years Ago Today

We pledged our lives, our love and our hearts to one another. We said 'till death do us part' and 'in sickness and in health'. We agreed to forever be linked, to walk together through life and to support one another in everything and anything.

Three years,  my love. My, how far we've come. This year could be our busiest yet, with new jobs, a new city, possibly a new home and gasp, maybe even a new addition. While we've had our share of struggles, hard times, family deaths, sickness, fights, and stupid arguments, we've also enjoyed even more memories, trips, laughs, smiles, triumphs and good times than I can count. You are my heartbeat, my joy, my best friend and my forever partner. Thank you for choosing me for life, cheers to many more years of love, laugher and FUN! #threeyearsofourperfection #stucklikeglue

*year1*

*year2*

Here's a FOR REAL UPDATE {FINALLY}

Y'all, I did it. I got a post up like promised...a day late. But hey, it's what I got for you, haha.

Jobs: OH EM GEE, the bane of my existence. Seriously, searching for a job is the worst. I am BEYOND thankful to report Le Husband has had a job offer since mid August and so far things are going well, while slow. He will be working in is realm and I'm so happy to see him fulfilled and back to his old self. There will be quite a bit of travel with this job, but I'm okay with it since he's so happy. How about me you ask? UGH! I've had very little luck, I'm sad to say. I don't know what it is, but I think I'm missing that ONE lil thing with each position I apply for, however, I'm still trucking. Interesting enough, my gym is aggressively pursing me as a personal trainer which is flattering and scary at the same time. I'll be sure to keep you all posted, thanks for the continued well wishes and prayers.

FITNESS LIFE: Things in the BODYPUMP world ramped up quickly and I'm continuing to sub as many classes as possible. BIG news, I now have MY OWN class and possibly will have another one as well, how cool right? I've also signed up for an Advanced Module training later this month [which I am FREAKING OUT ABOUT ], in hopes of becoming an even better instructor. Oh and yeah, did I mention I passed 3/3 in my BODYATTACK Initial Training? Oh heck yes I did. Now I need to practice, practice, practice, film a video and hopefully become certified. ATTACK was much tougher for me than PUMP so I know this cert might take me a bit longer.

Tennessee Living: I LOVE TENNESSEE. Are we where we expected when we planned this adventure, HELLLZ NO! Things have taken way longer than expected but we're still choosing to believe in this choice and are starting make this area our new home. We've joined a kickball team and I met quite a few friends during ATTACK training, so we are slowly planting some roots. A church home is still to be found but I know the right one is out there. Oh yeah, the lake is still amazing.

Family: Blessed doesn't even seem to cover how I feel about my immediate or extended family. As mentioned before, we are way behind on our road map so yes, we are still living with my aunt, uncle and cousin. They have been BEYOND incredible and patient and have NEVER ONCE made us feel unwelcome or in their way. I know we are so lucky and I know many people do not have the same luck with family and I am so grateful. So grateful. I miss my family like crazy, though, which will never change. Babyspice just returned from a trip to Greece and I'm so sad I'm not there to welcome her home or do dinner to catch up on her adventures. Thank goodness for FaceTime.

Health: For the most part, things health wise have been right on the money. Until Tuesday. Then I randomly came down with a nasty virus, which I'm still dealing with today. Thank you all for your well wishes and suggestions [kathy, the tea was on POINT], I'm hoping to turn the corner quickly. Late Wednesday I was lamenting my health to myself [lame I know], but then I realized this was the FIRST bought of any kind of sickness we've had since we decided our new way of life. My biggest fear was getting sick in Europe and thankfully we came back to the US safe and healthy. Once we have insurance all squared away I won't be as worried about lil colds as I am now.

So there you have it, my life in lil blog post. Hope you enjoy a fabulous long weekend!

I Can't Post Today, I'm Sick {Cough Cough}

Remember that time I told you I'd have a life recap today? Yeah, well I lied. Big time. I had major plans to get home from work, grab a glass of vino and write a post detailing life here in Tennessee. I was stoked to finally link it up with Mrs "See You In A Porridge", but alas, the best laid plans.

