The Weekend I Tried to Get Over It... And Couldn't

This weekend was supposed to be oh so great. A weekend in Dallas with Le Husband for the kickball championship. A chance to see my BOFF and her sweet family. When we made the random quick decision to play a tournament in NOLA in September I asked for time off with my front desk job. It was granted and all was well.

Then this job came about and I realized leaving the second weekend into the job wasn't the best idea. I don't WORK weekends, but I'm responsible for the staff that does and I figured I needed to be here since I'll be gone next weekend for a wedding and then I'm back in Virginia for Thanksgiving. I kew when I accepted THIS job I'd be saying no to Dallas. If I went with the other job it would have happened but been extremely short, which would have been enough for sure. Crazy to say, but going to Dallas was something I thought about when I made my job decision.

Originally I thought, 'No big deal. It's just kickball'. But as the date grew closer and I watched Le Husband pack up and head out on Friday night my brain started thinking 'What if'? What if they win and I'm not there? What if I had chosen the other job? What if I could be there? What if I decided to go anyway. I tried to stop the sad monster in my head. I worked the early morning shift Saturday morning, taught a great BODYPUMP class then headed to the VOLS game.

The weather was chilly but it was gorgeously sunny and the perfect last game [for me] of the season. I hung out later than normal, listened to the band on the boat next to ours and enjoyed hanging with T-Bone. It was a great distraction and one I desperately needed while receiving texts about the games in Dallas.

Saturday night was miserable. Le Husband was in Dallas winning a championship. Babyspice was in Toronto on a girls trip. Sportyspice was at the Garth Brooks concert. And Me? I was in bed, cold, sad and lonely as I live streamed the championship game and my team take it all. I was so proud of them, it was a long road this year and they worked SO HARD to make the repeat happen. Le Husband had great plays and I was proud when he kicked in a few runs. But, watching them run away with it made my heart hurt, I wanted to be there. I should have been there. I'd ALWAYS been able to go and now this ONE TIME, the one time I can't I miss out on the win and the money. SUCKS, just sucks.

I tried to let it go Sunday morning, but no dice. I called Sportyspice in tears on my way to church. I cried about missing out on the fun. I cried because I couldn't just take off work like I used too. I cried because it's cold now and I have NO winter gear. I cried because I'm cold all the time. I cried because I missed my family. I cried because it seems like EVERYONE ELSE HAS IT TOGETHER and right now I don't. It was no bueno. She did her sisterly job and helped me feel better, but I still lost it a few times in church. The message was something I needed to hear and helped me some, but I still was caught in the grey pity party clouds.

You may say, what, kickball ruined your weekend? You're crazy. And I'll agree with you. But, kickball is something that ruled my life for the past six years. I traveled MONTHLY with Le Husband and sometime the sissys for tournaments. I've put so much time into being fit, so much money into traveling and I was so excited to be 'rewarded' with a championship this year. I could feel it since September, I KNEW the team was going to win. And they did, without me. Le Husband won, without me. Ouch!

Despite not really wanting to go, I headed to the gym because I knew I needed to get some endorphins pumping. After a short set of heavy legs and pull-ups, I attempted a muscle up and shockingly completed one out of three. It wasn't pretty but I did it and now I know something I'll be adding to my routine weekly.

There was a 2pm BODYATTACK class and since I was there I decided to take it since one of my mentors was teaching. She invited me to shadow on stage and I thought "why the hell not?" so I jumped up on stage and just went with it. Even though I didn't know half the tracks I was able to rock it out and halfway through the class I had my epiphany. THIS IS THE WHY! THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE! THIS IS WHERE I NEED TO BE AND HOW I WANT TO LIVE! In between the burpees, tuck jumps, plyo lunges and pushups I found my why. There were some tears in the locker room as I continued to feel sad about a missed opportunity and I snapped this picture to show the truthful side of my life. It's messy, dirty, ugly, sad and tough, but now I'm renewing my commitment to my big girl goals. The path won't be easy but I will make it work.

I hope you have a great week, friends! Despite my bad weekend I'm sending y'all some good vibes and planning to crush this Monday. Let's all start the week fresh together!

