I mean, I'm sitting here, writing this in shorts, on a porch with this view. How can I complain? It's peaceful, beautiful, the perfect way to end an evening after a long day of work. With wine or a hot drink, it's the perfect spot.
Well, then you remember, it's not your house. Not your porch, not your view, not your mortgage. None of it is ours, except what we have in our room. Everything right now is a temporary situation and while we are GRATEFUL BEYOND BELIEF for family, it's sofreakinghard not having your own space.
There have been many sleepless nights. Many crying nights. Many arguments with God and with each other. Too many times to count I asked 'Did we make the biggest mistake of our lives'? Too many times I put on a brave face for everyone else, including Le Husband, but in my own quiet corner I cried in despair as things kept falling apart. We would get so close and then poof, gone.
Our dreams were so big, so much bigger than where we are now. I'll admit, I've cried because everything we dreamed about is not a reality. The jobs, the money, the home, the land, and the free time, not at all what I expected. Le Husband and I expected a house already, one with a yard and a decent amount of space. Not quite our forever home, but possibly the skeleton of our dream. We expected two jobs we enjoyed that would pay us half of where we were back home, because we did our research and saw multiple upon multiple job postings in our fields open before the move. Talk about being crushed day after day, week after week, month after month. It has been some of the hardest poundings I've ever experienced and my body is still suffering from the stress.
Sharing this here is tough and scary. One, I know there are people out there who feel vindicated we didn't get everything we wanted right out the gate. Two, sharing a goal and not reaching it is never a fun feeling. Three, exposing our true lives to the world offers a different look many choose not to share because it is so raw and so real and so messy. But, such is life. Even if we had stayed we would have failed at something. Or life would have knocked us down in an unexpected way. Life happens no matter what you do, at least the troubles of the past few months were brought on by a choice.
We would have failed without family. 100%. The overestimation of applying for new employment and gaining new employment would have done us in if we were living in a hotel or forced to sign a lease immediately. Money could have run o ut. Patience WOULD have run out. And egos would have been bruised too badly to mend, of this I am sure.
Back to the question, did we make the right decision? Hesitantly I say yes. Working a full-time job, with benefits, has brought on a new sense of hope. Without my job I would hands down say no, we jumped the gun. I believe we would have continued to muddle through, but with a feeling of failure and desperation. We would have settled which completely negates the move in the first place.
Last week was tough as I feared the worst with my new job. However, my loving sisters pointed out how MUCH had to fall into place for me to be in the position I am in right now. The gym I taught at HAD to have needed Front Desk Associates. My manager had to be understanding, engaging and encouraging. There HAD to be people who believed in me and my possibility. A job HAD to open up within the correct timeline. Someone HAD to be willing to take a chance and I had to be willing to accept a challenge.
Which is what the rest of this year and most of 2017 will be, a challenge. Learning new job responsibilities, creating tighter budgets due to smaller incomes and figuring out how to deal with life is what I see in the next six months. Hopefully, the next update will more upbeat and positive. I pray I'll lustily shout out YES, THIS WAS THE RIGHT CHOICE next blogpost, because things will have fallen more into place. That is my hope. That is my goal. That is my dream.