And then the major sickys happened. I'm talking fever, chills, aches and sore throat. Super fun right? Not only did I have to work yesterday, I also had to teach BODYPUMP in the morning. For the third day in a row. With a mic that went out halfway through class so I had to shout. So, yeah, it was a no bueno day for this girl.

I left work and came home to delicious homemade soup a la Le Husband, but could barely eat a bowlful before I just had to go to sleep. I laid my head down on the pillow at 7pm and stayed there until the next morning. Thankfully my fever is gone, I'm just now dealing with a sore throat. Fingers crossed and prayers this isn't strep, because yeah, that whole insurance thing is no fun right now.

My plan is to finish up my post for tomorrow, hopefully the sickys stay at bay. And since y'all have been so patient with me, I thought I'd share one more wedding sneak peek of the famjam.

Wedding Wednesday: Sneak Peek!

Morning and HAPPY WEDDING WEDNESDAY!!!! Sportyspice married the MAN of her dreams on August 20th and it was the most incredible day celebrating their love. I was so honored to stand up as a matron of honor to bear witness to this wonderful love. 

It was a CRAZYPANTS week leading up to the festivities, though. We had blackouts [twice], people who never RSVPed texting and asking questions about the wedding, a planner who didn't QUITE get it and a few other minor odds and ends which had to be taken care of late into the night. I'd do it ALL again in a heartbeat, to ensure Sportyspice enjoyed her best day ever. I hope you enjoy a few of these sneak peeks!

I mean, could she be any more gorgeous?!?! I don't think so. It truly was the bestest wedding and I'm so thankful everything went swimmingly for our beautiful bride. Send her some happy vibes if you could, she's going to be living the single life for a bit while her Airforce husband is away at school.

Also, could you send me some healthy vibes? After hitting it hard for 21 days straight my body is rebeling and I'm fighting off a nasty fever and sore throat. There is no sick time in retail/fitness, so I'm trucking on as best I can. I miss y'all and will have a 'what's been going on' post tomorrow!

SportySpice Gets Married TOMORROW!

Another Friday, another post it seems. Not sure why this is my posting schedule, but I'm just gonna go with it. Sooooo, it's wedding week. I mean, it's the FRIDAY of wedding week. Sportyspice gets married T O M O R R O W! Wow, I mean, wow!

This week has been insane. Both in good ways and in meh ways, but isn't that the way of wedding week? I drove up to NOVA on Tuesday so I've been helping as much as I can to get everything set up. I managed to sneak away one night to have dinner with one of my besties and it was so much fun catching up. I have to admit, I feel like an outsider now with the traffic and everything going on where I used to live. Tennessee is so much more chill than northern Virginia and it's crazy three months later and I'm already OVER the traffic ;)!

While home I've managed to do some organizing of our things at my parent's house and put together another couple throw way and give away bags. Living in someone else's house really opens your eyes to what you need to get along. I can't remember the last time I went shopping for non workout or wedding related things. 

Speaking of wedding, the past two days have been a whirl wind. Not only have we been hitting it hard and taking care of business, we've also been dealing with two blackouts in two days! YES, two in two. Wednesday night we had a pretty severe thunderstorm, which is normal during the summer, but about 45 minutes in our lights just died and poof, blackness everywhere. Despite a few eeeeks, the Brady bunch was undeterred and we continued to pack welcome bags and finish up place cards in the dark. I even managed to get in a squat workout, too!

There was also a shenanigans leader who brought out the uhnce dance party in the kitchen and continued to make us laugh while we finished our assignments. The giggles helped keep the bride calm because, yeah, a black out three days before the wedding isn't necessary what you want.

You know what you also don't want? A RANDOM black out Thursday night of wedding week when you're hosting a family get dinner for everyone in town. We didn't want it, but we rolled with it for sure. This time the outage was due to a car hitting a telephone pole, causing a fire and a line to be cut. Clearly that person was having a worse day than we were but it was one of those 'REALLY' moments. 