Show Us Your Books

Finally, I made it here again! WOOHOO! I think my last books recaps was post Europe, egad. Honestly, there wasn't a lot of reading going on here throughout the early summer, which is quite unusual for me. For the first time in a long time, my time was spent outside of book world. Not anymore, I've been devouring books with a vengeance and finally got my act together to share them all with you.

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Speaking of finally, I FINALLY finished this book after starting it BEFORE OUR MOVE! Yes, I started it but wasn't able to finish it before it had to be returned, wah. I waited months and am so glad I was able to finish it recently. Wow, what story. Doerr crafted a true masterpiece and being in France just seven months ago made it that much more poignant to me. I have to admit, I was super sad about parts of the ending, I expected something a lil different, but such is the life of a reader. Get this book, ASAP!

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Murder mysteries are probably my favorite genre to read and y'all know I'm all about baking, so merging the two creates the perfect series. Joanne Fluke has created a wonderful heroine, based in Minnesota, and all of the characters have their special place in each book. Hannah is strong willed in her detective sleuthing, but she's always a bit haphazard when it comes to her love life and after 18 books it was getting a bit droll. However, Fluke finally has helped Hannah find her special someone and the murder in this book takes the cake, ha. I accidentally read this book before the previous one so was a bit lost at times with a few characters, however once I read it afterwards it all made sense. I also read two others finally available to rent from the library. If you want a fun fluffy series, one which will also give you some great recipes, give this one a whirl.

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When I need an easy read, I jump on the romance train real quick. There's something soothing about the romantic formula. Lori Foster brings her own spin to with the first novel in the Guthrie Brothers Series. Both Honor and Jason come with their own baggage, but sparks fly when Honor moves into the condemned house next door. There is the normal will they won't they pull and of course circumstances get in the way, plus the whole harlequin love chapters. Honor's stubbornness bothered me a bit, but other than that it was fun to read and will pass the time quite well.

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I'm not quite sure how I came about this book, probably just browsing the online library. The summary caught my fancy because it was different than most of the books I'd already read during the summer. The year is 1904 and an undercover Texas Ranger is thrown into the life of a switchboard operator as he tries to capture the gang leader of a group of outlaws. The heroine is quite likable, however her birding soapbox gets a bit old quickly. Gist provides a fun look into the small, but growing Texan town where propriety still reigns, even during a gang shootout.

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Fantasy books are really not my genre, unless you count Harry Potter. Sorcery, magick, time hops and  dragon fights serve a purpose in a cartoon but I rarely get past the first chapter in a book. However, Nora Roberts is one of my go to authors so I thought I'd give this series a try. Well, guess who read the last book thinking it was the first?!? Yup, this girl right here. Honestly, I'm glad because I met all the characters and know how it ends and I don't have to read the other books, haha. Don't get me wrong, it was well written and the characters were all fun, but the dreams, sorcery and spells turned me into a bit of a skimmer. If you like Ireland scenery, this would be a good series, Roberts paints glorious pictures with her words of the landscape.

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Baldacci is one of my favorite authors and Oliver Stone is one of my favorite characters. I'm a sucker for a good spy book, especially one with a back stabbing government and a couple do good vigilantes. Divine Justice picks up with Stone on the run and he takes refuge in Divine, Virginia where he happens to stumble upon a whole different problem. Baldacci keeps you guessing and I was only 3/4ths correct in my guess about the ending. If you like espionage books, check this one out for sure.

The Bess Crawford Mystery Series [ Four books]

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Bess  Crawford is my new favorite sleuth and this mystery series is my new favorite jam. If you're a Downton fan imagine a woman who favors Anna in looks, Mrs. Crawley in righteousness, Sybil in wanting to always help, Mary's wit and Edith's self doubt at times, that is Miss Bess Crawford.  She is a nurse during the first World War and I loved the throwback to the Downton era. Initially I wasn't sure about the series, however once the story got going, I couldn't put it down. I sped read four books in just a few weeks, and am waiting anxiously for the next one to become available from the library.

