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March 10, 2010

It's blowing in the wind

Have you ever felt change was coming? But then are completely baffled when it actually happens? Has that ever happened to you? Cause it just happened to me.

Now, I know we all just met (not that anyone is reading this now, but I'm dreaming of actually having people read what I write.) but something in my personal life just took a dramatic turn.

Dramatics's cousin, Drama, and I don't get along very well, but I digress.

I have been dating my boyfriend, whom we will call GT, for the past 3+ months. Our 'how we met' story is a random but sweet one, which I might get into later. Anyway, the past few months have been wonderful, amazing and a real surprise. I am usually very guarded with guys (again a post for another day) but GT and I just clicked and became inseparable. This again, is unusual to my normal dating style because I like my alone time and I...okay P!nx, back to the subject.

Since November, I've learned what 'falling in love' really means and that all guys don't suck at life. I've learned to let someone love me and to open myself up to them. I've learned that being that mushy couple is cute and fun. I've learned love is fun. I've learned that wanting to be with someone every day, when reciprocated isn't bad. I've learned that I can survive on less sleep, but only choose to when I'm with him. I've learned that hanging out with the ring leader of friends makes me proud. I've learned that not every guy likes to play the '5 cheating with out consequences game'. I've learned I might change my views for a guy..SAY WHAT?!?!?!

I've also learned that not fighting in 3 months will lead to a very unpleasant surprise one night when you expect to argue over one subject and then are blindsided by an insanely different discussion. ***NOTE TO SELF: fighting isn't bad if you are trying to discuss problems. If you don't bring something up it doesn't just go away.*** I've learned that ACTIONS speak louder than words. I've learned how much I have grown to depend on someone. I've learned that not talking about the important things early because we don't want to worry about it, brings things to a halt real fast in the late stages. I've learned that the thought of losing GT has made me question some of my beliefs....and not for the better. I've learned that the day after a really deep argument is extremely hard because you still aren't 100% sure where everythings stands, and you don't want to rock the boat again.

So I sit here, as that girl, waiting for a response to an email.
That took forever to write.
That was 6 lines.
And didn't really say anything important.
But each ticking minute, speaks to other words unsaid.
And want to cry, because the wonderful love magic.
seems to be gone, in one instant.

So I also pray. For God's love,
His mercy,
His guidance,
and His strength.

And even as I do, I want to cry alitle more,
because as I pray,
I know GT isn't,
because he doesn't see Faith the way I do.
So while we are going to try,
because we aren't ready to let go.

I see the
of the clock.

And realize, maybe my prayers have been answered....just not the way I expected.


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