Again, undeterred Mama B jumped in the car and drove to our church to finishing cooking the meal and we all sat down in the evening light to enjoy a meal. Thankfully the power came on before we are finished and I was ecstatic because I thought it meant lava cake for dessert. Sadly everyone was too distracted to make it so that will just have to wait until Sunday, drat. 

Today we will be getting our nails done, finishing up last minute things, rehearsing, eating dinner, meeting family for cocktails, putting the last touches on speeches and then tucking Sportyspice in for her last night as just a Brady. I'll be honest, it's a bit surreal to think in less than 48 hours she'll be married. I'm so thrilled for her and her fiancé and am hoping Saturday is their best day ever. If you have a moment, please send them alllll the good vibes and prayers. Follow me on Instagram here for fun pictures and snaps this weekend. I promise to show you all the good stuff ;)!

Hay, Y'all HAAAY!

Your eyes are not playing tricks on you, there is a NEW post here. Shocking, I know, but I've finally made some time for this poor neglected space. It's been hard being away, I miss reading about everyone's lives and interacting every day. I think I have a modified scheduled figured out going forward, however things could change on a dime so I guess we will see.

What have I been up to you ask? Well, I guess I'll tell you.

Last weekend was a doozy as Sporstpyce brought 15 of her closest friends down to Knoxville for her bachelorrette party. Yes, you read that right, 15 girls in my aunt and uncles house for a weekend. EGAD! It was a lot of work, a lot of planning and a lot of corralling but it was also a ton of fun and everyone had a blast. #stillneedmoresleep

I'm still working part time at the front desk for Gold's and teaching Bodypump. My body was all out of wak the first week of work as this experience is my first foray into anything retail or service. Standing for six hours is not a walk in the park [not that I thought it would be] and learning all the ins an outs took a bit longer than expected. I will say I am pretty good at greeting everyone with a smile ;)! This was my third week mixing in the front desk with teaching and my body [and mind] has finally found a rhythm. I've been doing a TON of subbing for BODYPUMP and will FINALLY be getting my own evening class at the end of the month. There has been a lot of positive feedback which makes me smile and there is also talk of me pursing a personal training certification which is mind boggling.

Searching for a nine to five job is still in the works and yes it's gotten a bit frustrating. Things that appeared to be moving forward have just stalled. Le Husband and I knew it wouldn't be easy to make this transition but there have been moments harder than expected. I'm praying for the right job or the right path and hope soon to have great news to share. Thank you all for your support, it means a ton. We're managing to keep our optimism and I truly believe this was the right move for us in this stage of life. The people here have been great, my family continues to be amazing and we are both slowly starting to find a tribe down here. Everything will come in time and this view always helps.

Sportyspice is getting MARRIED in eight days, OH MY GOSH. I'm so beyond excited, y'all! I'll be heading home next week to help get everything ready and I can't wait to celebrate her prefect day. Blogging will totally be sporadic next week, but I'll be popping in share some of the fun pictures.

The weekend after the wedding will be another busy one for me as I'll be pursing another Les Mills certification, BODYATTACK. Originally I had hoped to get CXWORX or BODYFLOW however those trainings are much further off and this one is right here in town. I've only taken two attack classes under my belt but an incredible instructor has offered to mentor me so I'm taking a HUGE leap and just going for it.

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Of course I can't sign off without talking about the OLYMPICS!!! Y'all know I'm an OLYMPICAHOLIC and it's honestly killing me to not be posting more about the events and everything down in Rio. Working at my old job I was able to stream events live and watch them live as well and right now that's not really an option. Thankfully I've caught all the big events in the evenings. Gymnastics has been phenomenal, swimming is rocking it and I cannot WAIT for all the track and field events. Let's GO, USA!

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Wow, that's a lot of stuff in one post. So, yeah, that's my life right now, haha. I hope you are all doing well, I miss you lots and lots and hope to do some jumping around today in blogland. Wishing y'all the best weekend! < 3