Call 9-1-1 and Other First Week Fun

Yes, nine-one-one my first week. The day I was the only manager on site, too. Good sign, bad sign, who knows sign, but it's over and I survived, phew.  #thankgoodnessitsover #talkaboutalearningcurve

The first week of management brought man things. It brought:

... early mornings waking up while it was still dark outside. 

... driving and witnessing the most beautiful sunrises. 

... helter skelter mornings as I tried to get as much done the first two hours of work before I had to be at the front desk for five hours. Luckily the gym is slower than others so I'm able to get a lot of paperwork done online.

... two days of barely eating because my body was still hurting from the previous week. 

... lots and lots of apple juice and water.

... multiple trips to the store for um...digestive aids. 

... two workouts at the gym during my lunch break.

... a whole cooler reset.

... fun moments of learning my staff. 

... moments of apprehension as I tried to understand each person's personality.

... a nine one one call when someone stole an employees car from out front of the gym. 

... my first incident report. 

... my overnight guy putting in his two weeks. Manager Pinky was able to wrangle three weeks, phew!

... not a lot of sleep but a lot of moments of accomplishment crossing off to dos.

All in all it wasn't horrible. Honestly, if I hadn't felt so crummy all week due to my gallbladder situation I would say it was a great first week. However, being in pain Monday and Tuesday made it tough to really concentrate on anything else, but I was able to hide the situation from everyone so I call that a win. By Friday it had all but subsided and thankfully I'm now back to normal. 

Speaking of back to normal, the weekend brought  me back to my Pinkyself and I was actually able to get out of the house and do things instead of just lay on the couch. It was a full weekend indeed.

Full of...

... tuck jump workouts and mirror work. Gotta keep the ups for BODYATTACK.

... beautiful sunsets that bring me peace each and every evening. 

... a wonderfully supportive card from my two beautiful sissys. #missewe

... another trip to the Vol Navy on Saturday for some Tennessee football with T-Bone.

... real clothes and my favorite jacket. 

... a special, special Starbucks treat I haven't enjoyed in a really long time.

All in all, a fun weekend...until I had to go shopping for black pants. My gym uniform is a black polo and black pants. The hiking pants I've been wearing are great for comfort, but not so great for the cooler weather coming our way. So, I headed to the local Old Navy for some inexpensive black jeans or khakis. RANT ALERT: CAN THE SKINNY JEAN FAD BE OVER SOON?!?! No one has boot cut anymore and NO ONE HAS jeans for short people either. I'm gonna check online, but I was sooooo annoyed after 45 minutes of trying on pants that didn't fit. RANT OVER!

I hope you all had a great weekend and enjoyed your extra hour of sleep. Not the biggest fan of the early dark evenings now, but the extra hour was such a nice bonus yesterday. Cheers to a great week for everyone, let's make it happen :)!

Six Months Later, Did We Make The Right Decision?

Here we are six months after Le Husband and I threw our lives into upheaval and moved states without jobs. Here we are far enough away from the beginning clarity is present. Clarity to look back and take stock in where we were, what we had, where we went to now where we are and what we are doing. Summer flew by faster than expected. The days were long, but the weeks were short and we have managed to have some fun while dealing with life. There have been new friends made, new traditions started and lots of time in the fitness world that I love. How could I think anything BUT the right decision?!

I mean, I'm sitting here, writing this in shorts, on a porch with this view. How can I complain? It's peaceful, beautiful, the perfect way to end an evening after a long day of work. With wine or a hot drink, it's the perfect spot.

Well, then you remember, it's not your house. Not your porch, not your view, not your mortgage. None of it is ours, except what we have in our room. Everything right now is a temporary situation and while we are GRATEFUL BEYOND BELIEF for family, it's sofreakinghard not having your own space.

There have been many sleepless nights. Many crying nights. Many arguments with God and with each other. Too many times to count I asked 'Did we make the biggest mistake of our lives'? Too many times I put on a brave face for everyone else, including Le Husband, but in my own quiet corner I cried in despair as things kept falling apart. We would get so close and then poof, gone.

