I'm Scared...And That's Okay

Tomorrow is the big day. S  U  R  G  E  R  Y. That scary, ugly word. It's finally happening, kids.

And I'm so scared.

And that's okay.

I'm scared about being put under anesthesia. I know I'm healthy and strong, basically a best case scenarios but I'm still scared. Things can happen. Crazy things. Horrible things. Doctors aren't perfect. Things can go wrong. Who knows. So, yeah, I'm scared and that's okay.

I'm scared about how I'll feel afterwards. From everyone I know I've heard surgery is easy peasy lemon squeezy after dealing with attacks [the worst], so I'm hopeful. But, I'm also cautious. Sometimes I seem to be the one who has the worst reaction. And I hate feeling off, my body goes crazy when things aren't copacetic. I'm beyond grateful my mother will be in town to help me out, but being helpless is so not fun.

I'm scared about my recovery. The doctor said I could jump on the elliptical the next day if I wanted but I had to take two weeks off from teaching. I'm worried I'll lose tone. I'm worried I'll lose my shape and momentum. I'm scared my conditioning will tank. I'm scared this surgery will create something I'll have to overcome that I didn't have to deal with beforehand.

I'm scared about my diet afterwards. Will I be able to eat fats? Will my body be back to breaking down foods normally? Will I eat all the things? Will I get sick? Will I have to completely retrain my brain with food?

Basically I'm scared because I'm not in control. And that's okay. Surgery, any kind, is major and fear is okay. I believe everything will go well and I believe it will be fine, but I'm still scared. So, if you can, please say a could of prayers or kind words for me tomorrow. xx