The week before Christmas my position was eliminated and I was told starting in January my services were no longer needed. I alluded to a big change in this post but couldn't get my head around blogging so I just left it for the new year. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. Knowing the business was expanding wasn't anything new, I just had no idea there would be someone doing my job as well as manufacturing which is why I was let go. No indication, no nothing. I was paid throughout the end of the year and my boss told me that Tuesday I could take the rest of the year off since he had a bad experience with someone not coming in after being told they were no longer needed. I'm thankful he let me go before the New Year, though, because I was able to spend EXTRA time in Ohio for Christmas and didn't have to worry about being at work for no reason.
The hardest part about the news was Le Husband was already in Ohio for work and I had to spend Tuesday night, Wednesday and Thursday morning all alone. He was there for me on the phone, let me cry and even though words are his worst love language he helped me feel safe and protected. His words of "we will be fine" kept me from truly freaking out. Teaching BOOTCAMP and BODYPUMP on Tuesday night were miserable and my dinner that night was wine and noodles. But, I was able to get my game face on at the gym and my amazing Fitness Manager and Operations Manager were all about giving me extra classes and on boarding me as quick as possible so I'd be ready to train in January. I'm lucky, I know, to have something already but it's still quite scary at the moment.
I'll be honest, I debated long and hard about sharing this here. First, it's embarrassing to write out because this wasn't my decision, I was told I was no longer needed. And, even though performance didn't play into everything I can't help but wonder IF there was anything I could have done better to be kept around. If I learned faster, picked up the lingo quicker, didn't ask questions, would I still be there now? While being an admin was never a dream of mine, I hate doing things poorly or being told I'm not good enough. So, there's that piece of putting everything out here.
Second, how many posts did I share in December about being happy and things being better than in 2016? A LOT! While I was very careful not to seem braggish or over the top, having everything come crashing down so unexpectedly really threw me for a loop. How was I supposed to come back and say 'Remember when I was so happy, yeah, now I'm scared and freaked out again' after so many cheery, joyous posts?
And then there's the knowledge of people out there rooting against me. You can't be everyone's cup of tea and I removed a few black clouds from my life a few years ago. Unfortunately in the internet world, people can still come around and try to cause drama because they are bored and since my blog isn't private I can't control who lurks. I'm not being dramatic, trust me, I'd rather not worry about things like this but I've dealt with drama off and on the past few years, even very recently which was sooooooooo ridiculous, making me not want to share the bad because I KNOW how happy it will make other people. Sad, right? But, then I realized, who F*#(ing cares what they think? If they want to cheer, go right ahead because soon they'll be pissed off that I'm rocking it out like a beast and turning sour lemons into lemonade. I also try to be VERY real here and not hide anything for y'all. There are enough people out there pretending the bad doesn't happen and only sharing the rosy, why do I need to add to that facade?
Silver lining, this unexpected change has pushed me to F I N A L L Y pursue my dream of personal training full time. My plan was to quit in March if I couldn't get ramped up working part time and maybe this is the push I needed to just GET AFTER IT ALL! The process is starting to click and I just need to trust myself that I know what I'm doing. I also need to be okay getting outside my comfort zone of not being a 'sales person' and embrace talking to new people to get them to train with me. Time for me to get back on the fitness blog train and really start digging into sharing fitness as my full time job. Any and all prayers or good vibes would be so appreciated. My goal is to attack this new path with joy, vigor and tenacity to make my dreams succeed. Alright 2018, let's do this!