Our dreams were so big, so much bigger than where we are now. I'll admit, I've cried because everything we dreamed about is not a reality. The jobs, the money, the home, the land, and the free time, not at all what I expected. Le Husband and I expected a house already, one with a yard and a decent amount of space. Not quite our forever home, but possibly the skeleton of our dream. We expected two jobs we enjoyed that would pay us half of where we were back home, because we did our research and saw multiple upon multiple job postings in our fields open before the move. Talk about being crushed day after day, week after week, month after month. It has been some of the hardest poundings I've ever experienced and my body is still suffering from the stress.

Sharing this here is tough and scary. One, I know there are people out there who feel vindicated we didn't get everything we wanted right out the gate. Two, sharing a goal and not reaching it is never a fun feeling. Three, exposing our true lives to the world offers a different look many choose not to share because it is so raw and so real and so messy. But, such is life. Even if we had stayed we would have failed at something. Or life would have knocked us down in an unexpected way. Life happens no matter what you do, at least the troubles of the past few months were brought on by a choice.

We would have failed without family. 100%. The overestimation of applying for new employment and gaining new employment would have done us in if we were living in a hotel or forced to sign a lease immediately. Money could have run o ut. Patience WOULD have run out. And egos would have been bruised too badly to mend, of this I am sure.

Back to the question, did we make the right decision? Hesitantly I say yes. Working a full-time job, with benefits, has brought on a new sense of hope. Without my job I would hands down say no, we jumped the gun. I believe we would have continued to muddle through, but with a feeling of failure and desperation. We would have settled which completely negates the move in the first place.

Last week was tough as I feared the worst with my new job. However, my loving sisters pointed out how MUCH had to fall into place for me to be in the position I am in right now. The gym I taught at HAD to have needed Front Desk Associates. My manager had to be understanding, engaging and encouraging. There HAD to be people who believed in me and my possibility. A job HAD to open up within the correct timeline. Someone HAD to be willing to take a chance and I had to be willing to accept a challenge.

Which is what the rest of this year and most of 2017 will be, a challenge. Learning new job responsibilities, creating tighter budgets due to smaller incomes and figuring out how to deal with life is what I see in the next six months. Hopefully, the next update will more upbeat and positive. I pray I'll lustily shout out YES, THIS WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE next blogpost, because things will have fallen more into place. That is my hope. That is my goal. That is my dream.

[source]

C U R R E N T L Y

starting: my new job! thank you again for all the love last week and yesterday. monday was a bit of a hullabaloo because the woman I replaced decided to cut out early...oh.okay, yeah thanks! yesterday I had a plan and it immediately changed when someone couldn't make a class, at least it hasn't been boring.

discovering: how much I love fall in the south. yesterday temperatures were in the high 70s, yeehaw!

celebrating: the small vicotireis in life. sometimes when big things bog us down [health issues, job issues, insurance issues, looking for a house issues] it helps to celebrate the small, daily victories. today I celebrate the beautiful sunrises and sunsets this week, pictures to come.

reading: lots of fun books in my small amount of free time. it is my GOAL to link up for show me your books this month. MUST.GET.POST.DONE!

listening: to the My Favorite Murder Podcast, which is so fetch. I started listening really early, back around the six episode and it's incredible how this phenomenon has exploded. Any fellow murderinos out there?

wearing: a uniform of all black. kind of bummed I can't justify new, trendy clothes anymore :(!

googling: medical issues, hello WEBMD!

linkinguphere

The First Week Begins

Friends, HI! Thank you so much for the love last week. Seriously, each and every comment here, on instagram, Facebook, in emails, texts and calls made my day. Friday the 21st was a whirlwind of emotions and then all of a sudden it was Monday and I hit the ground running. 

Last week was hectic beyond belief as I finished out my one week [more like three days] as a front desk associate and then spent two days at my new club learning from the previous manager. HOLY MOLY was it crazy, overwhelming and at first a bit of a disaster. 

Tuesday had me calling my BOFF and sisters bawling because it was all so new, so big, so vast and so much responsibility with scheduling I felt I'd made the biggest mistake not choosing the other job. I wasn't sleeping, eating, saw all of my holidays and family obligations floating away as I realized how much work I'm now on the hook for at this club. 

