Confession Fridays

These are my :::::CONFESSIONS::::::

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I confess... I couldn't have asked for a better 30th birthday/weekend. My party [which I'll post about next week] was fabulous and my actual day was amazing. I'm blessed and UNSTRESSED about my 30s, BAH-RING-IT

I confess... I am twelve kinds of proud of my Thursday hairdo. Usually when I don't have time to wash/dry it, I'll throw it up in pony or updo, however my new SHORT hair makes that hard. Enter, Pinky's 'fake-french-twisty-sophisticated-hair-do'. I'm no PinkLouLou, but I think this looks faboo!

I confess... Thursday was my first kickball game of the new season and I'm STOKED!

I confess... I'm majorly bummed none of the stores in my area have this dress in stock. I was bridesmaid dress browsing online yesterday and this one made my heart skip a beat. I LOVE the color and the style, but won't have my girls buy it without being able to try it on in store. DoubleDarn!

I confess... I love my CAPS! C bought me tickets for my buuuurday and we went to the game on Tuesday night. They rocked it out 5-1 and I'm super excited for the playoffs!

I confess... the DCers complaining at Verizon Center really annoyed me. Hello, we live in the NATION'S capital so we deal with HIGH SECURITY all the time. Having EXTRA security the day after a horrific tragedy is necessary and a given, so why wouldn't you PLAN for it?!?!?

I confess... I'm 2104802348023 kinds of nervous for the Tough Mudder this weekend. It's going to be cold, muddy, wet and hard and I'm so unprepared. I hope that I don't let my mind defeat my body. And I PRAY I'm not the weakest link in our group.

Happy Friday friends!!!

Blessed

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Duuurty Thuurty Buurrrdddaaayy

Holy crap I'm 30!

WOW!

YAY!

OH EM GOSH!

Yesterday, wow, yesterday was JUST FABULOUS!

***But, before I continue I must say, my heart and thoughts

go out to everyone in Boston.
What happened yesterday was so tragic.
I'm praying for all those affected.

However, I'm choosing NOT to let a bunch of horrible people

ruin my day. They will be held to justice, both here

and by God, of that I am sure.***

Now, moving on to a recap of a fabulous day. 

I decided to take the day off work, because hey,

you only turn 30 once!

I woke up to no alarm feeling wonderful and feeling fly.

I grabbed a quick cup of coffee, threw on my running clothes

and met Sportyspice for a 10am 4 mile run.

Oh vey, it was long, but I DID IT!

30 year olds don't quit didn't you know?!

After a quick shower and some mimosa prep,

we headed to get pedicures.

I hadn't had one IN SO LONG,

my tootsies were so thrilled to be pampered.

Twas divine.

Running gear, blog walking, MIMOSA pedi, Bday cards from 5th graders!

Know what's even more divine?

Having a facial at a spa an hour after a pedicure. 

Lovely Sportyspice bought me one for my bday present

and I was able to sneak the service in on my day off. 

Oh my land, facials are seriously the BEST!

My technician was incredible

and the service was amazing. 

I need one every day, who wants to help?

I made a quick stop to the grocery store afterwards,

and spent the rest of the day prepping 

clean eats for the week.

Along with some more mimosas and
stretching while catching up with the 'Good Wife'.

30 WINE GLASS, THE GOOD WIFE

I must say I LOVED IT!

(gah, I'm such an oldie now right?)

C came over after work and I opened PART 1

of my birthday gift:

NEW PINK OAKLEYS!

[the other part of my gift is the CAPS games tonight

C-A-P-S CAPS CAPS CAPS]

Our family has a birthday dinner tradition and my place of choice

the past few years has been a delectable Japanese steak house

aka Chop em Up restaurant. 

FOODGASMIC!

Despite being stuffed, we headed back to the parentals'
 after dinner to enjoy birthday cake and presents.

Normally, Mama B makes a homemade chocolate cake,
however, with the passing of my great aunt last week,
I wanted to try and create her homemade caramel cake.

For a first run, I think we did alright.

It was pretty tasty, but we'll have to tweak a few things.

Babyspice gave me a BEAUTIFUL
Pink cross body Coach purse and I love it.

HIBACHI, CARAMEL CAKE, SWAG!

Once presents were over, C and I head back home
where I promptly put things away and went to sleep.

I COULDN'T have asked for a better first day
of my 30s. EVERYTHING was wonderful
and I am truly a blessed girl.

Cheers to a fabulous decade!

Happy Happy Birthday to ME!

Happy happy birthday, happy birthday presents!

Happy happy birthday, happy birthday cake!

Happy happy birthday, happy birthday pants!

Today I'm 30!

WOOHOO!

HUZZAH!

YAY!

Today, I'm happy to be ushering a 

NEW DECADE!

