April 12, 2010

I've been GOD SMACKED...not by the band

I know my title seems to contradict the loving nature that is our wonderful God, but sometimes we need to be smacked upside the head in order to understand what he is trying to tell us.

And people...this weekend I got smacked....and smacked good.

I've written about my relationship with GT previously and the struggles we have faced. The biggest concern for both of us was our difference in beliefs spiritually (me being a Christian and him being Agnostic). Back a few months ago this situation came up and we BOTH DECIDED to try and make things work by being open about problems and what I thought was trying to understand each others beliefs. Looking back I realize I wasn't ready to say goodbye to the fun times and his company so I was willing to try and see if he was worth changing some of my beliefs.

Let's fast forward to this past weekend, especially this past Saturday, which was my birthday party. QUICK sidenote: I am a BIRTHDAYAHOLIC!!!! I think birthdays are fabulous for everyone and try very hard to make other peoples birthdays super special. So, this is one day where I don't feel bad wanting to feel special and the center of attention. End sidenote! GT on the other hand could care less about birthdays but has been warned (for the past month haha) about how excited I am for my birthday, my party and my month. Now I didn't expect him to pull out all the stops and do something fantastical (not his style), but I never expected him to ruin part of my party and then leave me hanging until I called him the next day.

I could go on with all the wrong things that happened on Saturday night (and I probably will in another post), but the kicker was he showed up to MY birthday party intoxicated and acted like a jerk. So, all of my friends had to deal with a sad birthday girl and an idiotic boyfriend. But, no worries, we are not dating anymore.

That's right folks, we broke up Sunday night....on my birthday weekend...4 days before my birthday...CLASS ACT don't you think!?

As I have mentioned, the break up needed to happen. We were not right for each other fundamentally and so I am not mad about the fact we broke up....sad, yes of course. What I am mad about is on Sunday he told me he thought our realtionship hasn't grown in the past MONTH or so and he's been stressing over this for awhile but didn't know how to tell me. SAAAAAAAAAAAAY WHAT?!?!?! The past month or so?!?! I told him to let me know if he had any doubts, but instead he chose to keep it bottled up until this exact moment? If he had been faking it the past month couldn't he have waited until AFTER my birthday?

But, don't worry, he still wants to be friends. He even reminded me about a family wedding we were suppose to go to next month....the kicker....he still wants to take me. "I don't want to lose our relationship, I just want to change it." You're kidding right? How can I believe anything he says now? He's been lying to me for the past month. And....okay I need to get back the point of this post...which isn't to just vent.

I have been praying and praying about our relationship because I KNEW in my heart having a non Christian as my husband is NOT how I see myself living for the rest of my life. But I was SOOOO enamored, in love, happy, and content with GT and I...except for our spiritual difference. WHICH IS A BIG ONE PINKY...HELLO! Which, is what I think God was trying to get across to me in smaller ways, that I just batted away from my face like annoying gnats.

So, He decided to make it VERY APPARENT that GT and I do not belong together. Having a boyfriend who lies to my face for a month, ruins my birthday party and subsequently my birthday is NOT what God wants for me. So, despite the hurt, sadness, anger, outrage, and disbelief I feel I know the break up was the right thing.

It's just sad that GT turned out to be such a jerk :(

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