I'm grateful beyond belief for all of my supporters, prayer warriors, friends and family. Every time I said 'I can't do this' they all said 'YES YOU CAN and HERE IS WHY'! Last week ended up pretty well with my home club, I said my goodbyes, brought in treats, had dinner with a friend and then planned to hang out enjoying my last weekend of 'freedom. I really tried to embrace the quote above, not wanting to tiptoe in fear, because there is a REASON this all came together. 

Well, wouldn't you know, when things start coming together something has to just pop up and derail everything. Friday night began a gallbladder attack like I've NEVER experience and I am still suffering the effects today. The weekend was pretty awful, I almost made a trip to urgent care because it was so uncomfortable, but thankfully some of it has subsided. I'm beyond blessed to have nurses in the family helping figure things out. Right now I honestly can't afford ANYTIME off for the doctor, nor have our benefits kicked in for a visit with insurance. Send good healing vibes and prayers my way, pretty please. This aching has gone on long enough, I need to be healthy to lead my team and have no time for stupid body shenanigans.

I've been pretty low since Saturday and was stressed beyond belief Sunday night anticipating Monday. It went as well as one could hope -- minus the dull ache -- I learned a lot, did some team building, brought in treats oh and dealt with the woman covering for me leaving at 10am instead of staying the whole day. #thanks?!

So, this is a pretty mumbo jumbo post, but I needed to put some things out there for me and to say THANK YOU once again to each and everyone of you. I appreciate your words, thoughts, and well wishes and hope to be able to get back once again to living life here in blogland. < 3 y'all!

The Sun Shines Brightest After the Rain AKA I HAVE A JOB

Thank you friends for your love on Friday. The post came together in fifteen minutes and I almost deleted it because it was so sad. Yet, I knew I needed to put those words out into the universe. They needed to leave my head and become less powerful in the world. I cried on my way to work because I felt so disheartened and fearful. The anticipation and unknown was pulling my soul down and I felt helpless to turn my mood around.

I'm forever grateful to my friends. The ones who sent emails to me when I turned comments off. Who texted me just to check in on my heart. The ones who called and reassured me it would all come together and the right decision would play out no matter what. You turned my drizzly miserable morning into just another rainy day and wiped away the clouds covering my eyes.

After all the tears, fears, drama, interviews, resumes, near misses, no response emails and phone calls left unanswered it came. After all the waiting and double teaching days while working the front desk of a gym for minimum wage, it came. The call I've been waiting to answer for so long. Finally, the voice on the line said "We'd like to offer you the job"!

Yes, friends, yes! I am no longer just working part time. I am now a FULL TIME employee with a steady paycheck, benefits, 401K, sick leave and vacation. FINALLY! FREAKING FINALLY!


My Friday afternoon turned around in a matter of minutes and now my future is busy, busy, busy as I get ready to prepare for my new gig. This will be something completely new, as I've never managed people before, but will also be something I know as I've learned a lot in the fitness world the past few months.

I grabbed celebratory champs and cupcakes to share with Le Husband Friday night and he brought me home flowers, peanut butter M&Ms and a card. After so many heartbreaking talks and tears it was such a joy to celebrate a success together. Saturday brought about a charity kickball tournament with friends and many congrats were given my way when people asked what I was doing down in the area.  It's so much easier explaining our move now that we both are employed full-time. No one cares, I know, but constantly saying 'I only work part time at a gym' was beginning to get depressing. No more. No more down in the dumps. No more silent pity parties at night as I struggle with our move.

This post comes to you from the deck as I watch the sun set over the lake. Fall colors are blooming everywhere and the temperatures are once again mild making porch sitting with wine possible. I don't expect the future to be easy or perfect, but I finally feel as though we are moving in the right direction. We are both taking a step forward and my confidence in other parts of our life falling into place is once again high. Thank you for being here. For reading this and for being there during the dark moments. Your comments, emails, texts, private thoughts and prayers mean more than you could ever possibly know. I wish you all the best Monday of the year. < 3