I have been so blessed throughout my life

and am SO excited about 

this NEW CHAPTER. 

Friday I celebrated with a fabulous 

birthday party, which I will 

recap later this week. 

Today I will be enjoying a day off work,

a facial, mani/pedi

and family dinner w/birthday cake.

I'm so excited!

And, I MUST wish my birthday twin

C-LO 

a fabulously wonderful BIRTHDAY!

Please go show her some love okay?!

LOVE YOU SWEET FRIEND!

Cheers to Birthdays!

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Have a blessed/wonderful day friends

Something God Alone Can See

[via]

Listen here

The Sun Shines BRIGHTEST after the Rain

And yesterday it did rain. 

Not in DC, but in my heart and my life. 

I felt pain and sadness and it hurt. 

I was upset and didn't want to talk to anyone. 

AT ALL!

I'm still grieving the loss of my great aunt

and also my grandmother [5 years later]. 

Yesterday I finally crumbled. 

It took all day, but it happened. 

We're talking CODE RED. 

I know everyone grieves their own way

and that sometimes grieving is delayed. 

I also know I could have talked to someone,

anyone, some of you even.
[and THANK YOU to those that reached out yesterday,
after my super late post. I appreciate the thoughts
MORE THAN YOU KNOW]

But that would have only made it worse.

I didn't need to hear the:

it gets better

she's in a better place

she'll always be with you

your birthday is special

you will be okay

blah blah blah.

THIS I KNOW!

THIS I UNDERSTAND!

BUT, I was still [and even now am] MAD!

And very very very sad. 

I couldn't get past the depressed feeling on my own,
so on my way to my hair appointment
[which I DID NOT WANT TO GO TO]
I called Babyspice and just bawled.

I felt so badly doing that to her though,
because having a loved one crying on the phone
is probably the hardest thing ever.

So, SORRY Babyspice, I just had to cry.

She listened, let me cry and understood.

Once the floodgates opened, the pressure was released
and I was able to enjoy the sunshine
and ACTUALLY SMILE
for the first time that day.

Am I back to normal, NO!

Am I feeling better and closer to myself, YES!

I expect to have my emotions up and down for a bit.

That's how I operate.

For now though, I'm choosing to be and happy to focus on
the wonderful life that was lived
and the milestone I'm about to reach
in my life.

TODAY, I'm LOVING...

...my new haircut. It's fresh, it's fun and it's fly.

Inspiration

...how much C likes my new DO

...my family. We fight a lot but in tough times we rally.

...the fact that my bday party is FRIDAY! WOOT

...the idea of BIRTHDAY cupcakes

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...that I bought my wedding dress last weekend.  

...the fact that my hair/makeup wedding appointments are booked.

...these easy and tasty chips.

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...my new Clarisonic and the fact SportySpice likes hers.

 ...the fact C bought me one for my birthday, but lost it in his apartment. YES, that's just funny and I LOVE the fact he remembered I mentioned wanting a Clarisonic once in passing conversation. He's a good one I tell ya.

 

Empty

That's how death makes me feel.

I feel alone.

I feel sad.

I feel like NOTHING else matters.

Nothing.

I turn 30 next week, but so what?

My party is this Friday, who cares?

Last year my blog was a flutter of birthday thoughts and sparkles.

But, now, this week, this year, not so much.

I almost phoned it in and faked it today.

I planned to fake it tomorrow too.

With a WILW post about what I LOVE about birthday week.

Or, what I want for my birthday.

30 is going to rock and I was ready to be an example of excitement.

Too many people dread 30, period.

I'm embracing it and want to share that with people.

Yet, now that seems so trite.

 My outlook on 30 hasn't changed, it's gonna be a great year.

However, my birthdayaholic nature has been squashed.

Death has stomped out the birthday fire. 

Maybe I'll regain it, maybe I won't.

In reality it's REALLY not that big of a deal.

It's easy to say 'buck up butter cup'. I do it to people all the time.

Death and the loss of a loved one isn't one of those times.

My soul is sad.

I've been sad before [obvi] but very rarely is my SOUL and inner-self sad.

The smile is still there, but the eyes aren't.

I don't want to talk.

I don't want to listen.

I don't want to do anything.

I'll still chat about things, smile about wedding/birthday stuff or ask you about your day.

My heart just isn't in it.

Maybe I just need the closure of a funeral and a release.

Maybe I just need to see these words written 'out loud'.

Maybe something someone says will strike a chord.

Or, maybe it will just take TIME, sweet sweet time.

My Great Aunt's death has opened a scab I thought was closed.

I lost quite a bit of my spark after my grandmother died.

It was MONTHS before my faith was restored and I was truly happy again.

I can only pray I listen for the Lord's words better this time around.

Death sucks, the devil sucks and sometimes you just need to say 'it sucks'.