October 21, 2016

The Opposite of a Friday Favorite.

So what's happening? A whole hell of a lot and nothing at the same time.

This post is brought to you by multiple nights of no sleep as my brain fails to turn off. Or my body doesn't know how to deal with the stress of changes and real life adulting. My emotions have been all over the place the past few weeks as opportunities have arrived, which is great, but then things lined up so perfectly suddenly go helter skelter and it seems as though we are starting all over again...all over again.

Today is a day that brings about much anticipation, fear and almost a sense of foreboding. Today I find out where I will be working full-time. I had an offer made last week in an easier administrative position [set hours, full benefits, vacation, 401k] and the day before my interview another job was posted, one more in the wheelhouse I THINK I want. So I interviewed for that position earlier this week, it went well but the expectations were sky high, something I hadn't expected. The second position would require managing people, inventory, schedules, operations of the day to day and fitness classes. All with very little training before I jump into the deep end alone.

Originally I thought "this is it! I know what I want" yet now as the day grows closer and the hours tick away, I find myself wondering "do I want the easier job"? Honestly, I don't want to make the decision, I want it to be made for me. I don't want to look back and think 'damn, if only'. A lot of people have gone to bat for me at both jobs so one way or another I feel I might disappoint on top of everything else and that's never fun. The support has been incredible but so much support can be overwhelming if something doesn't workout.

Whatever the outcome I'll have an offer and I'll be starting something new very very soon. Which is good and so needed. Le Husband and I need some good news and something to boost our collective self esteem. Working part time and making peanuts is hard, so much harder than I expected. Putting paperwork together to apply to apartments or townhomes is not only tedious and frustrating, at this juncture it's almost a bit embarrassing. Looking at our collective take home punches me in the gut every time we crunch numbers. On paper we look like completely different people. No one seems to care about our savings, our investments or our available cashflow, all they want is 'what are you bringing in now' and right now that's close to nothing.

 I don't really know the point of this post. Well, actually I do. I just need to get the words out. Words I can just vomit here and not worry about how they are taken. Words I don't need to bog down my friends and family with daily. Words that once said sometimes seem to lose their power. These words and fears are out and now hopefully I can start finding the blessings again. This move was our choice and I'm clinging to hope things start to turn around...again.

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